Slip sliding away

Gonz

molṑn labé
Staff member
The slope has been greased.

Hey Prof, wanna handle this one? I've run out of duct tape for my exploding skull.

Single parents learn hope
New programs let them study, balance home life affordably
By G. Jeffrey MacDonald Special for
USA TODAY

BEVERLY, Mass. — Last year at this time, then-21-year-old Monica Hernandez was inspecting catheters on an assembly line, raising her 2-year-old daughter alone and wondering how she'd ever afford their future.

Now she and Kaylee are living free of charge on the seaside campus of Endicott College, where she is studying to be a forensic detective — which earns up to $70,000 a year. Sharing a house with two other young women and their toddlers, she's part of an Endicott program revived this fall to help single parents pursue advanced degrees without the added burdens of full-time work and high-priced child care.

In Hernandez's case, as for hundreds of other single parents around the country, a newly opened door to education has transformed a grim outlook into a bright one. To unlock that door, participants say, they have needed three keys: motivation, programs to meet their needs and private donors who give money, time and even toys to make it all possible.

“We don't even have to put coins in the laundry machines,” Hernandez says. “We love it here.”

As a single parent with a drive to get ahead, she is far from alone. According to the Department of Education's latest survey, 13% of the nation's 16.5 million students enrolled in higher education programs were single parents. That's up from 7.6% in 1992-93.

But getting ahead is getting harder. Rising tuition costs are squeezing family budgets just as state and federal cutbacks are redefining what's available for everything from tuition to child care. And for low-income parents, more than one year off work for education is a luxury of the past.

A patchwork of initiatives has cropped up nationwide to help single parents get the degree they need to earn a good living. Yet success stories seldom happen unless others also adopt the single parent's quest for education as a cause of their own.

“This is central to our mission,” says Sister Jean Messaros, dean of students at College Misericordia in Dallas, Pa. “We see a college education as the ultimate education, a way to break the cycle of poverty.”

Like Endicott, College Misericordia and Wilson College in Chambersburg, Pa., have rolled out residency programs for single parents frustrated with the scramble to balance work, parenting and child care. Life is now consolidated on campus, and signs of change are hard to miss.

“We have high chairs in the dining halls and tricycles on the walkways,” says Lorna Duphiney Edmundson, president of Wilson College, which enrolls 32 mothers with 45 children in its Women with Children program.

At Endicott, life for single parents is a far cry from when Deborah Benoliel dropped out of high school and shared a $500-a-month Boston apartment three years ago. Now, she and her daughter Victorina share a suburban house with two other mothers and their two kids on a wooded lot so quiet “you can hear the crickets,” she says.

Nor is life here exactly as it is for most students. The picnic table and mower in the yard seem rather small, unless you're 2 years old. A fuzzy pink phone and purple centipede liven up the living room mantel. And forget Hobbes or Thoreau for this collegiate bathroom reading rack: the sole title is Caring for Your Baby and Young Child.

Providing for family needs, however, is challenging institutions at the bottom line. College Misericordia, for instance, requires about $105,000 a year to support its six mothers and their children, even with a no-cost housing arrangement courtesy of the Sisters of Mercy. Endicott relies on a $20,000 golf fundraiser to supplement other donations, on a campus where tuition alone costs $18,752 a year.

Across the nation, a variety of models have emerged to give single parents a leg up, yet one feature ties them together: a team effort. At least 12 states have scholarships for single parents, but success seems to favor those that can attract ample private dollars.

Case in point: the Arkansas Single Parent Scholarship Fund. What began with $2,400 divided equally among eight families in 1984 has become an $870,000 boon to more than 1,500 students. The secret, according to executive director Ralph Nesson, has been twofold: fundraising from local businesses and organizations to get state matching grants, and a steady stream of donations, in excess of $50,000 a year, from the Arkansas-based Walton Family Foundation.

“We've been fortunate to have reliable contributions year after year,” Nesson says. The program has kept 85% of its students in school.

Approaches vary from state to state. Activists in Ohio and Missouri, for instance, are launching scholarship programs based on Arkansas' model. Kentucky and California have welfare-to-work programs allowing up to two years of post-secondary education before requiring work. In Minnesota, taxpayers underwrite grants to reduce child-care costs for single parents pursuing an education.

But challenges are similar no matter where single parents live. A chief example is child care. Campus child-care centers watch about 20,000 more children today than 10 years ago, says Gail Solit of the National Coalition for Campus Children's Centers. Night and weekend care is increasingly needed.

However, federal funding for campus child-care centers shrank by almost 40%, a $9 million decrease, between 2001 and 2004. Among those feeling the sting were parents at Borough of Manhattan Community College. After child-care costs rose by $100 to $150 per family a week, at least 12 students dropped out, says Todd Boressoff of the school's Early Childhood Center. “They can't stay in school,” he says.

