Mare
New Member
What Else Do Men Think About?
There is a well-known statistic that men think about sex every seven seconds.
No one really knows how this urban myth got started, but obviously it is false -- we think about it far more often. Seven seconds is a really long time. It's almost a championship bull ride.
That's probably why so many cowboys get thrown off bulls -- they get distracted. One moment, they're holding onto the gate, then they look up into the stands and see some cowgirl in a delightfully inappropriate shirt and, whoa, they've forgotten all about the angry 1-ton animal they're sitting on.
For the sake of argument, though, let's say that the figure is accurate -- what are we thinking about in that interim seven seconds?
Well, obviously two seconds are spent thinking along the lines of: "Oh, fudge! Big angry bull! Coming right at me!" In other words, we are thinking about our responsibilities.
This is why we are so bad at remembering things like anniversaries, birthdays and the fact that our sister-in-law doesn't want to be asked about her break-up with that guy who had football season tickets. There are a lot of things in a man's life to which he must pay attention, and with only two seconds of mental capacity dedicated to them, it's inevitable that some things are going to fall by the wayside.
Really, what was wrong with the guy who had season tickets? He seemed all right to me, and those seats were right on the 50-yard line.
After this, one second is dedicated to coming up with excuses as to why we failed to do whatever it is that our wives told us to do when they made the mistake of asking us to do something outside of the allotted two seconds of responsibility. This is why our excuses are usually so poor -- we haven't spent a lot of time crafting them:
"Why didn't you do the dishes, like I asked you to?"
"Canada tried to invade our living room -- I was busy protecting our home."
Another one second is used thinking about sports or art, depending on the guy.
If you've ever talked to a guy about either subject, you might suspect that more than one second of his mental time is spent on these things. This is because we often borrow time from our responsible thinking. Many of us feel it is our duty to ramble on nonstop about jump-cut edits in film or the weakness in the Minnesota Vikings passing game.
If we are talking about the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders or the photography of Spencer Tunick, we can talk about sports or art for even longer.
The final three seconds are spent thinking about beer. Beer is man candy. When we were boys, and our minds weren't so pre-occupied, we spent quite a bit of time in the candy aisles of our nearest convenience store. 'Neath the distrusting gaze of the clerk, we would pick up chocolate bars and packages of Nerds and Starburst and Airheads, and try to remember exactly what each tasted like. Was this what we wanted today? Did it fit our mood?
Now, we spend our time strolling along the walls of liquor stores, peering into the coolers and trying to decide on our beers. Am I in a Guinness mood or a Tecate mood? Do I feel mainstream (Miller) or obscure (Moose Drool)? How will I look holding my beer?
Liquor stores should provide guys with mirrors, similar to changing rooms, in which we can hold different beers to see if the fit the look we are going for: "Hmm, which looks more appropriate when I insult Ely Manning: this bottle of Chapeau Framboise Lambic or this bottle of Coors?"
Beer is so important that it can fill the full seven seconds between thoughts of nookie (at which point we find ourselves staring at the girl on the label of Shiner Blonde).
Once we're back to that thought of every seven seconds, it really depends on the circumstances as to how long we'll think about nookie -- if we're breathing, we may hold the thought for quite a while.
There is a well-known statistic that men think about sex every seven seconds.
No one really knows how this urban myth got started, but obviously it is false -- we think about it far more often. Seven seconds is a really long time. It's almost a championship bull ride.
That's probably why so many cowboys get thrown off bulls -- they get distracted. One moment, they're holding onto the gate, then they look up into the stands and see some cowgirl in a delightfully inappropriate shirt and, whoa, they've forgotten all about the angry 1-ton animal they're sitting on.
For the sake of argument, though, let's say that the figure is accurate -- what are we thinking about in that interim seven seconds?
Well, obviously two seconds are spent thinking along the lines of: "Oh, fudge! Big angry bull! Coming right at me!" In other words, we are thinking about our responsibilities.
This is why we are so bad at remembering things like anniversaries, birthdays and the fact that our sister-in-law doesn't want to be asked about her break-up with that guy who had football season tickets. There are a lot of things in a man's life to which he must pay attention, and with only two seconds of mental capacity dedicated to them, it's inevitable that some things are going to fall by the wayside.
Really, what was wrong with the guy who had season tickets? He seemed all right to me, and those seats were right on the 50-yard line.
After this, one second is dedicated to coming up with excuses as to why we failed to do whatever it is that our wives told us to do when they made the mistake of asking us to do something outside of the allotted two seconds of responsibility. This is why our excuses are usually so poor -- we haven't spent a lot of time crafting them:
"Why didn't you do the dishes, like I asked you to?"
"Canada tried to invade our living room -- I was busy protecting our home."
Another one second is used thinking about sports or art, depending on the guy.
If you've ever talked to a guy about either subject, you might suspect that more than one second of his mental time is spent on these things. This is because we often borrow time from our responsible thinking. Many of us feel it is our duty to ramble on nonstop about jump-cut edits in film or the weakness in the Minnesota Vikings passing game.
If we are talking about the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders or the photography of Spencer Tunick, we can talk about sports or art for even longer.
The final three seconds are spent thinking about beer. Beer is man candy. When we were boys, and our minds weren't so pre-occupied, we spent quite a bit of time in the candy aisles of our nearest convenience store. 'Neath the distrusting gaze of the clerk, we would pick up chocolate bars and packages of Nerds and Starburst and Airheads, and try to remember exactly what each tasted like. Was this what we wanted today? Did it fit our mood?
Now, we spend our time strolling along the walls of liquor stores, peering into the coolers and trying to decide on our beers. Am I in a Guinness mood or a Tecate mood? Do I feel mainstream (Miller) or obscure (Moose Drool)? How will I look holding my beer?
Liquor stores should provide guys with mirrors, similar to changing rooms, in which we can hold different beers to see if the fit the look we are going for: "Hmm, which looks more appropriate when I insult Ely Manning: this bottle of Chapeau Framboise Lambic or this bottle of Coors?"
Beer is so important that it can fill the full seven seconds between thoughts of nookie (at which point we find ourselves staring at the girl on the label of Shiner Blonde).
Once we're back to that thought of every seven seconds, it really depends on the circumstances as to how long we'll think about nookie -- if we're breathing, we may hold the thought for quite a while.
Dabbling in watercolors, AB? 
