I was such an idiot!!

man, i was pretty different...no self esteem and i never spoke my mind. i was never really silly or gaga over the guys...always been too cynical for that but i put up with more bullshit than i ever would now. i am much happier with the person i am now.
 
I thought the world was flat......turns out it isn't. I thought love was great...turns out its dead. I thought your family was the best thing that happens to you......still brooding over that one but so far it stands true. I thought drugs were the all encompassing evil of humanity....turns out most of that evil stems from those who also hate drugs. I thought life sucked....turns out its fucking amazing. I thought life was hard....turns out i had no idea how hard it really was. I thought i told the truth...turns out i lie through my teeth. I thought honesty was the best policy....turns out those who tell you that are lying at the exact moment they are saying that to you. I thought that i cared about peoples problems, their fears and their problems with their family and friends....turns out i incite them further just to get perverse pleasure out of seeing them get angry and that i couldn't give a rats ass about their self involved banter. I thought milk came from cows......turns out it does.




Boy...i was a flaming idiot back in my youth.......




....turns out i still am.
 
I remember the stupid things I did at that age. Seems that all I wanted was sex. Now, I want love and companionship. Then again...it could be memory loss. I am getting on in years. ;)
 
To be fair to ourselves Greenfreak you weren't an idiot back then, no one was. You made mistakes back then that seem obvious and moronic today but with every year you think "had i known back then what i know now" and then it ultimetly hits you that you couldn't have known back then, you learned...one way another, be it a good way or a bad way (like the rest of us). If you can look back and laugh at your outlandish doings then be gald in the fact that you know better now, you've have grown as a person since you obviously realize that acting needy is downright pathetic.

At 19 you were another person and since each passing year you have been better than yesterday, everyone here is. In our youth the world was different than what it is now. You see things differently and probably for the better....be glad in that fact.

Its funny...we always think "had i known back then what i had known now" but if we did know everything in our youth then we wouldn't be very good adults today.
 
i'm still young, still stupid... i guess i can't really contribute much to this thread :)

but when i read my journals from when i was 11 and 12, 13... 14.... 15.... (been keeping journals a long fuckin time), i'm like.... "HOLY SHIT!! was that ME???"

so i guess i have changed.
 
Buttcrackdivine said:
To be fair to ourselves Greenfreak you weren't an idiot back then, no one was. You made mistakes back then that seem obvious and moronic today but with every year you think "had i known back then what i know now" and then it ultimetly hits you that you couldn't have known back then, you learned...one way another, be it a good way or a bad way (like the rest of us). If you can look back and laugh at your outlandish doings then be gald in the fact that you know better now, you've have grown as a person since you obviously realize that acting needy is downright pathetic.

At 19 you were another person and since each passing year you have been better than yesterday, everyone here is. In our youth the world was different than what it is now. You see things differently and probably for the better....be glad in that fact.

Its funny...we always think "had i known back then what i had known now" but if we did know everything in our youth then we wouldn't be very good adults today.
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I just think about what I must have looked like to other people who knew better and to the guy that I was writing about. I totally let him walk all over me, embraced it really. I guess that relationship and others that followed set me up to be sick of being a victim so I slowly changed it over the years. So, you're right, it really is necessary for growth. I believe all those failed relationships taught me something and made me truly appreciate what I found in Rusty after all that heartache. Whether I brought it on myself or not.

That's so optimistic of you, to look at it that way. You should keep that optimistic attitude. :)
 
ash r said:
i'm still young, still stupid... i guess i can't really contribute much to this thread :)

but when i read my journals from when i was 11 and 12, 13... 14.... 15.... (been keeping journals a long fuckin time), i'm like.... "HOLY SHIT!! was that ME???"

so i guess i have changed.
Click to expand...

From what I remember, ash, you've done a lot of maturing yourself, and you should be proud of that. :)
 
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