interesting situation...

Shadowfax

Shadowfax

<b>mod cow</b>
kinda of difficult situation at the moment...
i'm currently in my second year of my study and have two years left. to graduate there are a few options:

1. work for a company for 6 months, and graduate at another company
2. work for a company for 6 months, and fullfill the graduation assignment there as well, resulting in a total of 1 yr working for that company
3. work for the same company for two years, for 3 days per week, and go to school for 1 day per week (like a regular job with 1 day of school)

options 1 and 2 can be done here in the netherlands, but also in another country.
my first intention was going to perhaps south africa and combine my study with social work over there. that would result me being there for a year. one of the reasons i wanted to go away was because i started to dislike my current life a lot, and wanted to 'flee'

now for the last months, i've been quite happy, and things with this girl have been getting more and more serious...
i was discussing this with her, and she said she'd really like it for me if i'd go to SA...
she didn't really wanted me to stay here because of her, not because she didn't care but because she knew i really wanted to do that.
but lately i've been thinking more and more about going for option nr. 3...i really don't want to go away from here for a year, especially since i'm becoming quite a bit happier with my life here again.

problem is i have to make a decision quite soon, because the rest of the program of my study strongly depends on the choice i make.

like i said, things are becoming more and more serious, but it's still a short time. it's more the feeling i have that says i shouldn't go away.
would i be insane not going because of her? it's really bugging me, especially since i have to make the decision on quite a short notice, but don't know how things will work out...all i have is the feeling things are for the long term between her and me...


any input?
 
Life is a search for happiness. If you've found it, enjoy it. Only you can assess the depth and permenancy of your relationship. If you have faith in it, and it makes you happy, stay with it. :wink2:
 
I have a little experience with something like that... I was with someone who was moving to a different state (not a different country, I know, but at least 1500 miles away) and we were only together for a few months. I decided to move because I had some problems with my family and my life in general. In short, I made the decision for someone else, not for me, and was running away from my problems.

Mistake.

We broke up, I still had problems. I came back to NY and spent the next six months fixing my issues. I got my shit together, in other words, and I'm so glad I did.

In short, whatever you do, do it for *yourself*. I know you want to stay because of her, but what is going to be best for you in the long run? If you're not happy there, is geography really going to change that? Do you think that this relationship is serious enough that she would wait for you? If not, (don't mean to sound harsh), maybe you shouldn't factor your feelings for her in your decision.

Just my opinion! Good luck with it Shadow! :)
 
that is a tough one, Shadow! i don't know what i'd do in your situation! hope you find what you're looking for!!
 
well, main reason of me going to another country, was that i wasn't happy at all here with my life. so i wanted to kinda run away from that, by moving. i know running away from problems isn't good, and i never do that, but i was so fed up with everything that this seemed like the best thing to do at that time.
clearly the situation has significantly changed since then; my study is going a lot better, because i finally regained the motivation i needed. motivation i got because she encouraged me.
and she is making my life a lot brighter as well, i'm having a great time and i'm really happy when i'm with her, and the other way around as well.

she said that she'd be glad for me if i'd go and have a great time there. but i'm having serious doubts that i'd be happy there without here.
she did mention that it's a certain period of time and that i should think beyond that year, so i honestly get the idea that she's looking at things in the long term. which is good.

what would be best for me in the long run? that's the tricky question. if things work out as well as i think they will, the best thing to do would be to stay.
but i'm looking objectively at this. we've not been together that long at all, and things rarely work out like you want them to.

so, if things do work out the way we think they will, she'd still be here after that year.
but the primary intention of the move has been taken away. i finally found some happiness in my life, for the first time in quite some years, and i'm not willing to give that up.

perhaps i've already made my decision then....
 
The real challenge is to be happy without needing someone else to make you happy. It sucks to be alone, I know, and it's hard to be ok with that, without depending on other people to make you feel better. It makes it that much harder when you're not involved in a relationship too. At least, it did for me. :)

When I said the long run, I meant that if you don't go, how will that affect your desire to travel and receive a good education and graduate? If you don't go, lose the chance to go *and* things don't work out with you and her, will you regret it?

