Wah, wah, wah?
- Thread starter Gato_Solo
- Start date
Gato_Solo
Out-freaking-standing OTC member
What surprises, and bothers me, in one of prof's sources is the Army Sergeant who had the inert mine in his checked baggage? What was he...stupid? That's the kind of thing you have clearly marked, and drop in the US mail/UPS/FedEX box. They should've posted his name, too, to add insult to his injury...What a maroon...
SouthernN'Proud
Southern Discomfort
I don't reckon there are any stats as to what percentage of these confiscated items were stashed between a nice pair of hooters, huh? 
Gato_Solo
Out-freaking-standing OTC member
Most people wish to fly on the old gauges at one time or another but are prevented by the high cost of the instruments necessary for this form of flight. The following is a more or less known and extremely simple method which may be used by all.
Place a live cat on the cockpit floor, because a cat always remains upright, he or she can be used in lieu of a needle and ball instrument. Merely watch to see which way he leans to determine if a wing is low and if so, which one. This will enable you to your aircraft level in route with complete accuracy and confidence.
A duck is used for final instrument approach and landing, because of the fact that any sensible old duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the cockpit window and follow her to the ground.
There are some limitations on the cat and duck method, but by rigidly adhering to the following check list a degree of success will be achieved which will not only startle you, but will astonish your passengers as well, and may have an occasional tower operator with an open mouth.
** Get a wide-awake cat, most cats do not want to stand up all the time, so it may be necessary to carry a fierce dog along to keep the cat at attention.
** Make sure your cat is clean, dirty cats will spend all the time washing. Trying to follow a washing cat usually results in a slow roll followed by an inverted spin. You will see that this is most unprofessional.
** Old cats are the best, young cats have nine lives, but an old used up cat with only one life left has just as much to loose and will be more dependable.
** Avoid stray cats. Try to get one with good character because you may want to spend time with her.
** Beware of cowardly ducks, if the duck discovers that you are using the cat to stay upright, she will refuse to leave the aeroplane without the cat. Ducks are no better on instruments than you are.
** Get a duck with good eyes. Near sighted ducks sometimes fail to recognise that they are on the old gauges and will go flogging into the nearest hill. Very near sighted ducks will not realise that they have been thrown out and will descend to the ground in a sitting position. This is a most difficult manoeuvre to follow in an airplane.
** Choose your duck carefully, it is easy to confuse ducks with geese. Many large birds look alike. While they are very competent instrument flyers, geese seldom want to go in the same direction that you do. If your duck seems to be taking a heading to Ireland or Sweden, you may be safe in assuming that someone has given you a goose.
Place a live cat on the cockpit floor, because a cat always remains upright, he or she can be used in lieu of a needle and ball instrument. Merely watch to see which way he leans to determine if a wing is low and if so, which one. This will enable you to your aircraft level in route with complete accuracy and confidence.
A duck is used for final instrument approach and landing, because of the fact that any sensible old duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the cockpit window and follow her to the ground.
There are some limitations on the cat and duck method, but by rigidly adhering to the following check list a degree of success will be achieved which will not only startle you, but will astonish your passengers as well, and may have an occasional tower operator with an open mouth.
** Get a wide-awake cat, most cats do not want to stand up all the time, so it may be necessary to carry a fierce dog along to keep the cat at attention.
** Make sure your cat is clean, dirty cats will spend all the time washing. Trying to follow a washing cat usually results in a slow roll followed by an inverted spin. You will see that this is most unprofessional.
** Old cats are the best, young cats have nine lives, but an old used up cat with only one life left has just as much to loose and will be more dependable.
** Avoid stray cats. Try to get one with good character because you may want to spend time with her.
** Beware of cowardly ducks, if the duck discovers that you are using the cat to stay upright, she will refuse to leave the aeroplane without the cat. Ducks are no better on instruments than you are.
** Get a duck with good eyes. Near sighted ducks sometimes fail to recognise that they are on the old gauges and will go flogging into the nearest hill. Very near sighted ducks will not realise that they have been thrown out and will descend to the ground in a sitting position. This is a most difficult manoeuvre to follow in an airplane.
** Choose your duck carefully, it is easy to confuse ducks with geese. Many large birds look alike. While they are very competent instrument flyers, geese seldom want to go in the same direction that you do. If your duck seems to be taking a heading to Ireland or Sweden, you may be safe in assuming that someone has given you a goose.
