Don't you hate receiving a flame? Well some idiot sent me this e-mail relating to this:
I then received another e-mail:
And my reply:
What do you guys think?
And because I'm a sarcastic bugger I responded with this:The review you made on Hattrick was rubbish. Just because you play online games doesn't mean you are a good reviewer. It was illogically stuctured and in the end you just told the viewer to guess if it's good. YOU'RE THE REVIEWER, DON'T ASK US IF IT'S GOOD, TELL US YOURSELF! As a english teacher and food critic in my local paper it sickens me people have to read your digital rubbish.
sincerly
Alex White
Alex,
I never claimed I was a great reviewer. Also, if you really are an english teacher (which I very much doubt considering the very poor quality of your e-mail) you would have realised that "Just take a guess." was meant to be rhetorical and was meant to be humourous.
How was it illogically structured? It begins with the most basic aspects of the game and leads onto the more specific areas.
I have never forced anybody to read my reviews so people do not "have to read [my] digital rubbish".
Do you have any articles that I could read of yours to see how an expert writes his reviews? I am only a student and would love to see how you write since you must be very good to work in a local newspaper. Obviously the local newspaper I have written for during work experience and for my local sports teams must be of far inferior quality to yours.
Maybe if you are going to criticise someones work you should write a decent argument. Here are some hints:
1. Provide examples of what you disagree with.
2. Don't use capital letters to such the extent you have - "YOU'RE THE REVIEWER, DON'T ASK US IF IT'S GOOD, TELL US YOURSELF!"
3. If you can't do these things then just don't bother.
Obviously these points will come in very handy as you will no doubt go and comment on the millions of other websites where the creator cannot even spell let alone try and construct a decent review.
Yours,
Tom Drummond.
I then received another e-mail:
Dear Mr. Drummond
There is much difference between an online professional game review and a casual email complaining about the lack of quality in that review. My email was not given time to plan and structure, and was not intended to. If had wanted to put forward a rebuttal I would have, my email was a general complaint, at my long-going loathing of internet reviewing. It seems that you and your colleagues option for so called "wry" humour instead of comparisons and contrasts between common intellectual mediums that we can associate with. My email was not meant to be from an English tutor to a student, but from one internet user to another.
In your review you state that Hattrick is, if my memory serves, "addictive as crack". That's a nice little statement, but what for the large percent of the population that has not tried "crack". Have you, Mr. Drummond? This is another example of pop culture weaving its' way in and killing all signs of intelligent context. A review should be a mix of entertainment, and knowledge. Your review had me yawning and not learning anything at the same time.
Sincerely
Alex White
And my reply:
Dear Mr. White,
Before I begin, I will just address a few points that you brought up in your previous e-mail (sp.).
1. No, I have not ever tried crack. That is not the point however. The target audience of the site is for the teenage-twenties generation. Therefore I am using language that they are able to relate to. Everyone in that age group knows that crack cocaine is a highly addictive drug.
2. This is not a professional website. I have never claimed it was. I am a 16-year-old student. Web design and computer games happen to be a hobby of mine and I write reviews as a way of passing on my experience of certain computer games I have played. I am providing a service to thousands of people who visit my website and appreciate the time and effort that goes into this. Since setting up this website I have made approximately -£5.
3. Your e-mail (sp.) was not "casual". It was a criticism of my reviewing style - or a "review" or it if you would prefer. I do not mind people commenting on my work as it allows me to become better. I do acknowledge that "There is much difference between an online professional game review [of which mine are not] and a casual email complaining about the lack of quality" but the e-mail (notice how it's spelt) has to be readable and coming from an expert of the English language such as yourself I really expected better.
Now I will have a look at the lack of quality in your e-mail (spelling again).
1. There is much difference - a grammatical error here. The sentence should probably have been There are many differences...
2. My email was not given time to plan and structure, and was not intended to. - I see you had the same problem again. You must lead a very busy life. Why exactly did you have to rush the e-mail (sp.)? Do you have an e-mail (sp.) program that only allows you to type for 10 minutes before it deletes the message? [That was a rhetorical question.] If so I would complain to the software firm that made it. I have to admit that the irony of the sentence was quite amazing.
3. If had wanted to... - I understand that you missed out a word from this sentence. This is quite acceptable; people do it all the time.
4. my long-going loathing - I don't think I've heard of that expression before. You must be quite a rebel, eh? Unless you meant "on going".
5. It seems that you and...that we can associate with - I'm sorry to say that this sentence made absolutely no sense to me. I would be extremely grateful if you could explain what it means.
6. but what for - I believe you meant "but what of". Obviously you tried to type in "of" but hit the "F" key before the "O" and accidentally pressed "R". Once again I sympathise with your mistake.
7. killing all signs of intelligent context - I am not writing an scientific report here. It is a computer games review - nothing more, nothing less.
8. A review should be a mix of entertainment, and knowledge - that is certainly not what my teacher tells me. I got reprimanded for including a pun in one of my essay's titles. Surely a review is meant to express your opinion of the subject matter whilst also not being too biased. This allows the reader to decide whether they would enjoy the game or not. This brings me to your previous e-mail (sp.). I am writing my review to allow the reader to make up there own mind. I could say that a certain FPS (first-person shooter for your information) is the greatest game ever but someone who hated that genre would almost certainly disagree. Why did you place a comma in the aforementioned sentence? Also, you did learn something from the review. It would be impossible not to unless you had played the game before. You would not have been able to know how much money you get, how the transfer system works, etc. etc.
It's nice to see that you followed some of my hints, but maybe I should have included a few others:
1. Spelling and grammar make a big difference to the way a piece of writing reads.
2. Your sentences should make sense.
3. If you can't do these things then just don't bother.
Now I have a number of questions to ask:
1. Why is your e-mail (sp.) account titled "Steven Friggson" when your name is Alex White?
2. Why should an e-mail be allowed to have such disregard for the English language when an amateur review cannot? Would you write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper like that?
3. If you cannot take the time to be careful about your writing why should I listen to you?
4. What made you have to rush your e-mail so much? Do you have a fetish for badly written pieces? Is that why you became an English teacher knowing you would have the perfect opportunity to correct lots of bad English?
5. If you hate online reviews as much as you claim, why did you read my review on my site that is dedicated to reviewing games?
Yours,
Tom Drummond.
What do you guys think?
