Only in Africa

AlphaTroll

AlphaTroll

New Member
In a restaurant in Zambia:
"Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the grounds of a private school in South Africa:
"No trespassing without permission."

On a window of a Nigerian shop:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come here?."

On a poster in Ghana:
"Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help."

In a hotel in Mozambique:
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 09.00 am and 11.00am daily."

On a river in the Democratic Republic of Congo:
"Take note: When this sign is submerged, the river is impassable."

In a Zimbabwean restaurant:
"Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."

A sign seen on a hand dryer in a Lesotho public toilet: "Risk of electric shock - Do not activate with wet hands."

In a Botswana jewellery shop:
"Ears pierced while you wait."

On one of the buildings of a Sierra Leonne hospital:
"Mental Health Prevention Centre."

In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania:
"No children allowed!"

In a cemetery in Uganda:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves".

In a Malawi hotel:
"It is forbidden to steal towels, please. If you are not a person to do such a thing, please don't read this notice."

A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park:
"It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose."

Yeah honey, let's get married so we can go camping & sleep in the same tent

In a Namibian nightclub:
"Ladies are not allowed to have children in the bar."

In a photo studio in Chitungwiza (Zimbabwe):
"Photos taken while you wait"


I especially like the one about the illiterate adults......freakin retards (the makers of the sign, not the illiterate people) :rolleyes:
 
*rofl* Those are great!

No children in a maternity ward.

No having children in the bar.

Mental health prevention!!!

and of course

In a cemetery in Uganda:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves".

In a Malawi hotel:
"It is forbidden to steal towels, please. If you are not a person to do such a thing, please don't read this notice."
Click to expand...

:rofl3:
 
They're funny because we can see how a poor understanding of english grammar can lead to misunderstandings... it's sad because some places feel that they have to put signs up in english despite not knowing the correct method of doing so.

[size=-1]In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. [/size]
[size=-1]In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. [/size]
[size=-1]In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. [/size]
[size=-1]In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. [/size]
[size=-1]On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. [/size]
[size=-1]On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service. [/size]
[size=-1]Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. [/size]
[size=-1]Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years. [/size]
[size=-1]In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter. [/size]
[size=-1]A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose. [/size]
[size=-1]In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. [/size]
[size=-1]A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages. [/size]
[size=-1]Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? [/size]
[size=-1]On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right. [/size]
[size=-1]In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin. [/size]
[size=-1]On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life. [/size]
[size=-1]Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions. [/size]
[size=-1]On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. [/size]
[size=-1]At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. [/size]
[size=-1]In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases. [/size]
[size=-1]In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here. [/size]
[size=-1]In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run. [/size]
[size=-1]From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. [/size]
[size=-1]From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. [/size]
[size=-1]Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.[/size]
 
You know you're South African when:

* You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer.

* You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.

* You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.

* You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers.

* To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750.

* Hijacking cars is a profession.

* You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light.

* The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car.

* More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.

* People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift and Given. (Precious, Joy, Happiness)

* " Just Now" can mean anything from a minute to a month.

* You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.

* Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest car on the highway.

* You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it.

* A bullet train is being introduced but we can't fix potholes.

* The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.

* You paint your car's registration number on the roof.

* Only half of your mail is guaranteed to reach its destination.

* You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital.

* You dial a toll - free number and nobody answers.

* You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.

* Prisoners go on strike.
 
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