How do you control those around you?

G

greenfreak

New Member
I first heard about "Control Dramas" in a book called the Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. Basically it says that everyone tries to gain control, or energy if you will, from people around them. There are different ways to do this and the four control dramas are:

Intimidators
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- These are people who use force to get energy from others. This could be descibe as using physical means for getting the energy of others. Not all intimidators are physically violent though, some of them use psychological means of bullying to get the energy of others. Having intimidators as parents can help to create two control drama situations, either fellow intimidators, or poor-mes.

Poor-Me's - This is the method of appealing to a person's guilt or mercy in order to gain their energy. Poor me's make people feel bad and guilty about what they are doing or what is happening to them, that they give up their own energy to the poor-mes. Poor me's are the most passive forms of control dramas,often they make other feel sorry for them, this way getting them do do what they want for them. Poor me's usually create intimidators or aloof control dramas.

Aloof - The aloof control drama is often the hardest to understand. Aloof's gain energy from other by being secretive and playing coy. They often act very detached and don't get involved. There way of getting energy from other is this way. By being aloof, they get others to give them energy by trying to get them to open up. Aloof control dramas create interrogators. The only way to break through the aloof person's wall is to probe and question them and finally find fault in something they say, so they can no longer be aloof, and the energy is transfered.

Interrogators - Interrogators gain energy from others by probing and prying at them. In order for this to do any good though, the interrogator has to find some fault in the person who they are prying at, therefore winning their energy away from other. Interrogators win energy by making others self-concious and unassured, so they must rely on the interrogator for help. Interrogators create aloof people, because the best way to get yourself out of an interrogator's criticism is not to care and not reveal anything about yourself, creating the aloof control drama.
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I've taken a lot away from that book and I've left a lot too. Some of it is pretty hokey and I wasn't too happy with the way the book was written as a story but I've always found this type of psychology so interesting. It's a decent read and insanely popular.

The book goes on to say that these control dramas are learned early by reacting to parents or siblings. Which would your parents fit into? Which are you? What would other people think you are?

I find myself using more than one in certain relationships, one at home and one at work. Which do you think I am? I've asked this question of people who know me well and know what the common answer usually is, I'd be interested to see if my online persona is different from my RL.
 
I recommend you to read Games people play by Dr. Berne, and then move to some book about Transactional Analysis.

btw, if i had to choose among those you listed, i'd say i'm 50% intimidator and 50% poor-me.
 
Thanks Luis! Whenever I go to the bookstore and nothing new strikes me, I try to find something else that's interesting to read. They're going on my list.

I always regretted dropping out of college before I got to the psych/sociology classes. I should go back and take them one day.
 
I use the 'poor me' to make humor. But that is to inject energy. I don't see myself as trying or wanting to control anyone's energy. And I'll not be the fool that tries to analyze your control methods, gf...:D :bolt:
 
Wow greeny i hadn't thought about the Celestine Prophecy in some time. It really was a fantastic work of fiction and if i remeber correctly has a sequal as well although i haven't read it. A good 'spiritual adventure' for lack of a better classification.
 
Squiggs, I have been told I'm all of the above, by different people so it was kinda like a trick question. The one I hear the least is Poor Me, the one I hear the most is Intimidator. I guess the Intimidator fits if you're afraid to tell me what you think. :laugh:

Hex, the sequel is the 11th Insight and there's also a workbook type of thing with exercises to share with other people who have read it. I have both of them. My best friend Bobbi was the one who turned me on to it and I've known at least 20 other people who have read it and discussed it, all from word of mouth. That's what I find amazing about it. No one picks it up in a bookstore, everyone has had the book lent to them. :D
 
HeXp£Øi± said:
Wow greeny i hadn't thought about the Celestine Prophecy in some time. It really was a fantastic work of fiction and if i remeber correctly has a sequal as well although i haven't read it. A good 'spiritual adventure' for lack of a better classification.
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btw, you didn't answer the question. :p
 
greenfreak said:
How do you control those around you?
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The answer is i don't. I long ago gave up any delusion about being in control of anyone. Does anyone control you even a little? They may manipulate you but the idea of control is in any case mearly a delusion.
 
People can attempt to control others, or at least control their reactions. But you're right, maybe control isn't the right word. You can manipulate people to get the desired reaction from them. You really don't see any of those dramas in your personality? Then you're probably aloof. ;)

Squiggs, I was kiddin too. Is that an overly sensitive reaction to what I typed so I pay more attention to you and placate you? :laugh: See you can apply this stuff to just about everything and drive people nuts.

The danger of all this is stereotyping people of course. It feels safer to pidgeonhole someone rather than give them the benefit of the doubt. I still think it's interesting tho. :)
 
Constant beatings and threatenings......that's how you gain control of others around you....

because no matter how much you do for someone else it is never enough.
 
greenfreak said:
... everyone tries to gain control, or energy if you will, from people around them.
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In Hawai'i, we call those type of people "mana suckers".

[mana - nvs. Supernatural or divine power, miraculous power; to have mana, power, authority; energy ...]
 
I think it's very normal to try to control those around you. Most people do it every day without even realizing it. Every time you ask for something and put on a pouty face, you are controlling. It's not necessarily bad in every situation either though. We learn this from a very young age most of the time.
 
kuulani said:
In Hawai'i, we call those type of people "mana suckers".

[mana - nvs. Supernatural or divine power, miraculous power; to have mana, power, authority; energy ...]
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That's so funny, we're playing a game at home called Baldur's Gate and one of the levels is called Mana. It's for my magic powers. I can shoot chain lightning and flames from my hands. It's pretty cool. :D
 
Like Luis G........I'd say I was about 50% intimidator and 50% poor-me.

Although I reckon I use humour much more than any other way......people just seem to be soooo much more co-operative when in a happy mood :D

Failing that there is always blackmail ;)
 
I think at some point or another you are all of those. Different tactics in different situations.


My boss is sooooooooooo aloof....most of the time.
 
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