Opposite of Boo's post...

C

CheeseRocket

New Member
Ok... I needed to get advice from people who don't know me, or anything about me. So why not make it my first post here?

Situation... 29YO, M, lived alone. Work in corporate america, and work at a bar on the weekends. I would never say I was a player, I just never found the one I gave a chance. I never even let a chick spend the night at my place. That's just the way I was. I loved my solitude. Just me and the boy, Marmaduke.

Enter H. She and I meet at work and start dating.She is 20 YO, and stuck in a lease with her ex. He couldn't afford the place solo, so to protect her credit she's been paying 1/2 his rent. She was living with her sister in a cramped apartment. Not happy with her living situation, I ask her to move into the spare room of my house. Odd, I know. But I needed to keep some sanity and solitude in my life.

This was 5 months ago. We have been OK with everything until now. Knowing she didn't have a lot of $$, I spent the lst 5 months flipping the bill for EVERYTHING. to the point where I am now in debit. A place I don't like to be, living paycheck to paycheck. She just finished her lease, and at the same time my 3rd lease needs to be signed for the house.

In stead of her staying, she decideds she doesn't want to sign a lease and wants to get her own place. She wants to prove to me and everyone else that she can do it on her own. Now.. only paying 1/2 a lease she couldn't afford food... how can she do it shelling out more than twice that?? So, in an effort to keep her in my life, I offer her the chance to prove it... live here, pay me $400 a month, stash $300, and in a year, if she followed up, she'll have $3600 and no argument from me on moving out.

Now... am I being selfish, or she being stubborn?
 
Erm, I don't get it - are you in love with this woman or what? Why do you keep paying for everything? Why do you so desperately want her to stay with you? I mean, you said it yourself - you put her up in the spare room because you wanted solitude (well, as much as you could have with another person living there).

Also, wouldn't it make more sense for her to have signed the lease over to the ex in full (why would her credit be affected if she legally signed it over to him & then stopped paying for a place she doesn't occupy?) Surely she could have taken some steps to have the place sold, got the cash back, split the difference & move on while leaving the ex to find a more affordable place?

If you have been paying for everything, shall we assume that her entire paycheck is going towards paying off another man's house? And your HAPPY with that?

So now the lease is finished and she wants to move on, get a place of her own?

Well, sorry mate, but it sounds like yer being played - she's had a freeloading time, living with you for 5 months and now that she'll have money to start paying you back she wants to rather move out & leave you with a bunch of debt accumulated because of her (in essence).
 
AlphaTroll said:
Well, sorry mate, but it sounds like yer being played - she's had a freeloading time, living with you for 5 months and now that she'll have money to start paying you back she wants to rather move out & leave you with a bunch of debt accumulated because of her (in essence).
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Not selfish. I agree with with Trolley. Sounds like you've been taken advantage of. Whether or not she did this unwittingly I don't know. How long have you been seeing this girl in total?
 
It was late when I posted, and the topic was getting long, so I left out a few things.

First... yea. We're in love. I had never felt this way about a chick before, and she has made steps to show me she loves me too. We only dated fro about a month when I asked her to move in.

2nd... She wants to keep dating after she moves out. She doesn't want to end anything, she just wants to have her own apartment. No roommates, no BF.

3rd.... When I say I paid for everything, I meant house wise. I continued to pay the full rent, utilities, groceries, etc. She paid her rent at the old Apt, her car payments and bills on her own.

Her lease was un breakable. Delaware law. The apt complex wouldn't let her out of it, and if he didn't pay they had her to collect from. So to protect herself, she boned up 1/2 the rent still.


Does that help put light on this some more?
 
this may come across harsh, but truly it is not meant to be. if she doesn't accept your offer of the 'savings plan' and stay with you, then she doesn't WANT to live with you. she's 20? she is probably wanting to move on. i'm sorry. just being blunt. if you are so set on your solitude (and i can understand) then perhaps you are not ready for her to be a permanent fixture. ooh, and welcome to otc!
 
:banghead: I sooooo want to rant here...but I won't. My suggestion is to move on...and on...and on...And don't ever again be deceived into thinking that there is a woman out there who will EVER appreciate a fucking thing that you do for them.
 
Squiggy said:
:banghead: I sooooo want to rant here...but I won't. My suggestion is to move on...and on...and on...And don't ever again be deceived into thinking that there is a woman out there who will EVER appreciate a fucking thing that you do for them.
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oh, you've got to be kidding me! thats a horrible thing to say squiggy. there are a gazillion women who are appreciative of their men. hell, i'm appreciative of mine! i may not feel very happy with him but i'm appreciative as hell. most women aren't like that....are they?
 
CheeseRocket said:
It was late when I posted, and the topic was getting long, so I left out a few things.

2nd... She wants to keep dating after she moves out. She doesn't want to end anything, she just wants to have her own apartment. No roommates, no BF.

Does that help put light on this some more?
Click to expand...

That's an ambiguous statement - how can she want to keep dating after she moves out, yet not want a boyfriend? What, like one of those open relationships where you are free to date whomever you want & just see each other when the mood suits you?

Look, all I'm saying is that I think she's got your number mate. Whatever you do - don't co-sign a lease with her for this new place, might end up paying her lease off.
 
