Are you talking trust as well? When you are constantly shit on in relationships one finds trust hard to give.
aye...
Do we need to just gradually add parts of ourself into a relationship and keep monitoring how much chemistry there is, or is that a waste of time, and should we just pour out our feelings 'willy nilly' and take pot luck that it will be the right blend
hmmm, tricky... and i'm far to inexperienced as far as relationships go to know for sure if and what the 'right blend' might be... But I am fairly intuitive and learn a lot from what I observe around me, so heres my theory:
In an "ideal" situation (
god knows there is no such thing) there are those of us who would like to believe that by being able to a) just gradually add parts of ourself into a relationship and keep monitoring how much chemistry there is, in the hope that things will work, our relationships will be as perfect and as stable as a successfully carried out experiment where the 'hypothesis' and 'method' is reliable and correct.
In an "ideal" situation (
god knows there is no such thing) there are also those who would like to believe that by pouring out our feelings (willy nilly - hehe
) we are being open and doing the right thing, and that by jumping head over feet into the abyss of emotional upheaval and perhaps embarrasing confessions and revelations of caught-up-in-the-moment-ness, things will be better and you will be closer for saying whatever you wanted to say.
I don't think there is a definate aim when two different people get together, and so the consequences are hard and impossible to predict, as are the ways in which you handle it. There are lots of things that we 'want' to say is the best way to go about it but I don't think there ever really is. You have to aproach each situation with care and sometimes you have no way of actually considering the way that you respond.Because in a relationship, theres no knowing what exactly the reaction between you and the person might be, the control you have of it, and your ability to be able to know exactly what to be doing because although its at the back of your mind you just casually go with the flow hoping that it will work out.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is a '
right' way as far as emotions are concerned and if there was, I think naturally it would exist somewhere in between the two different ideas you mentioned, with a blend of each to be used in a way that is most appropriate within the circumstances.
But even that is difficult see, because, sometimes your idea of 'monitoring' might be interpreted by the other as 'holding back', but sometimes if you just 'let go' the person won't listen, or really understand what you mean or not be ready to respond to it or even worse, be thinking "why did he/she just say that?)
I guess thats just the glory of building relationships. Confusion, misunderstanding and uncertainty; but I suppose the outcome of the right blend is definately worth the experience, you just have to go through all these uncertainties to get there, huh.
I guess, at the end of the day you're safe if you just don't do anything that doesn't feel natural - but then be careful about exactly what you allow yourself to let out, because from experience ,I know that some things can get you in trouble...
