Really bad pick up lines

paul_valaru

100% Pure Canadian Beef
Pick Ups
1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!

2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.

3. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.

4. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

5. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

6. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

7. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

8. My love for you is like the energizer bunny; it keeps going and going....

9. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

10. Yo baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right and I'll do it your way right away.

11. I wish you were the pony at Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

12. Wanna Play House? You can be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.

13. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

14. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille nametag.

15. If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.

16. Guy: "Would you like to dance?" Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you." Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"

17. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seemed to have lost mine.

18. I look good on you.

19. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

20. If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?

21. You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one more going to hurt?

22. Pardon me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?

23. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.

24. Excuse me, do you wanna fuck, or should I apologize.

25. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

26. Do you want to dance, No? Well I guess a quickie is out of the question.

27. Hi, I'm necrofiliac, how good are you at playing dead?

28. I lost my bed! Can I borrow yours?

29. You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

30. My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, knead till hard, and serve hot.

31. Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long?

32. You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.

33. Hey baby, I'm like American Express, you don't want to leave home without me.

34. Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.

35. The word for the night is legs, let's go back to my room and spread the word.

36. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?

37. Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you'll be screaming it all night long.

38. I can't find my puppy; can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

39. Was your dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.

40. Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I'll go Choochoo.

41. You must be Jelly, cause jam don't shake like that.

42. The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue.

43. Guy: "haven't I seen you someplace before?" Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore"

44. Hi, my name is Skippy, like the peanut butter I stick to the roof of your mouth.

45. Hi, my name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick?



and as an extra, one that actually worked for me "don't touch me"
 
I'm a big fan of

*aussie accent* G'day, would ya like to fuck.

Worked twice. Got me flattened once. But she slept with me afterwards, so make that three times. BTW, that was during the bandring and cards that Bish mentionned.
 
"Do you fancy going halves on a bastard?"

"Sit on me face and I'll guess yer weight"

"Don't stand so damn close......I don't want you to get pregnant yet"

"I knew I'd fancy you the moment I saw your tits coming through the door"

"You'd look better without makeup.....let's go sweat it off ya"

These lines only work in bars that attract a certain type of clientel
 
I hate to say it, but if AE used this one on me - I'd follow right along like an obedient puppy dog.

Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you'll be screaming it all night long.

:lol: :blush:
 
My favorite:

Guy: Hey, do you like apples?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Well then, let's go back to my place and fuck like a pair of wild weasels. What do you think of them apples?
 
this was one i kinda went :alienhuh: to


her: whats your name?
me: Eric
her: I am Erica!! thats so cool!
me: uhhh huh....



and this is the line I used on Angel
I like your skirt



that outfit is very becoming of you. if i were on you id be cumming



ive had

I like your hair.
I like your pants
I like your shirt




and the most recent I used was I think you have beautiful eyes.
her response: :) thanks but I am wearing make up. that helps too.
I was too nervous to tell her she didnt need make up cause she was beautiful without it


oh and the Misfits show I was on stage with this girl. after the show I went up to her and said she was the best thing up there. she smiled at that one and thanked me.
 
Inkara1 said:
My favorite:

Guy: Hey, do you like apples?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Well then, let's go back to my place and fuck like a pair of wild weasels. What do you think of them apples?
bet they melt like butter.....
 
unclehobart said:
*hasty scribbling*

W..i..l.d w..ea..se..l..s ... got it!

*scampers off to find dig up his best disco threads*
i am reminded (twice in a 24 hr period no less) of the discovery channel song.....
 
I don't use lines, but I've had modest success complimenting young ladies on the way they smell. Here's one I heard once:

You're too kind. Three kind actually but who's counting.

:shrug: I still don't get it.

Do you know the difference between sex and drugs? Wanna get high?

Now if I'm asked, I like to answer like Jim Ignatowski: "Okey-doke!"
 
How about just dispensing with bad one-liners altogether. Just whip your stuff out and roll it under their nose like a fine cigar.
 
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