AlphaTroll said:
That's an ambiguous statement - how can she want to keep dating after she moves out, yet not want a boyfriend? What, like one of those open relationships where you are free to date whomever you want & just see each other when the mood suits you?

Look, all I'm saying is that I think she's got your number mate. Whatever you do - don't co-sign a lease with her for this new place, might end up paying her lease off.
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No... my comment, "No roommate, No BF" I meant IN the house. Living solo. She wants to keep dating, and she cry's everynight thinking that i am going to end it if she moves out. She just wants a place of her own, period. No one else living there... like I had before she moved in.
 
CheeseRocket said:
No... my comment, "No roommate, No BF" I meant IN the house. Living solo. She wants to keep dating, and she cry's everynight thinking that i am going to end it if she moves out. She just wants a place of her own, period. No one else living there... like I had before she moved in.
Click to expand...

Oh, OK well that makes more sense.

Hey man, I'm not one to give good advise, sorry, but I hope it works out.
 
CheeseRocket said:
Ok... I needed to get advice from people who don't know me, or anything about me. So why not make it my first post here?

Situation... 29YO, M, lived alone. Work in corporate america, and work at a bar on the weekends. I would never say I was a player, I just never found the one I gave a chance. I never even let a chick spend the night at my place. That's just the way I was. I loved my solitude. Just me and the boy, Marmaduke.

Enter H. She and I meet at work and start dating.She is 20 YO, and stuck in a lease with her ex. He couldn't afford the place solo, so to protect her credit she's been paying 1/2 his rent. She was living with her sister in a cramped apartment. Not happy with her living situation, I ask her to move into the spare room of my house. Odd, I know. But I needed to keep some sanity and solitude in my life.

This was 5 months ago. We have been OK with everything until now. Knowing she didn't have a lot of $$, I spent the lst 5 months flipping the bill for EVERYTHING. to the point where I am now in debit. A place I don't like to be, living paycheck to paycheck. She just finished her lease, and at the same time my 3rd lease needs to be signed for the house.

In stead of her staying, she decideds she doesn't want to sign a lease and wants to get her own place. She wants to prove to me and everyone else that she can do it on her own. Now.. only paying 1/2 a lease she couldn't afford food... how can she do it shelling out more than twice that?? So, in an effort to keep her in my life, I offer her the chance to prove it... live here, pay me $400 a month, stash $300, and in a year, if she followed up, she'll have $3600 and no argument from me on moving out.

Now... am I being selfish, or she being stubborn?
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i think shes being selfish. i hate to say that but she left you in debt. amd also it seems like your in love with her. be careful tho. i dont know how honest she is but i would talk to her and tell her how you feel. read my sig. DONT TURN AWAY FROM LOVE. youll regret it. good luck.
 
Squiggy said:
:banghead: I sooooo want to rant here...but I won't. My suggestion is to move on...and on...and on...And don't ever again be deceived into thinking that there is a woman out there who will EVER appreciate a fucking thing that you do for them.
Click to expand...


Change "woman" to "anyone" and you're right.
 
I dunno. I understand her wanting some freedom and independance for a while. I know that probably would have helped me out a lot before I got married if I had moved out on my own as originally planned instead of just letting things go the way they went. It sucks for you to be left in debt, and I'm not saying she's right or wrong.

But I can totally sympathsize with her need for independance to kind of find herself and continue dating you before making agreements to stay for another year.
 
Ok. I am Heather. Rick's Heather.

There are a few things i would like to say about this. Some of you are bashing me before they even know me. and that's okay.

I am 20 years old. I do love Rick. I was engaged before i met Rick. I decided to sign a year lease with him thinking it would last. low and behold, it didn't. I did move into my sisters. I then decided i would rather live at my mom's house. Rick and i started dating just before i wanted to move into my mom's. He knew i would have to sleep in the living room on a mattress on the floor. it was either that or move back in with my ex. no way. Rick asked me to move in with him. Mind you, he's never even let someone stay the night let alone live with him. That alone took ALOT for him to do that. I really do appreciate that.
Things have been pretty good minus the bumps in the road that any realationship would go thru. He's taken great strides to make an effort to show me he loves me.
Yes he has paid his bills and most of my food. I had to pay rent for a place i was not living at. Plus, my own 2002 car. My own bills. i came straight from highschool to living with a serious partner. I don't want to sign a lease with anyone for obvious reasons. i'm afraid that something would happen were i would be stuck in the same situation. I want to say that i can take care of myself even if it's only a year. Rick has had the experience of living on his own. I'm just saying that if i fall flat on my face living on my own, i will be happy knowing that i atleast tried. if that doesn't make sense, i'm sorry.
Bottom line, I love rick and i don't want it to end. If i do this, it's just to better myself in the long run. It's not the same if i pay him a certain amount every month. i want to be able that Heather could take care of Heather and not need anyone to help me with this financially (sp?).

i know this was long, but i just wanted people to hear my side as well.

u guys may not hear from me that often. i want to leave this site for rick. i just want to see what u guys think about this situation.

:worship:
 
No-one was bashin you - simply stating our opinions based on the info provided.

Good luck to you both, hope you find a way to sort things out.
 
good to know your side heather. the reason we said what we did was because of old experiences, or we didnt know your side and didnt know what was going on. good luck guys. good to know you love him
 
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