Missionaries at my door

paul_valaru

paul_valaru

100% Pure Canadian Beef
there I was sitting in bed, watching my saturday morning cartoons, waiting for the asprin to kick in. to get rid of the post b-day bash hangover.

DING-DONG

I was dressed, and showered (not in that order!), so I walked down the stairs (Ok, fell) and answered the door, was it UPS, nope, FEDEX, nope, it was.....

"Can we talk to you about god?"

Ok, here is where I used to rant and rave, swear, flash, tell them I'm a druid high priest, and need a virgin for sacrafice.

BUT 2 things, one, they had a kid with them, a little boy, not gonna freak at the parents in front of the kids

Two, they really really really think that they are doing this door to door stuff for YOUR good, they are trying to save your soul, fine it's annoying, but they don't want you to go to hell.

So I try the polite approach.

"I'm Jewish"

ahhh, the look of constirnation, the about to back up, and go away......but NO!

"well the first book of our bible its the torah, and they are very similair....(at this point I go glassy eyed, and stop paying attention)"

so I go on to phase 2 of the Jewish defense

"Yes they are similair, but that whole me not beleiving in jesus really throws a wrench into the works, doesn't it?"

more talking.....phase 3

me: "thank you, but I'm really not interested in this"

Them: "well, ok, and god bless"

I discovered, if you treat them with respect, they might treat you with equal respect.....wow.

So how do you deal with the people that knock on your doors to talk about god?
 
i hate that. hell i hate it when people do it to me. I have heard the I see things wrong with you(aura or some bullshit like that) and im like what makes it wrong? i dont believe as you do.to do it at your house is jsut disrespectful
 
Tell 'em you're a Druid and were baptized in the blood of non-believers. They'll leave you alone.
 
Tell them you're in the middle of something, then ask for their address, tell them you and the clan will come over to their house and chat later.
 
my uncle is a die hard baptist and he gets annoyed with those peopl. but he has come up with the best stop them in their tracks comment...just say "i'm ready, thank you."...they don't want to offend your faith so they usually won't question you anymore. always works for me....but in the south we usually have 2 doors, front and side.....and only missionaries and politicians use the front door, so i never answer it.
 
tonks said:
my uncle is a die hard baptist and he gets annoyed with those peopl. but he has come up with the best stop them in their tracks comment...just say "i'm ready, thank you."...they don't want to offend your faith so they usually won't question you anymore. always works for me....but in the south we usually have 2 doors, front and side.....and only missionaries and politicians use the front door, so i never answer it.
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Man I miss my side door! Now that I only have a damn front door - I just don't answer the door for anyone that I don't recognize (actually a good idea in my neighborhood anyway). :D
 
My friend tried to get into the pants of this one morman missionary chick, boy did that backfire. we got nonstop calls and random visits from other missionaries all the time.

At least I was never dumb enough to let them inside or talk to them so they seemed to have little interest in saving me.
 
I like my Mom's methodology...she invites them in, brings out the BIG family bible and tries to convert them...to Evangelism.

I used to work overnight...many a time, I've walked out of my bedroom (when I used to live with the folx), wearing only my boxers, and wandered towards the bathroom, only to meet...Jehovah's witnesses etc... they usually didn't come back.

One time, they came over...mom set them up with tea and cookies...on the couch. Talking them up...

what they didn't know is that I used to own Rats. Great pets rats...very smart. So...visualize this:

Nice people in nice outfits sitting on the couch, chewing my mom's cookies. One of the nice ladies is resting her arm on the edge of the couch (holding a cookie). Here comes Sherlocke...wandering bye under the radar. He spots the cookie and goes for it...starts tugging on the cookie..but MsGod ain't letting go, so he tugs harder. MsGod looks down to see what going on with the cookie....

TaaDaa...Instant chaos!!! Papers and Bibles flying, MsGod leaping onto the counch, screaching to beat all...I hear the screaming, wake up and run (in boxers) into the living room...wondering what's gone wrong. So...a Rat on the floor, a semi-naked man running in, dry cookies and a woman trying to convert you. Needless to say...they never came back.
 
MrBishop said:
So...a Rat on the floor, a semi-naked man running in, dry cookies and a woman trying to convert you. Needless to say...they never came back.
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Oh my gosh! :rofl2: That definitely sounds effective!
 
The local god-botherers don't knock on my door anymore :)

A few succesive "fuck off" s and they got the message (I really can't be arsed with them........if they persist after my first "No thank, I'm not interested" then a "fuck off" is pretty much inevitable I'm afraid).


The only ones that get on my nerves now are the Salvation Army.

They'll set up their lil' brass band at the end of the street and start playing those whingy aresed hymns.......at 8 o'clock on a Sunday morning........then, when they are sure they have woken up the whole street, They'll knock on every door beggin for money. (they are clever buggers at it as well......the coin collectors are always the frailest lil' old women.......and even I won't tell an old woman to fuck off :eh: )
 
They get the phrase "sorry, i've got my own religion."
And if they continue rambling i flip them the finger:finger: and tell them to "Get the fuck out of my house before i call the coppers, bible-thumpers!"
 
They don't go door-to-door here, they go to schools. I had them in high school and still have them in college; handing out the bibles and whatnot. I don't mind them, but I don't like them being so persistant.
 
They never make it to the front door - got two very big dogs - won't let strangers near the gate even. So I've had it on ocassion that they'd stand there screaming from the gate until I go out and tell them that we're busy with a ritual virgin sacrifice & can they please come back later.

It's the goddamned cyber Jehovah's that do my head in - those fuckers who keep sending me 'did you know that Jesus loves you' or 'got a moment for God?' or 'God loves you and he'll love you even more if you send this e-mail to 10 000 other hapless sods on this planet' e-mails and shit :rolleyes:
 
BeardofPants said:
What am I doing wrong?! Do I smell? *sniff* Nobody ever comes to proselytize me.
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Okay....

Plase come to jesus and get saved and stuff. It's like the only way except for the other ones.

Happy?
:hbd:
 
there is always the truth:


Jesus paid for your sins.


AND I STILL HAVENT GOTTEN MY MONEYS WORTH!!!!



I tried that once at my last school. ooooohhhhh the guy was pissed and didnt talk to me after that day :D actually i dont think hes been on that campus since that semester :D
 
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