SN'P --- I know you have a daughter

[TexasRaceLady]

This might come in handy ---

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,current medical report from your doctor and personal recommendation from your clergy.

NAME_________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

 

[Luis G]

 

[Gonz]

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

Yes
Yes
Yes
No
Yes
Yes

Does this mean I'm out?

 

[2minkey]

post pics, please.

 

[BeardofPants]

Yes
Yes
Yes
No
Yes
Yes

Does this mean I'm out?

You want to date SnP's daughter?

 

[SouthernN'Proud]

I have a similar, slightly more regionally appropriate version of this. Printed.

Last summer a young man who I actually liked at first was afoot. Over time he began to display other, less desirable traits and was banished from our realm of existence, first by the WTD herself, then by her mother, and finally by me.

Early on in the courting ritual, I led the young man on a walking tour of the property. As we strolled leisurely around the place, he commented on what a nice piece of land this was. I asked him if there was one spot in particular he was fond of more than the rest. He looked at me puzzled. I added that if there was, and if he ever sinned beyond redemption, I could make sure that the spot he chose would be his eternal resting point. I added the fact that I own 3 1/2 acres, a shotgun, a shovel, and a flashlight...and that I was afraid of none of the above.

The current beau, upon meeting me for the first time, calmly stated that I would not need my shovel or shotgun...he'd heard the stories and planned to abide. Smart kid.

 

[SouthernN'Proud]

Yes
Yes
Yes
No
Yes
Yes

Does this mean I'm out?

Yes. Plus you live on the wrong side of the Manson/Nixon Line. For her AND my taste.

 

[Nixy]

I still don't see what's wrong with a truck with big tires...I mean, the other stuff I can see why a Daddy would not like it too much (even though I am rather fond of Tattoos myself and like certain piercings)...but what trouble could a truck with big tires possible bring? I'd be more concerned if the boy was driving some lowered, suped up, thing that looks like maybe at one time it was a truck but now is so low it couldn't even carry a peanut in the dump without bottoming out...

 

[catocom]

I have a similar, slightly more regionally appropriate version of this. Printed.

lol, I'll bet y'all do.
Had it when she was born dit'n ya?

 

[Gonz]

You want to date SnP's daughter?

How much for de leetle gurl

 

[Luis G]

I still don't see what's wrong with a truck with big tires...I mean, the other stuff I can see why a Daddy would not like it too much (even though I am rather fond of Tattoos myself and like certain piercings)...but what trouble could a truck with big tires possible bring? I'd be more concerned if the boy was driving some lowered, suped up, thing that looks like maybe at one time it was a truck but now is so low it couldn't even carry a peanut in the dump without bottoming out...

Cars with big tires are quite high, thus you will be out of sight.

 

[SouthernN'Proud]

Worse than that, Luis.

Trucks with big tires = the ability to go far off-road = escaping the detection of the cop on patrol = privacy = shotgun/flashlight/shovel time.

 

[SouthernN'Proud]

How much for de leetle gurl

Depends. You gonna feed her too?

 

[Gonz]

In that case....


TAXI!!!!!