need some advice and opinions to give my brother...

sam_fisher

sam_fisher

New Member
sorry this is so long but i am really worried about my bro.
here's the situation..

my brother got married to this chick last December. they dated all through highschool and split up during college and got back together after college and got married. the whole time they were apart, she told him she was on her own and strugglling...turned out her parents covered her rent, utilities, a vehicle, gas, and basically everything. during college she got like 7 or 8 credit cards and maxed them out during this time on clothes, parties, and other useless bullshit.he told me $18k worth.

when they got married all he knew was that she had some school loan debts. she swore that she would always have a job and pay on her debt. so they got a joint checking account .and then all the credit card shit got sprung on him after they got married...after working full-time about 3 months on a temp license so she could treat patients and make good money. she took her board exam to recieve her real license and failed it due to never studying for it. they gave her another 3 month temp license, and he tried to get her to study for the upcoming retake of the test and she failed it again due to not studying. now she's been working at a local clothing retailer 10-16 hours weekly making $160 bucks a week. she puts 60 in the bank and blows the rest on who knows what...
she barely tries to find a job...sleeps till dinner every day and hangs out with her mom and dad for the rest of the day...
he told me about the first two weeks they were married she cooked a little bit and cleaned a little...but after that she never cooks, cleans, or picks up after herself. he does it all and he say's it feels like he's raising her instead of being married to her..

he told me that about 3 weeks ago all her credit cards were late and that she expects him to pay those credit card bills. he told her no and that she needed to get off her ass, learn some responsiblity, pull her weight. she runs and tells her folks what he said and they tell her that she's suppesed to provide for her...hell he's providing a roof over head(bought a house last year), food, heat, and water. all the things he provides for takes up nearly or all of his check.

i'm going with him tomorrow to close their account and he going to open him a new one at a new bank. and she's going to open her a separate on also. she asked the question yesterday " how am i supposed to pay my credit card bills if you take your money away from me?" he just said "i dunno?"
now she's saying she doesn't want to have separate accounts because she doesn't want to feel separated from him... thats bullshit..
most days he eats mayonaise sandwiches for lunch and she goes out eats expensive lunches with her friends and family, buys clothes and $100 dollar purses and puts it on the debit card. and he wonders where the money for the house payment went.

her mother and sister have been pushing her to have a baby since they got married, and he knows she's to immature and things are too uncertain. she also been screaming that she wants a baby since they got married.....her loyalty lies strictly with her parents. he suggests somethings...she pow wows with her folks and she comes back and her response is what ever they tell her to say...
he's tried talking to her numerous times about everything and getting firm but it does no good.
its not his place to pay those credit card bills is it? WTF does he need to do? get out of the marriage? he loves her but i think he's had enough of the bullshit.its basically driving him crazy..
he has the biggest heart, and thats why he's let it go on this long i believe.

thanks.
sam.
 
Tell the man to run...fast...RUN...

The advice isn't subtle but neither is this woman's disposition of immaturity and lazyness. He has to make the gravy trian stop for her and he needs to end the relationship...there is no other way around it.

She forgets love isn't really unconditional so she mooches...and boy does she mooches from what I read.

Tell the brother to let go of the woman and get on with his life......it may hurt at first but his wallet has felt enough pain already.
 
At least she's not as bad as my dad, who maxed out the credit cards on a trip to Florida with his girlfriend while he was still married and we were all still here at home.

She isn't willing to listen, so there's really nothing he can do. Leaving her won't teach her anything either, she's tied to her parents until they cut her off, and I really doubt they'd listen to him, all they've probably heard is her bad mouthing him to them.
 
Wow, this is a really complicated life situation.......certainly not something to take lightly.

Here's what I would do if I was in your brothers position Sam :)

1. Put on my heaviest pair of boots.

2. Open the front door.

3. Walk the wife to the front door, tell her I had a nice surprise for her.

4. When she gets to the door I'd kick her so hard up the arse that she wouldn't land until she hit her precious parents front porch.

5. Lock the front door and change the locks.

6. The next day I'd pack up all her shit, including all the trash and dirty dishes she'd left around the house and drop that lot off at her parents house as well.

