An OTC Tragedy ...

[Psycho]

Now that most of the things are worked out again, I feel relieved... it's time return to normal life...







I have just one more question...




...nalani, how was I?

 

[Nixy]

*dramatic music*

Ku'u! My long lost neice! I didn't mean to abandon you! It was just easier that way! Shadow was never suppose to find out who he was REALLY married to! Won't you PLEASE oh PLEASE forgive me? *falls to her knees beggin gfor forgiveness*

 

[kuulani]

*dramatic-filled pause*

Mom, it would never have worked out with you and Bunny ... his heart belonged to Energizer. Could you blame him? The sexy beat of the drum would attract anyone ...

 

[nalani]

*looking up at Psycho, glycerin produced tears in my eyes*

no, Psycho , you are not her father .. though you are the most dynamic lover I have ever had ... ever ... even though you can't go on for hours like LL ... PuterTutor is her father .. but the father of her miraculous twin brother is ... it's YOU!

*sob**bawl*

 

[Shadowfax]

It...it was YOU?! OMG! I feel so....so....confused!

All these years, the love I felt...I knew it couldn't be fake...that only happens in soap opera's

But how can I explain to Nalani, whom I thought was my wife?
It is YOU I want to be with, not her. But she'll weep! She'll weep so hard it will cause floodings!
And Hawaiï is already too wet! I cannot let that happen!


Tell me what to do, because I cannot think clearly anymore!

 

[kuulani]

Oh Aunt Nixy ... you can't imagine what this means to me ... finally, a maternal figure I can turn to ... Mom was always off, chasing Psycho and Bunny ... I was left alone.

Could you blame me for seeking comfort with the houseboy, my half-brother?

 

[Nixy]

Run away with me! We'll travel the world designing usefull things for people on our way! We'll have dramatic and explosive sex on the beach everynight! I'll run around in a teeny tiny g-string bikini and you can wear shorts and thong sandals all the time!

 

[kuulani]

But who is my twin that I seek? What is his name?

 

[nalani]

*looks at Nixy with disbelief*

I always knew you loved him ... *sob*

*faints, my hair always perfect ... *

*is rushed to the hospital with a rare form of soapperaitis because no story would be complete without the hospital scene*

 

[Nixy]

Ku'u! The houseboy is not your halfbrother! remember! Shadow is not your father so he is not your half brother! the house boy is MY son! He is your cousin! That is legal in some parts of the world though!

 

[kuulani]

You want me to run away with you, Aunt Nixy ... but I can't, I'm engaged to ... *pause*

 

[Psycho]

But Shadowfax, how could you have run away like that, leaving your goat without care?

 

[kuulani]

But, but ...

oh the horror!! who am i related to and who can i sleep with?

 

[Nixy]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I want my lover Shadow to run away with me!

You will be sent to boarding school and in 2 real years come back to be 10 years older!

 

[kuulani]

*2 years elapses*

*the new beautiful me, with bigger breasts and longer legs, come strolling in*

Father, mother, aunt, houseboy ... It is I, the long-neglected girl you once abandoned ...

 

[Shadowfax]

But, but ...

oh the horror!! who am i related to and who can i sleep with?

You're not really related to anybody....and you can't sleep with anyone unless you're married...according to LL

 

[nalani]

*whilst conveniently unconscious in the hospital, unable to tell ku'u the name of her twin brother, I dream of Psycho ... dreaming that he is in bed with Leslie .... my hair, of course perfectly resting on the pillow shines in the light of the many monitors I'm plugged in to*

 

[kuulani]

I'm not related to anyone? *rubbing hands mysterioulsy*

Psycho, forget nalani, I'm the one you really need. We can jet off to Spain and have the romance of a lifetime ...

 

[Nixy]

*romps around on the deserted island in a g-string bikini*

 

[Psycho]

*jumps in a plane with ku'u, never to be seen again*