I'm so glad you're not upset at what I'm saying, I'm trying to be really honest and it's not my intention to upset or offend you. :)
 
Squiggy said:
Life is a search for happiness. If you've found it, enjoy it. Only you can assess the depth and permenancy of your relationship. If you have faith in it, and it makes you happy, stay with it. :wink2:
Click to expand...

Yeah.


When it comes down to it, we are here to make ourselves happy, although that sounds selfish, it should be everyones goal number 1. You are going to have to decide what you want to do. If you really want to go to South Africa, which it sounds like you do, you will regret not going now, especially if you don't get the chance to in the future. Sieze the reigns of your life and don't let go.
 
mhhh, hard choices, but good comments there. unfortunately those comments make things only more difficult :(

you are right when you say that our own happiness should be priority number 1. if things work out, and i would stay, i would be happy.
but greenie's comment on being happy without needing somebody else makes a person think. i agree with that. i never take the easiest way...i always take the right way, or the way i think is right, even though it's the hardest one.

i know i should choose for my own happiness...but then what would make me happy?
i admit, in the beginning going to south africa was really interesting to me. i'd love to have the experience of doing the social work over there, giving my life and work at least a bit of sense. and another positive thing was that i could leave behind the mess over here.
but then things changed and my life here became less of a mess.

when i think about the long term consequences....my desire to travel won't seize. i love seeing other countries, travel around, see other people from other cultures. that's why i try to travel as much as i can, and as much as i can afford.
that's one of the reasons i'm going to malaysia for 6 weeks, with that girl, because she shares that.
not going would make my education not less important, the purpose would just change. being here would allow me to spend time on "higher" technology, more advanced technology, while being there would give me more social experience, and would force me to use "lower" technology...ie simple and cheap constructions for use in 3rd world countries.

both options sound very nice. argh. this sucks. feels like which option i choose, i'll only lose...dammit. :(
 
Absolutely tough choices, man. :(

If you're not going to lose out on your education by staying and do travel a bit, why not just resolve yourself to go later? I was under the impression that you would be at a distinct disadvantage staying where you are but it doesn't look like it from your last post. I commend you for traveling, it's something I've always wanted to do but have never been able.

If you're putting this much thought into making this decision, I think that whatever you choose will be the right one. Even if it doesn't work out the way you want to, you at least didn't make a rash decision and can be proud of that.

6 weeks in Malaysia with your new love... how I envy you. :)
 
hmm tough one. go with where youll be happiest sahdow. either way youll giv up something great. i cant tell you what to do obviously. but again go with the best and least regrets. whichever that is.
 
i just came back from her once again, and i just know that i can't go away for a year.
i was already working very hard lately to be able to do the co-op thing, or at least to keep the possibility open. and i'm very glad that i did that, because now i'll just try harder to reach that goal.

in no way that choice will be negative for me. it gives me the opportunity to reach a high level of degree, if i'm motivated enough, and work hard enough.
some how this girl has given me the motivation back again that i had a few years back.
not to sound arrogant, but i can achieve everything i want, if only i'm motivated enough. and i know now that i am.
in a bit more than a year from now she'll go to england/ireland for 5 months, as part of her study. her original plan was to go further away, but she's trying to get somewhere close, so that we'd still be able to see eachother on a regular basis. unfortunately she can't do the co-op thing like i do, but then again england isn't that far away from here, nor expensive to go to :)

i want to thank you all for your input, it did make me think even more about things, and i know now that even though i won't be going away, i still make the right decision. i'm still convinced that my future isn't here in the netherlands, but for the time being it is.

thanks once again :)


oh, and yeah, that trip to malaysia is awesome...i wanted to go there, but i didn't know anyone who was willing to spend that much money on a vacation or anyone who wanted to go away that far. i was discussing that with her one night, and as a joke i said "well, why don't you come along then?"
and she immediately agreed on that...which scared the hell out of me because i wasn't expecting that :D but after a while i was thinking more and more that it would be nice if she did come along...and one thing led to another...:)

nice story to be honest :) you never know what life gives you, and happiness always comes on unexpected moments. at least it did for me :)
 
Glad to hear you worked it out, my opinion on how to decide is very close to gf's.

Ohh and a 6 weeks vacation :eek: that sounds like a lot of money.
 
my two bits. Ask for other's opinions on what you want to do. Never ask them what they would do. It won't profit you at all.

So what do you want to do.
 
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