Even where child care is subsidized, single parents routinely rely on their own networks. All three single parents in Endicott's program, for instance, stay in the area with their own parents every weekend. They are an indispensable help with the kids — and the miscellaneous costs that keep on coming.

“When you're used to making money, good money, and then no money — that's a big change,” says Felicia Wells, who worked office jobs for four years after high school until joining the Endicott program this fall. “But I put my pride aside … Sometimes I ask them, ‘Can you buy me a pack of Pampers?' ”

Collective sacrifices seem to bring rewards. Wells says her boyfriend is willing to postpone marriage and see his son only on weekends because “he believes this is good for all of us.” The average college graduate earns 38% more than a high school graduate, according to U.S. Census figures.

What's more, single parents have come to campus “motivated, knowing what they wanted, not just for themselves but for their children,” says Lynn O'Toole, vice president of finance at Endicott. When the program first existed from 1993 to 1998, she says, single parents had a 3.3 grade point average; the campus average was 2.7.

Endicott single parents have a long road ahead, relying on regular counseling sessions and tutorials to help them thrive. But they know it's worth it.

“More school means more money to me,” Benoliel says. She knows the alternative, having worked full time at McDonald's. But now she intends to draw on her family's roots in Portugal, Spain and Cape Verde. She speaks four languages and plans to go into international business. “I've found out it's really expensive to raise a child.”

USA Today

Rewarding teenage sex & pregnancy. Yep, condoms on demand.
 
You mean after rewarding single parenthood? Teenage sex? Here are a couple of problems.

At least 12 states have scholarships for single parents


Case in point: the Arkansas Single Parent Scholarship Fund. What began with $2,400 divided equally among eight families in 1984 has become an $870,000 boon to more than 1,500 students. The secret, according to executive director Ralph Nesson, has been twofold: fundraising from local businesses and organizations to get state matching grants, and a steady stream of donations, in excess of $50,000 a year, from the Arkansas-based Walton Family Foundation.

Approaches vary from state to state. Activists in Ohio and Missouri, for instance, are launching scholarship programs based on Arkansas' model. Kentucky and California have welfare-to-work programs allowing up to two years of post-secondary education before requiring work. In Minnesota, taxpayers underwrite grants to reduce child-care costs for single parents pursuing an education.

However, federal funding for campus child-care centers shrank by almost 40%, a $9 million decrease, between 2001 and 2004. Among those feeling the sting were parents at Borough of Manhattan Community College. After child-care costs rose by $100 to $150 per family a week, at least 12 students dropped out, says Todd Boressoff of the school's Early Childhood Center. “They can't stay in school,” he says.

Even where child care is subsidized, single parents routinely rely on their own networks. All three single parents in Endicott's program, for instance, stay in the area with their own parents every weekend. They are an indispensable help with the kids — and the miscellaneous costs that keep on coming.
 
us single parents should just go put ourselves into stocks and have done with it. maybe someone will bring a bowl of dog food and water for us every month or two.
 
Look, I don't smile on single parenthood, but a privately funded education program is exactly the type of alternative to public assistance I can get behind. This situation gonna happen, and this is a better way to deal with it than the taxpayers shouldering the burden of one more minimum wage parent. I'm against matching funds, but this program in itself doesn't seem to have that burden.

You don't like tax funded programs, you don't like privately funded programs. What's your alternative, oh wise one?
 
Taking back our authority as parents. Making unwed mothering a stigma once again. Having teenage girls close thier legs. Shotgun weddings. Sending little papa to work the Quickie Mart until he gets his apprenticeship in the ditch diggers union.

These are already tax funded programs. That will increase multi-fold over teh coming years.

Instead of rewarding children for having children, maybe these privately funded programs can reward hard work & dedication to the unseen kids that do the right thing & get nothing in retuurn. The poor kids who didn't get pregnant or do drugs or steal or join gangs.

I'm sick & tired of those who make wrong choices forcing me to pay for their good time.
 
Just remember, if you can enforce your morality, those who have opposite views may someday enforce theirs - on you.

That's the point - you're not paying for this one. Christ, read your own article. I may not agree with where they put themselves, but when you show me a good, privately funded alternative to welfare and denigrate it based on morality, you've lost me. A way to get these folks producing without making me pay for it at the point of a gun is a good thing, IMO. Remarkably short-sighted of you, really.
 
Their morality is already being forced down our throats. In the last 50 years we've gone from Homes for Unwed Mothers & shotgun weddings to privately & publically funded single mother collegiate communes. Why am I the bad guy? Because I actuallt call a spade a spade?

Are we reading the same article? I see "state sponsored" words all through that article.
 
