Adoption? To tell or not to tell???

[Mare]

Yes, i agree. It is up to the willing mother to choose whether she leaves open the possibility for her child to confront her in the future. Many don't, but many do. Mothers who leave their kids in the trash bins or on subways deserve to have that option taken away from them.

I have to agree with ya there and the parents that abuse their kids-UGHHHHHHH - electricchair i think.

I mean come on-its only a few short years that children want a parents attention-then your running after them for a bit of attention/

 

[IDLEchild]

I mean come on-its only a few short years that children want a parents attention-then your running after them for a bit of attention/

Ahh don't confuse autonomy with acceptence. Kids tend to strive for independence as they become accustomed to the real world. They strive for autonomy to express their idea because they feel they have figured out the world...but kids always, ALWAYS, strive for acceptance by their parents, for their parents to be proud of them. No matter how rebellious the youth the child always has that hope inside that my mom or dad doesn't think i am a loser. It wanes away post pre teen years but in many it still stays strong even after that time.

Nothing kills a kid more than the fact that his/her parents think he/she is a loser who will never amount to anything.

 

[Mare]

True-a parent should NEVER tell a child he is a loser or a failure-ALWAYS praise them, I do agree. I was just pointing out how as the child gets older with their independence, more less meaning after their grown up an starting on their own-you tend to run for a bit of attention from them - where when they are younger they look for you for the attention.

PS-Did I mention Ur such a sweetie!!!

 

[tonksy]

i think the thing that parents forget is that they are not raisning little thems, they are raising little individuals. my children have their own interests and senses of humor and personalities. i try to pay attention to the things that they like and that way i can foster that growth in them. they are their own people and a good parent recognizes this and helps it to develope. everybody is good at something, you just got to explore what. as long as a child can grow in their own likes and interests, they should be a wellrounded happy child.

 

[Mare]

i think the thing that parents forget is that they are not raisning little thems, they are raising little individuals. my children have their own interests and senses of humor and personalities. i try to pay attention to the things that they like and that way i can foster that growth in them. they are their own people and a good parent recognizes this and helps it to develope. everybody is good at something, you just got to explore what. as long as a child can grow in their own likes and interests, they should be a wellrounded happy child.

Hit it right on the button there Tonks!!!

 

[freako104]

i think the thing that parents forget is that they are not raisning little thems, they are raising little individuals. my children have their own interests and senses of humor and personalities. i try to pay attention to the things that they like and that way i can foster that growth in them. they are their own people and a good parent recognizes this and helps it to develope. everybody is good at something, you just got to explore what. as long as a child can grow in their own likes and interests, they should be a wellrounded happy child.

your a fnatastic mother then your kids will become wonderful adults

 

[IDLEchild]

i think the thing that parents forget is that they are not raisning little thems, they are raising little individuals. my children have their own interests and senses of humor and personalities. i try to pay attention to the things that they like and that way i can foster that growth in them. they are their own people and a good parent recognizes this and helps it to develope. everybody is good at something, you just got to explore what. as long as a child can grow in their own likes and interests, they should be a wellrounded happy child.

True, but it does get tricky to weed out personal strengths in your kids and their inane fantasies. There is a line at where a parent must step in and say no.

 

[Mare]

your a fnatastic mother then your kids will become wonderful adults

DITTO there Freako!!!!!

 

[tonksy]

True, but it does get tricky to weed out personal strengths in your kids and their inane fantasies. There is a line at where a parent must step in and say no.

yeah, but you have to be careful. i'm sure, for example, that elvis's parents wanted him to shut up and get a real job. you have to believe in your kids, too.

 

[IDLEchild]

you have to believe in your kids, too.

That is the tricky part. Realizing your kids potential is amazing but some parents squander money away on their kids when the kids are nothing more then indecisive and playful. It's hard for some parents to accept that their kids just aren't the shining star or the brightest crayon in the box, sadly enough some parents refuse to let their kids grow in to their character and achieve their full potential.

 

[Rose]

slitghtly off topic, yet ... not.

Johnny Cash's father told him music would take him no where. He needed to be a good, strong worker and quit listening to 'that nonsense' on the radio and dreaming of doing something with it.

Fortunately, his mom encouraged him - seeing the true passion inside Johnny that burned for music.

Both his parents had his best interests in mind and heart when doling their advice.

 

[IDLEchild]

Now imagine if such involved a dopted child who knew he/she was adopted. It's gets even trickier.

 

[Silver lady]

As someone who was adopted by my father and natural mother I can honestly say it was good to know from an early age! And I am now in the process of trying to trace my real biological father, as I have heard alsorts of stories and am curious to see just what the truth is! But it certainly didn't hurt knowing. And I am just as close to my half sister as I would be if she were whole so to speak. but it depends on the child I suppose.
also it is best to tell them they have been chosen as this is often a real boost to their ego!

 

[Luis G]

Surprinsingly, I agree with Gonz about leaving alone the biological parents

IMO, the kids should not know unless it is necessary or until they are full grown adults.

 

[IDLEchild]

IMO, the kids should not know unless it is necessary

What constitutes neccessity then?

 

[Luis G]

As in "there's no other way" but to tell him/her.

 

[IDLEchild]

As in "there's no other way" but to tell him/her.

That was well understood but i asked what calamity could cause such a neccessity?

 

[tonksy]

That was well understood but i asked what calamity could cause such a neccessity?

maybe for medical reasons?

 

[Oz]

maybe for medical reasons?

be my first guess......that and being left in a will by a [blood] family member etc.

A coupla years ago I saw the whole contact with an adopted kid from the other side of the situation.

A girl I lived with had a kid when she was younger and gave the child up for adoption shortly after the kid was born. The adoptee's (parents) of the child told the kid she was adotped whe she was 8 yrs old. The kid, understandably wanted contact with her natural mother so my then girlfriend was offered the option of "Letterbox" contact (basically entailed exchanging letters, photo's, birthday cards etc and the option to visit the child regularly).

This opened up a whole new kettle of shishkebab for the natural mother of the kid........after 8 years of being an unknown in the kids life........do yer suddenly reveal yourself and become a part of her life?

It took a lot of soul searching and not a little heartbreak to come to a decision......

Obviously I'm not gonna tell what decision was made......I don't wanna drag personal experiences we went through into the discussion

 

[Mirlyn]

maybe for medical reasons?

I'd think it'd be quite a double whammy to drop the bomb in times of a serious medical event. Imagine getting told you've got cancer of some hereditary form and then told you were adopted...that'd be rough.