MrBishop
Well-Known Member
Government Explained
====================
FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them
in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all
the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care
of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The
government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulation says
you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care
of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors
bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need".
Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop
dead of starvation.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government
takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell
it on the black market.
PERESTROIKA
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia
takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and
sell it on the "free" market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
CHINESE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You are informed that your cows are part
of the glorious revolution, and you are forced to lead your
cows on a 500 mile hike.
DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets
the milk.
PORK-BARREL DEMOCRACY
You have two cows but no milk pail. The government gives a milk pail
to your neighbor the chicken farmer.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two
unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad.
The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can
feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the
milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM
You don't have any cows. The bank won't lend you any money to buy
cows, because you don't have any cows.
PURE ANARCHY
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM (aka ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM)
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in - law at
the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for
keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via
a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned
by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows'
milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the
company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile,
you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
TOTALITARIANISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they
ever existed. Milk is banned.
IMPERIALISM
You have no cows. You travel to a foreign country, milk their cows
and send all the best milk back home.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
You are "associated" with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol
of the phallo-centric, war-mongering intolerant past) two
differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
non-specified gender.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.
====================
FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them
in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all
the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care
of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The
government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulation says
you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care
of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors
bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need".
Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop
dead of starvation.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government
takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell
it on the black market.
PERESTROIKA
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia
takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and
sell it on the "free" market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
CHINESE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You are informed that your cows are part
of the glorious revolution, and you are forced to lead your
cows on a 500 mile hike.
DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets
the milk.
PORK-BARREL DEMOCRACY
You have two cows but no milk pail. The government gives a milk pail
to your neighbor the chicken farmer.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two
unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad.
The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can
feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the
milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM
You don't have any cows. The bank won't lend you any money to buy
cows, because you don't have any cows.
PURE ANARCHY
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM (aka ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM)
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in - law at
the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for
keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via
a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned
by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows'
milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the
company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile,
you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
TOTALITARIANISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they
ever existed. Milk is banned.
IMPERIALISM
You have no cows. You travel to a foreign country, milk their cows
and send all the best milk back home.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
You are "associated" with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol
of the phallo-centric, war-mongering intolerant past) two
differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
non-specified gender.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.