7. Spend some of my own hard earned cash to enjoy myself for a change.

Hope that helps :)
 
well...sam...marriages are between 2 people and it sounds to me like those 2 people need to sit down by themselves like grownups and discuss the isssue...like man and wife. if this doesn't work to start the ball rolling in the right direction then he basically needs to kick her ass out. :)
 
like all others i say kick her out. one word. divorce. she obviously hasnt grown up at all. she needs to before she has a child and should have before he proposed.
 
I've been in the exact same situation. I know exactly what he's going through because the more I read of the post, the more it sounded like Brandi. Right down to the baby pressure.

I'm in the midst of a divorce right now, if that gives you an idea as to my suggestion.

I'm sorry to say that no matter what, his credit rating will take a sizable hit no matter what he does.
 
The most worrying thing for me is that she discusses things with her parents. Decisions should be made between husband and wife. If he truely wants to stay with her and try and get her to wake up and start living in the real world you could suggest he tries the following:

1)Take the joint bank account cards/ credit cards away and give her an allowance (since she seems to be treating his money like that she would get from her parents who seem to have spoiled her, hence her current behaviour). Even if that means setting up another account and having a set amount of the "households" money put into it for her.

2) Sit down and explain the fact that with his current wage he isn't in the position to support the flash lazy lifestyle that she was used to as a kid. Maybe the parents lived this way there whole life with the father providing and the mother spending it on whatever she wanted. But the financial situation isn't the same obviously. And times have changed, if she went to college then she wanted to do something and should study and work for that career. A baby so soon after marriage seems an easy way out but I doubt that she would be a good mother at her current level of responsibility and maturity.

3) Present the financial facts in paper to her and explain the situation and that she needs to do something. It isn't a second childhood for her.

Thats my thoughts on the situation. Sitting the other side of the world behind a computer, its easy to make these suggestions but to put them into action and make them work is another matter. Could be down to the romantic in me but if he loves her and they are just recently married I think he has to try and make her understand the situation and resolve it.
I have a friend that felt he was pressured into marriage and thought it would only last a couple of months. He is still married and happily so (well last time I spoke to him) a year later. ;)
 
Tell him to get divorced now, keep record of her spending habits.

They haven't been married long, so if he does it fast, he will keep everything he paid for.

But it sounds like my ex (girlfriend not wife)

RUN
 
First of all you tell him to keep his dick in his pants. He definitely doesn't need to be getting her pregnant now. The money shit is just money shit though, probably doesn't know any better. I'm assuming here that he does love the girl, so it could be salvagable if she were willing to take some responsibility.

My basic advice though would be to get the hell out now and don't look back.
 
:s I hope it all works out for him. Seems the obvious thing to do is kick her out and don't think twice about it. If she was to actually get a job and pay at least all her credit card bills ontime (minimum or more) and her own shopping/spending needs - then it might be saveable. But he'd have to put his foot down and mean it.
 
Inkara1 said:
So he bought the house before they got married?
Click to expand...

yes he bought he bought the house a while before they got married...all they have together is the car that she drives and she said she would pay for.
 
No offense to your husbands wife but she sounds like a spoiled brat.

He shouldn't have to "bring her up" as someone else. They need to sit down and talk it through and come to some agreement. Then if it doesn't work, then finish it.
 
Arris said:
No offense to your husbands wife but she sounds like a spoiled brat.

He shouldn't have to "bring her up" as someone else. They need to sit down and talk it through and come to some agreement. Then if it doesn't work, then finish it.
Click to expand...
i think now she's wanting to go back to school for something else. all she knows is to go to school and have somebody take care of her.. hell, she just needs to pass that test and make a career out of two degrees she has. she wants to be the professional and perpetual student. damn.

any time there's something that needs to be done, she calls her dad and i know my bro feels like chopped liver when that happens. her parents have to much her life input especially her mother.
her mother tries to control her every move. her dad seems cool, but she always, ALWAYS puts them first.
she just wants somebody to bail her out of her mistakes and support her lazy ass.

sam.
 
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