So just exactly what the fuck should I and the rest of these people do, Gonz? Roll over and give up? I should just off myself now and let the state have my kids? The reality of my life is that this is where it's at. I can get into a program like that, or I can end up on and then sit on Welfare for the rest of my life, cause minimum here is NOT enough to support onesself on, never mind raise a family on.
 
Leslie, you did the right thing. Your husband violated the vows. HE should have to pay. You are a *gasp, choke* victim. Many are in your shoes. My complaint is 18 year old Susie Spreadem & her 3 illigitimate children by 3 idiot boys with hardons. She gets freebies while Willma Workinghard from the wrong side of the tracks has to work her way through college for NOT fucking the team captain.
 
The problem is, that when you say single parent and wish to blanket shut down all those programs, Gonz, you're shuttin me and all like me out at the same time. If I don't get help, I am fucked, and mine and my kid's futures are likely doomed to be crap.
That is a reality here that you're not considering, or didn't seem to be.

And at the same time...Penicillin Penny will either sit on Welfare with her 7 kids for the rest of her life, or she can get it together and with a few years kick in the ass make it for herself and support her kids on her own. It's not necessarily an evil thing here.
 
I thnk it is a good thing that they are given these programs to be honest. the condoms on demand is a lot better than no condoms because that increses the risk of disease and the possibility of pregnancy.
 
Leslie...just because you got screwed doesn't make your life the responsibility of those around you. It sucks & there's a good chance you'll find a program to help you. Hopefully it's privatel funded. There are also family members.

Your kids are his financial burden. I don't know Canadian law but he should be forced to pay for their education, just like if he was living at home & still happily married. Place the blame & the hardship on those responsible. When he whines how hard his life is, laugh in his face.
 
That's nice and idealistic and all, but it isn't real. Not for me, or the bajillions of others like me out there.

Either I do it myself, or the State gets the kids, and that's the bottom line.
For me to get to where I can do it myself, I will take help. That's it.

He isn't gonna help me more than he is. The court order is written and done. He could have a stroke tomorrow and I'll never see another cent. He cannot be relied on for anything. Their college is paid for, not by him, but it's paid for nonetheless. The rest is on me.
 
Personal responsibility. Had he been forced to take some, his actions may have been different. Using a stroke is a bad example because that would also be true if you two were still married. However, if he were required to pay your rent & utilities, as well as for the kids school until they earned a Bachelors Degree, he might have thought differently.

When the state picks up the tab, nobody loses, except all of us.
 
My sister's husband left her 6 months after their baby was born. He's a worthless lazy ass who can't support himself, much less a wife and child. Collecting child support from him is simply not possible, he cannot hold a job. You can't squeeze blood from a stone(r). I have no idea why she ever married the guy, but that's neither here nor there.

She was working as a waitress, busting her ass to make ends meet, and more often than not the ends fell short. I convinced her to move down here from north Georgia, where good jobs are scarce, so that I could help her. The state of Florida provided her with low-cost housing close to the county technical school, where she attended classes full-time, and achieved certification in graphic arts and printing. They also provided assistance with daycare and groceries. I bought her a reliable, safe car and paid her insurance and fuel/maintenance expenses. She was hired the day she graduated, landing an excellent job with good pay, and has since moved into a nice rental house until she can buy her own place.

If it weren't for the programs and assistance offered by the state, it would have been incredibly difficult, if not impossible, for her to improve her situation and become a productive citizen.

I kinda agree with what you are saying about teenage pregnancies caused by carelessness and/or ignorance, Gonz, but assistance programs to help single mothers attend school and get job training are a godsend, and I thank all of those private individuals who generously help support such programs. Not all of the single mothers who benefit from them are in their situation because they are lazy or irresponsible. I for one don't mind a bit if my tax dollars go toward helping people get an education - in the long run it's good for the economy.
 
For the umpteenth time, I'm not ragging on the people who got fucked through no fault of their own.

I'm pissed at giving teenagers a break for being stupid and rewarding them for bad decisions. I'm pissed that we no longer make the responsible pay for their actions...instead we place the burden on everybody else.

In the dark & putrid past of, oh, 1970, there would have been a shotgun wedding. The boy would have been forced to quit college to care for his new & coming family. He would have done so. OR The slut mommy would have given birth & turned the child over for adoption by a loving, married couple who could afford the responsibilities of a newborn. She would have been sad. She also would have known it was the right thing.

Fast forward to 2004...abortion or Mommy Dorms.

Something ain't right.
 
No. I was named slut of the month for about 4 years running.

My parents were idiots & didn't discuss the morality of unmarried sex. I had no baseline. Over the next 25+ years, I've seen the damage done by fools like my parents. Would it have stopped me? I don't know. It sure as hell didn't help.

Come to think about it, I knew a few girls who were "saving themselves". I thought more of them than the ones I told "respect you in the morning? Hell, I don;t respect you now."
 
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