Winky
Well-Known Member
Oh sure I'm not opposed to some slug that couldn't get a job at the convenience mart copping a feel offa me Wife. That gurl looks every bit the stereotypical male middle-eastern terrorist. My neighbor is a TSA inspector Dood. He sez anyone could blow up an airliner any day of the week. Yep the only reason the TSA was created was to remove liability from the airline industry and shift it to the taxpayer.
Squish them titties boys, cop a feel for me.
Squish them titties boys, cop a feel for me.
Gato_Solo
Out-freaking-standing OTC member
BTW...some men get 'package checked' at the airports, too. Tips to avoid this are...
1. Put your belt through the X-ray machine. The buckle will set off the metal detector from time-to-time. Same for cigarette packs, and chewing gum (foil in the pack).
2. Place all metallic objects in your pockets in the little trays they give you. Include cell-phones and cigarette lighters.
3. If you have any artificial joints, to include metal plates anywhere inside your body, be sure to let the screener know before you go through the metal detector.
1. Put your belt through the X-ray machine. The buckle will set off the metal detector from time-to-time. Same for cigarette packs, and chewing gum (foil in the pack).
2. Place all metallic objects in your pockets in the little trays they give you. Include cell-phones and cigarette lighters.
3. If you have any artificial joints, to include metal plates anywhere inside your body, be sure to let the screener know before you go through the metal detector.
A.B.Normal
New Member
Well ,since boxcutters were allowed prior to 9/11 a patdown wouldn't have made a difference .The patdowns are only performed on female passengers if a female employee is available ,otherwise its performed by whoever is available.SouthernN'Proud said:
A.B.Normal
New Member
Gato_Solo said:BTW...some men get 'package checked' at the airports, too. Tips to avoid this are...
1. Put your belt through the X-ray machine. The buckle will set off the metal detector from time-to-time. Same for cigarette packs, and chewing gum (foil in the pack).
2. Place all metallic objects in your pockets in the little trays they give you. Include cell-phones and cigarette lighters.
3. If you have any artificial joints, to include metal plates anywhere inside your body, be sure to let the screener know before you go through the metal detector.
Wouldn't they still need to search your package for Plastic explosives?
Gato_Solo
Out-freaking-standing OTC member
A.B.Normal said:
Only if you have SSSS on your boarding pass...
BTW...What you said about being searched by members of the opposite sex is wrong. Regulations state same gender. If a person fitting that description is not available, then the search is not conducted until such a person arrives, or the passenger permits the search. If the passenger allows a search from someone of the opposite gender, then at least 2 witnesses must be present. If permission is not given, then the passenger must wait until someone becomes available.
A.B.Normal
New Member
http://www.tsa.gov/public/display?theme=40&content=09000519800ce037
They've said the extraordinary circumstance could be something such as there is no female employees available.Which if there are alot of women being screened ,then there won't be the female employees to screen them and I'm pretty sure they won't just let them go or hold up the flight.
Gato_Solo
Out-freaking-standing OTC member
A.B.Normal said:
Nope. If they volunteer to let a person of the opposite gender do the pat down, all is good. If they don't then they'll have to be booked on a later flight. Those are the only options. They can't just waltz onboard without the search, and if they did, then we open up the door for the random female terrorist to enter unsearched. Would they (the complainers) prefer that? If not, then shut your yap, and get the pat-down.
BTW...if no women employees were available, wouldn't this thread be reading differently? Possibly about how women aren't being hired...
Gato_Solo
Out-freaking-standing OTC member
Thanks, ladies. I fell much safer, now.
Question...how can you tell if a woman is carrying explosives between her breasts if you can't search there?
Question...how can you tell if a woman is carrying explosives between her breasts if you can't search there?
chcr
Too cute for words
Gato_Solo said:Thanks, ladies. I fell much safer, now.
Question...how can you tell if a woman is carrying explosives between her breasts if you can't search there?
Well, just search the big ones.
Gato_Solo
Out-freaking-standing OTC member
Seems to me that, when somebody causes a ruckus like this, and forces a change in government policy, all names associated with the lawsuit should be published, or distributed to local law enforcement. The first time a plane is attacked by a woman wearing a plastique bra, those names go into the 'aiding and abetting' catagory.