Professur
Well-Known Member
NEIL JONES
GLANCING at her wedding ring, Sara Carter took a deep breath and clicked on to a website for marriage cheats.
With her heart pounding, she scrolled through hundreds of profiles, each showing bored partners also looking for a thrilling affair.
Then Sara, 40, caught sight of someone she hadn't expected to find.
Staring back from the computer screen was her husband, Paul, 50.
Former company secretary Sara says: "At first I thought my mind was playing tricks, that guilt was making me imagine things.
"But when I read the profile, I knew without doubt it was Paul. He claimed to be stuck in a stale marriage and said he was keen to meet up with women for sex."
Realising the depths to which her marriage had sunk, Sara's world came crashing down.
She explains: "It sounds hypocritical, but I was totally gutted.
"I'd joined the site on the spur of the moment because I was feeling unattractive.
"I've always been big but after getting pregnant with our 15-year-old son Andrew I'd ballooned.
"Paul said it didn't matter and that I was still beautiful, but one day while I was getting changed he said it couldn't be healthy to be so big.
"After that I couldn't bring myself to get undressed in front of him."
Their sex life dwindled and eventually stopped altogether.
Sara says: "We'd been together since I was 16 and Paul swore the lack of sex wasn't important.
"I was the one who couldn't stand the thought of having no sex life.
"I hoped losing weight would make all the difference and planned a diet and exercise programme.
'He said he still loved me. I was overcome by guilt at going online.'
"But then I had to have an operation on my foot and was stuck at home for weeks.
"I piled on more weight and started to think that no one, including Paul, would ever find me attractive again."
Resting after her surgery, Sara was flicking through a magazine in their Cheshire home when she came across an article about a woman who had cheated on her husband.
She set up the liaisons using a website called Illicit Encounters. Sara says: "This woman met and had sex with a number of blokes and claimed it made her feel better.
"The situation sounded similar to mine, so I thought I'd take a look."
After discovering Paul's profile, Sara's first thought was to confront him, but instead she kept quiet.
Sara says: "As far as I could tell he hadn't received any replies, so he could have argued he hadn't cheated.
"I wanted to see if it was just a whim or if he was serious about meeting random women for sex."
For the next few weeks, Sara checked out Paul's profile daily.
While he failed to get any responses, Sara received requests from two men who wanted to meet.
She says: "They were both married but said the spark had gone out of their relationships.
"I was flattered to think other men still found me attractive.
"Maybe if I hadn't found out about Paul I wouldn't have done anything - but I thought, 'If he can do it, so can I'.
"I got in touch with them and the messages quickly turned steamy. One of them started pushing for us to meet. I probably would have done - but then Paul found out."
He was furious. A friend had told him Sara had joined the site.
Paul had seen her profile and the explicit messages and was convinced she had already been unfaithful.
Sara says: "I pointed out he'd joined the website before I did.
Angry
"I explained I'd been waiting to catch him out, but Paul claimed he signed up so he could catch me.
"It was complete rubbish because Paul was definitely on there first."
Although he was hurt and angry, Paul insisted he wasn't ready to end things. Sara says: "He said he loved me and I was overcome with guilt about speaking to men on the site.
"After cancelling my membership I concentrated on trying to make my marriage work.
"A few months passed and Paul began staying out late. He claimed he was with mates but he'd always been a loner so I didn't believe it. When Paul started sleeping in the spare room, I asked him outright if there was someone else.
"The answer was 'No' but then he announced he was moving out.
"I think Paul wanted me to beg him to stay, but I wasn't heartbroken or upset. I just felt relieved."
As well as filing for divorce, Sara embarked on a radical diet and fitness plan. She also started dating. shame you didn't do that for the husband you married
Sara says: "I reactivated my membership of Illicit Encounters and I started talking to one guy. After a few months we met up and had sex.
"I understood then that I hadn't gone off sex, I'd just gone off sex with Paul."
With her divorce declared earlier this year, Sara insists she has no regrets about joining the site that caused the end of her marriage.
Sara says: "The only thing I regret is not being more honest with Paul.
"Joining that site wasn't the problem. It brought a long overdue end to an unhappy marriage. It was the best thing we could have done."
Paul's story
PAUL says: "Even if I had joined the site first, Sara can't deny she is the one who ended up cheating, not me.
"I have the emails to prove what Sara got up to. Sara can't say the same about me.
"I only joined because I was told she was a member. It was the only way I could get into her profile and find out what she had been doing.
"Even then I didn't believe she had really cheated on me until I read through the emails she had been sending and receiving.
"It made me sick to see the kind of things those men had been saying and what she had been saying back.
"Sara was reluctant to sort out our non-existent sex life, but was happy to communicate with strangers she had met on a cheat website.
"Sara swears she didn't actually meet up and have sex with any of them and at the time I didn't know what to believe. Now it really doesn't matter.
"I know Sara still thinks I joined to cheat, but the truth is I took my marriage to Sara and my home life seriously.
"There was no way I would have jeopardised that in order to have flings with random strangers.
"Even after I found out Sara had been messing with those guys I still wanted my marriage to work.
"Many other men would have packed their bags and left as soon as they had read those emails.
"Despite trying to make things work, nothing between us changed.
"Our sex life was non-existent and we were still having rows about silly things.
"It wasn't healthy for us or our son.
"That is why I finally made the painful decision to leave.
"I've tried my best to put the whole thing behind me and move on.
"I'm with someone else and now my divorce has finally come through, we're planning to get married.
"I know Sara is single and I hope in time she meets someone who makes her happy and who is good to our son."
source
Draw your own conclusions.
