Parenting Question

[Camelyn]

As you may or may not know, I am raising my 2 daughters (ages 4 and 5) mostly by myself (their father lives in Toronto). This means I make most parenting decisions on my own. Recently, I made a parenting choice I wanted your feedback on.

I was having trouble motivating my girls to clean up their room and do some small chores around the house. So, I decided that in exchange for doing this work, I would give them money, 50 cents to a dollar, depending on the task. After they complete their job, they get a big hug and then the money, which they put in a special container. I told them that they can buy whatever they want with it, and they can save it up for things like DVD's, games and toys.

Now I figure this will teach them the value of money as well as the beginnings of financial responsibility. However, I have a nagging thought that all this is going to do is turn them into materialistic, selfish individuals who put a dollar value on everything and who wouldn't have an altruistic bone in their bodies.

What do you think?

 

[Ms Ann Thrope]

I was never paid for doing what I was supposed to do. I did it or I got yelled at until I did it. And I think your fears of turning them into materialistic individuals are well-founded, however that need not be the result here. I have friends who received money in exchange for good grades, household chores, etc, and they're OK adults.

 

[Rose]

I dunno. I think children should have a reasonable amount of chores around the home. That teaches responsibility and lets them know they have to help out around the house.

I'm also a believer in an allowance system based on chores (rather than giving children x amount of money every week regardless). Like you said - this helps teach them the value of a dollar.

Having the girls put the money in a special container (I have a couple piggy banks from the $1 Store that are great!!) is a good idea, too, so it doesn't "burn a hole in their pocket" (even if they can't go out and spend it immediately anyway). Out of site, out of mind, kinda.

I do'nt think it will turn them materialistic. They are going to want for certain things regardless of whether they have to buy it or someone buys it for them. This way they can feel positive feedback from doing their chores and turning their money into something tangible - something they picked out on their own and something they own all their own (as in it wasn't given to them).

That's my two cents. And for the record, I don't have kids, so my views might be slighted.

 

[Leslie]

the thing with doing dollar for task...is eventually they start refusing to do anything whatsoever unless there's money involved...I feel from reading observing and experience that there should be an "allowance" if they're following the rules and contributing to the household by being well mannered and completing chores, but the tasks shouldn't be directly related to a dollar amount. That's my 2 cents.

 

[Camelyn]

They are going to want for certain things regardless of whether they have to buy it or someone buys it for them. This way they can feel positive feedback from doing their chores and turning their money into something tangible - something they picked out on their own and something they own all their own (as in it wasn't given to them)

This is exactly what gave me the idea. They visit their father, and their father buys them things, thier grandparents buy them things, I buy them things. I wanted to curb the "I want it!!' demands that I was getting from them whenever we went into a store. Now I can say "You want it? Save up for it." I want them to appreciate the things they have, and understand that they can't have everything.

Maybe I can show them altruism by suggesting that they give some of their money to a charitable cause, or to buy a gift for a friend. The good feeling they get will be the reward.

 

[Camelyn]

the thing with doing dollar for task...is eventually they start refusing to do anything whatsoever unless there's money involved...I feel from reading observing and experience that there should be an "allowance" if they're following the rules and contributing to the household by being well mannered and completing chores, but the tasks shouldn't be directly related to a dollar amount. That's my 2 cents.

I agree. The reason I wanted to try it this way was because of their ages. At this age, if the reward and consequence aren't immediate, it doesn't register. Once they get the concept, I was going to switch to an allowence.

 

[Ms Ann Thrope]

Maybe I can show them altruism by suggesting that they give some of their money to a charitable cause, or to buy a gift for a friend. The good feeling they get will be the reward.

Turn it into a family project. You can all research it together. Find the organization you feel is most deserving, and spend time helping out as volunteers. It doesn't have to be a monetary contribution.

 

[Camelyn]

Turn it into a family project. You can all research it together. Find the organization you feel is most deserving, and spend time helping out as volunteers. It doesn't have to be a monetary contribution.

That's a great idea

 

[Inkara1]

However, I have a nagging thought that all this is going to do is turn them into materialistic, selfish individuals who put a dollar value on everything and who wouldn't have an altruistic bone in their bodies.

What do you think?

I think it's better they learn it from you than learn it on the streets.

 

[Gonz]

Rose, you may not have 'em but if you stick to your guns when you do, you'll be an outstanding mom.

I think kids need a small allowance, because they have no way to make any money (especially the under 10 crowd). It shouldn't be tied to chores. However, there need to be expectations they help around the house. They are part of the family & since everybody lives there, they must too.

Set aside a day to make an example. When they get up & want to get dressed, make sure they have no clean clothes. When they want breakfast, make sure you forgot to go to the store & the only thing is (whatever they dislike), same with lunch & dinner. Unplug the cable & tell 'em they can't watch their favorite shows because mommy didn't want to pay the bill.

Make it a day of hell & always point out the reason it wasn't done was "I didn't want to" or "I forgot" "just like you forgot to clean your room".

 

[Professur]

A better (more comfortable) method might be to make it pocket money. But they don't get their pocket money until their chores are done. That way, they still have a carrot and stick to deal with, but the payment isn't for doing their job. It's negative instead of positive reinforcement.

 

[Mare]

Cam-I have a 9 and 3 1/2 yr old and being a single mom myself i know how you feel. Soemtimes i think if i do it it will get done right. My oldeset gets allowance sometimes-(when the money is avaliable), The younger one i tell if he wants something he has to clean up his mess first.
Its hard being a single parent-working and etc....... But the manual that they WERE supposed to give out at the hospital for taking care of your childern??? I must have been sleeping cus i didnt get one? Go Figure...

But all in all -I do spoil them when i can.....Plus my olsest helps me alot-they are in that brotherly love stage -you know the one where keep this one out of my stuff and aggitating each other-God Bless Us Moms......

 

[Camelyn]

But the manual that they WERE supposed to give out at the hospital for taking care of your childern??? I must have been sleeping cus i didnt get one? Go Figure...

Thanks Mare It's good to know you're not alone sometimes.

As for the manual, I didn't get one either. I wish they came with one...or even a pause button

 

[tonksy]

Thanks Mare It's good to know you're not alone sometimes.

As for the manual, I didn't get one either. I wish they came with one...or even a pause button

they have a pause button....it's called children's nyquil

 

[AlphaTroll]

Thanks Mare It's good to know you're not alone sometimes.

As for the manual, I didn't get one either. I wish they came with one...or even a pause button

Hehe, my friends want to send me back to the baby-making factory, apparently I'm defective 'cos I don't have an off switch

 

[Bungi]

A firm whack over the head turns most people off for a while...

 

[AlphaTroll]

Strange....that's usually what turns me on

 

[Kawaii]

*whacks AT over the temple with a sledgehammer*
Oooh yeah baby, you know you want it!

 

[tonksy]

*whacks AT over the temple with a sledgehammer*
Oooh yeah baby, you know you want it!

well...she might have before you killed her

 

[Professur]

well she's not telling him 'No', is she?