When someone says *Sorry*(inspired from another thread)

Leslie said:
They know what we wanna hear. Asking them what was wrong about what they did is crap after the age of 4.
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If they are smart enough to know what you wanna hear, then why wouldn't they be smart enough to understand and tell you why it's wrong to do what they did?

Leslie said:
And sometimes sorry just don't cut it. We expect actions not words.
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There's nothing wrong with that, either. Atleast you are not calling them a liar when you do that.
 
They certainly are smart enough. And they understand full well, and far more than I ever thought. They are telling me exactly why I think it's wrong, so the discussion can be over, and they can go on with their lives after a brief interruption by way of punishment. It's crap because after 4 they already know. The rest is just games.

You've mistaken what I posted. When I'm lied to, I certainly call them on it.
 
When my kids lie, I call them on it, as well. But I don't call them *a liar*, is what am saying.
 
I honestly have no idea what you're saying.

Parents should just blatantly accept an obviously false apology why? When they tell a lie, we shouldn't tell them it's a lie? Because calling them on a statement somehow is pinning a broad personality trait onto them? Because the word sorry is somehow magical and is exempt from being a falsehood?
 
I am not saying that parents should blatantly accept an obviously false apology at all. I don't see where I said that any where?

I am saying that telling a child they are not sorry is wrong, in my opinion. There are, in my opinion, better ways to handle a situation.
 
Spirit said:
When my kids lie, I call them on it, as well. But I don't call them *a liar*, is what am saying.
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I do, cause that is what they are, when they lie.

You lie, your a lier, simple.

When one borrows my boots for a costume, and is told NOT to wear them until in costume, and you cathi him running in the schoolyard with it, and he apologizes, great, strike one, it happens, wanted to look cool.

The next week when he takes my sunglasses and gets caught, sorry doesn't cut it, he already showed disrespect for my property once, and was told the proper way of things, second time it is blatant.

I don't see the point of not calling kids on their shit, showing them we KNOW they are trying to bullshit us, to do it any other way raises little whiny spoiled brats who have no idea about personal responsibility (you shared your opinion, now I shared mine).

I'm sorry is NOT a get out of jail free card, it is an acceptance that a lesson has been learnt, and that they realize they where wrong.

Dropping a cup by mistake gets a "I'm sorry" with the response, "it's ok, it was an accident, nothing to be sorry about"

Doing something bad for the 6th time and then an "I'm sorry" gets "you are NOT sorry, if you where, you would not have done it in the first place" in that case the only thing they are sorry about is getting caught.
 
Well. I try parenting techniques out for awhile. When they don't work I move on.

The one you're suggesting didn't work for my kids. I moved on. Now I call them on their shit.
 
Sorry doesn’t cut it period.

I don't wanna hear about Sorry.

mebbe how (why) it was wrong
how it won't happen again

but being sorry doesn't change a thing

it is tantamount to making an excuse

which I strictly forbade

If you want the kid to feel bad because you feel bad
you are introducing a mild form of mental illness.

Making excuses is a close cousin too lying

and attempting to escape consequences

besides I never tied my love to whether or not
my kid behaved badly or not

I expressed my hurt because all I ever
wanted for you Son (is) was good things and doing
(insert miscreant behavior here ) will not lead to good things.

Yadda yadda yadda
 
paul_valaru said:
I do, cause that is what they are, when they lie.
You lie, your a lier, simple.
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If they do something that is stupid, do you call them stupid, also?
 
Ya know the cliché

“love means never having to say your sorry”

has more to it than some readily recognize
 
No, we surely tell them that wat they did was stupid, though, if it merits it. You lied/You did a stupid thing does NOT equal You are a liar, You are stupid.
 
Leslie said:
Well. I try parenting techniques out for awhile. When they don't work I move on.

The one you're suggesting didn't work for my kids. I moved on. Now I call them on their shit.
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You have always seemed like a good parent to me, Leslie. Calling them on their shit is fine. I guess I am just touchy about how some parents talk to their kids.
 
I've found like Leslie that most of the time the kids aren't really sorry for their actions, they're simply sorry they got caught. When they lie, I tell them that people don't like liars. When they steal, I tell them people don't like thieves. It's teaching them life. You think their boss is going to pussyfoot around calling them a liar or a theif when they get out in the real world? Nope. I'd like them to realize what real life is like.
 
Leslie said:
No, we surely tell them that wat they did was stupid, though, if it merits it. You lied/You did a stupid thing does NOT equal You are a liar, You are stupid.
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Agree 100%.
 
Spirit said:
You have always seemed like a good parent to me, Leslie. Calling them on their shit is fine. I guess I am just touchy about how some parents talk to their kids.
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It's called treating them like they are humans, not little puppies. That and immediate discipline works great.

and no, not violence, a simple go to your room works for a time out.

goes like this

Go to your room till you are ready to (stop whatever it was you where doing)

comes out starts yelling whining, making excuses, back to the room right away.
 
paul_valaru said:
It's called treating them like they are humans, not little puppies. That and immediate discipline works great.

and no, not violence, a simple go to your room works for a time out.

goes like this

Go to your room till you are ready to (stop whatever it was you where doing)

comes out starts yelling whining, making excuses, back to the room right away.
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That sounds exactly like my current relationship with my 10 yr old.
 
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