Our appologies to the USA

MrBishop

MrBishop

Well-Known Member
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America.

We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.
I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this.

We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.

Rick Mercer
 
A partial reply from one American

How kind of you all to offer your apology to us. While the length of time it took has been great, we will overlook that just as we do so many things already.

And in the spirit of continued peaceful relations, we would also like to issue our own apology to our Canadian friends. Both of them. So here goes.

We would like to apologize for making you live so close to Michigan. Yes, we are aware that by and large, they are not the most desirable neighbors. But someone has to put up with them, amd we did put some distance between you and Louisiana after all.

We are truly sorry for our cultural icons overshadowing yours. After all, there are only so many Elvis Presleys, Marilyn Monroes, and Tiger Woods to go around. It isn't your fault that you got stuck with Loverboy.

We do genuinely feel your pain related to the whole English/French speaking affair too. Well, not really we don't...in fact, we don't even understand that whole mess...but we always say that we do so you'll feel better about it. So keep your collective chins up, mes amis. It's all bon.

Oh, and that Olympic hockey thing? That's quite all right. We've already forgotten completely about that. It never was a big deal to us anyway. It ranks about as high as the curling finals to us. We're far too busy producing winning basketball, gymnastics, track, and figure skating medals to even miss a hockey match. Then again, we've also had other accomplishments since then to hang our hats on, so the obsession is completely understandable on your part.

And please accept our apologies for the trade deficit between us. We shouldn't expect you to continue buying American cars when we don't buy Canadian cars. It just isn't right. How obtuse of us.

In fact, to be totally honest with you, we really don't think about you all that much at all. We're a little preoccupied with our neighbors to the south right now...not to mention taking up the slack from every other developed nation in the world when it comes to anything military, and more advanced than throwing snowballs. It's OK, our soldiers don't require treatment for heatstroke when the temperature rises above 65.

Oops, that's 65 Farenheit. We're not sure what that equates to in your counting system...and quite frankly, we don't care. Because we don't have to.

Finally, we would like to apologize to each of you for our leader. Next time, when we sit down to select who we want to lead our contry, we'll try and remember to consult you and get feedback regarding your feelings. Surely, somewhere in this vast nation, we must have a politician named Francois, would that be acceptable?

Au revoir,

The Big Dogs
 
Rofl!

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