Office 2003 Editions: Compare Them to Previous Versions
Published: October 22, 2003
See how upgrading to Office 2003 Editions can benefit you and your business. Compare the features and benefits of Office 2003 Editions with your version in the following areas:
Document Workspaces
Screw up the documents of others by modifying, misspelling, and garbling files using Document Workspaces.
Shared Workspace task pane
Check for updated versions of files after you've already made lots of changes only to see that they've been modified by someone else. Find out you've wasted your time even faster than before.
Shared contacts
Share contacts with others to ensure that your team members have the contacts they need to reach your spouse, dentist and hooker.
Meeting Workspace
Plan for and organize meetings by sharing who'll bring the donuts, paper footballs, and other distractions in a centralized location.
Share Outlook free/busy information
Schedule meetings with people using Outlook who don't share a Microsoft Exchange server by providing free/busy information over the Internet. This makes it easier for people to interrupt you during important meetings, or schedule conflicting events just to piss you off.
Word selection enhancements
It's even harder to select less than a single word. Select two letters and the whole word is highlighted. Select a word and the whole sentence is highlighted. Select a sentence and a word in a random document on your hard drive is deleted.
Word formatting restrictions
Every document must be in ALL-CAPS 42 point Times New Roman font.
Improved proprietary formats
Keep information private by making sure no other program from any other manufacturer can open your documents.
Better Obfuscated XML
New XML format for documents is even more confusing for greater pseudo-openness.
Product implantation
Each user will have a microscopic magnetic implant inserted into their skulls to prevent unauthorized copying of Office 2003 programs. Your company doesn't want to be liable for piracy. Trust us on this one.
Excel 2003 enhanced templates
New macros for calculating how much time until the weekend, how long you spend playing solitaire and minesweeper, and logging aimless web surfing time.
Enhanced keyboard shortcuts in Word 2003
Keyboard shortcuts have been randomly distributed to new keys to ensure continued product training income.
Features buried much deeper
Average menu depth has been increased to 7.4/item across the entire Office 2003 line making sure you don't accidentally select something you didn't want too.
PowerPoint dumb tag support
For idiots who keep asking stupid questions during your presentations.
Outlook 2003 e-mail notification
Pop-up notification of new e-mail no matter what application you are working in. Guaranteed to screw up your gaming experience just to let you know you've received another spam.
Improved letter templates
Because someday you WILL write a letter dammit!
New Color Palette
We've added 3 colors to the regular palette to offer you more options when changing your font's appearance.
Note: This feature requires Microsoft Exchange Server 2003, Microsoft Windows Server 2003, Microsoft Encarta, Microsoft Ages of Empires, Microsoft Flight Simulator, and Microsoft Bob.
Outlook 2003 local caching
Local caching downloads all necessary information to your computer as it comes in—so you're not affected by network performance issues. This way, instead, you are the cause of said network performance issues.
Extensible smart tags
PowerPoint 2003, Outlook 2003, and Access 2003 support third-party and customized smart tags to bring you yet another possible security hole.
Access exactly the same but costs $50 more
Access much more valuable to your corporation with $50 more on the price tag.
Feature Office 97 Office 2000 Office XP Office 2003
No Reason to Upgrade
There's absolutely no reason to upgrade for home users.
