This one's for the parents

F

FluerVanderloo

New Member
So, I'm stuck with what to do in this situation. Mind you, I'm not a parent, but I'd like to see this situation from a parent's point of view.

My fourteen year old cousin is pregnant, and about two months along.

The background:
Her 'boyfriend', Justin, is her age, and has been having sex with Amanda since she turned fourteen in August. From what both Amanda and Justin have said, it was happening at his mother's house, and she knew about it, even going so far as to providing condoms for them. And, obviously, it didn't work this time around. Apparently he was Amanda's first, but she wasn't his. Furthermore, Justin is also a jackass in that he threatens Amanda with breaking up with her just to piss her off and get her worked up. He "aggrivates" her, as my aunt said, but wouldn't give details. When Amanda's brother tries to get Justin to stop, Amanda will yell at her brother, taking up for Justin.

Now:
The doctor said that she's too far along for a pill for abortion, and the surgery is not an option, really. They think it will permanently damage her because of her age and size (the girl is only 90 pounds). They said there's a 50% chance she will have a miscarriage. My aunt wants her to have the baby to realize the consequences for her actions, though they really can't afford the child. She is making Amanda go get a job as soon as she recovers from giving birth in order to help. Justin's mother insists that they sign a paper "giving up parental rights" so that Justin has nothing to do with the baby. Mind you, they weren't even married in the first place, so the signing over of parental rights will be laughed out of the court. Amanda's eating right, and taking vitamins, but refuses to stop wearing her tight jeans, which is pretty bad.

Today:
They just left about 15 minutes ago. This is the first time I've seen her since I heard about it. My mom tried to talk some sense into her, but she gave that typical fourteen year old smartass attitude and didn't answer, staring off into nothing, rolling her eyes. I mean, the look alone made me want to whack her. She cusses at her mother, calling her a fat bitch and the like, and calls her brother a fag whenever she gets the chance.

Wow, that was a lot. I guess what I'm trying to get out of this is an opinion, and a 'what would you do?' thing.
 
Adoption.

A life time of sad rememberences. (consequencces)

A better life for the child.

edit: oh, and charges brought against Justin. She's 14.
 
They think it will permanently damage her because of her age and size (the girl is only 90 pounds). They said there's a 50% chance she will have a miscarriage
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bullshit. I say find another doctor.
 
Leslie said:
bullshit. I say find another doctor.
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They can't afford to, unless they go to the other office. They're on an HMO, and there are only two offices nearby. If she goes somewhere else, she'd have to pay a lot more money that she doesn't have.

That's what I'm told anyway, I'm not too keen on HMO's.
 
unless there's somethin else...the 90 pounds thing making for 50/50 miscarriage (especially if she's 2 months along already) or disqualifying abortion is pure and utter bullshit.
 
FluerVanderloo said:
But so is he...I didn't think anything could be done about that.
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Try. Or would 7 or 8 or 20 abortions be preferable?
 
Gonz said:
Adoption.

A life time of sad rememberences. (consequencces)

A better life for the child.

edit: oh, and charges brought against Justin. She's 14.
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Depends,up here legal age of consent is 13,unless there is a large difference in age.
 
FluerVanderloo said:
They can't afford to, unless they go to the other office. They're on an HMO, and there are only two offices nearby. If she goes somewhere else, she'd have to pay a lot more money that she doesn't have.

That's what I'm told anyway, I'm not too keen on HMO's.
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aren't there just "abortion clinic"s down there? not a doctor's office but just the clinic for that?
 
Remember, as Holland does, tis better to kill off a problem than face a lifetime.
 
From what Dee was saying today, she wants Amanda to have it, so she'll knon how it feels. As far as the doctor, I'm not sure, but Leslie does make sense. Legal age of consent is 16 here, I'm pretty sure. Can anything be done to Justin's mother because she allowed it to go on in her house?
 
And exactly what good would bringing charges against Justin do?

If she's for the abortion, shop around. I'm sure there is a doctor that would do it. 14 is too young to be having a baby, especially just to "prove a point." There is the adoption thing, but it kinda sounds like her mother is looking forward to this a little too much for me. Consequences are one thing but the girl is 14, not 18. She wouldn't just be hurting her daughter by forcing the issue but her grandchild as well.

Sidenote, the part about signing away parental rights is bullshit. If she keeps this kid they best not sign away anything. But even then, like you said they aren't married, nor old enough to enter a legal contract so it's not like it would be very binding should someone challenge it.
 
FluerVanderloo said:
From what Dee was saying today, she wants Amanda to have it, so she'll knon how it feels. As far as the doctor, I'm not sure, but Leslie does make sense. Legal age of consent is 16 here, I'm pretty sure. Can anything be done to Justin's mother because she allowed it to go on in her house?
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If legal age there is 16 ,then yeah,she could definitely be charged with something.The only problem I see with charging the father is that will more than likely mean he will remove himself from the babies upbringing {not that he won't anyway,sounds like a creep)
 
100% agree with leslie. That is bullshit. Age is immaterial for undertaking an abortion. Once you start having periods, your body is "mature". As for the miscarriage issue again, that's complete crap. It sounds like your cousin hasn't faced up to the reality of being pregnant yet. It'll probably take some time to set in. Time which she doesn't really have. If she is to have an abortion, she needs to have it before the 12 week mark, so that really only gives her another 4 weeks to decide. I think it would also help if she talked to someone closer to her age, rather than her mom, or yours. You should try and talk to her, and just listen to what she has to say - make suggestions if she asks for them. She's probably really scared right now, and doesn't need lecturing from her/your mom. Listen to her, it's probably all you can do right now.
 
Luis G said:
So is he and he can present charges against her as well :shrug:
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Yep.

Why charge the boy? He'll do this repeatedly if he's not forced to face consequences. She has to miscarry, abort, adopt, keep. He has to do nothing.
 
Gonz said:
Yep.

Why charge the boy? He'll do this repeatedly if he's not forced to face consequences. She has to miscarry, abort, adopt, keep. He has to do nothing.
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Aren't there laws to protect the women?, over here the father would have to give money to the boy wether he decide to be with the mother or not. It sucks most of the time but it helps on cases like this one.
 
dude...why do you keep labeling the boy as some repeat offender? have we heard about how he feels about the baby? why are we jumping to conclusions? he fucked up (if you'll excuse the pun) the same as her.
 
All I know about how he feels is this: Dee talked to him on the phone the other day about all of it, and he told her "I'm not worried about it, because I won't be with her forever." Of course, she's not going to tell me if there was any good coming from him, though.
 
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