How to Shower

Leslie

Leslie

Communistrator
Staff member
:lol:

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on bed.
 
chcr

chcr

Too cute for words
Do women really feel the need to cover exposed areas?
Click to expand...
Another women's secret (so I'm told). They hide their underwear when they disrobe at the doctor's office.

BTW, I prefer "Honey, could you come over here a minute" to "woo-woo." (Bet you could guess my wife is not watching me write this, huh?)

*peepwall*
 
alex

alex

Well-Known Member
Oil Change instructions for Women vs instructions for Men

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $ 1.00 Total $21.00.

------------------
Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December1992.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $25.00 Total-- $4150.00
-- But you know the job was done right!
 
nalani

nalani

Well-Known Member
chcr said:
Another women's secret (so I'm told). They hide their underwear when they disrobe at the doctor's office.
Click to expand...


:D ... yep - we do when we're at the GYN ... we wrap it up in our pants

and who told you the secret???? that's a doube X chrom-only secret! :eyebrow:
 
nalani

nalani

Well-Known Member
:D @ Pad - hey ... I sorta fall in the middle there ... drop the car off at the dealer for maintenance, go get beer, pick up car, pick up more beer

:D
 
BlurOfSerenity

BlurOfSerenity

New Member
this isnt really humorous, but im bored, so im going to tell you all how i shower.

how ash takes a shower :

1. take off clothes and throw them on bathroom floor.
2. remove jewelry
3. brush hair
4. admire curvy, voluptuous figure in mirror.
5. remove bathrobe from hook on back of door, drape over toilet seat.
6. step into shower.
7. turn on water.
8. stand and relax under the water for a few minutes.
9. shampoo hair.
10. shampoo hair again.
11. condition hair
12. pull hair back in big claw-clip.
13. wash arms and legs and stomach and back with body wash
14. wash all remaining areas with soap.
15. *wont mention this step*
16. do not shave.
17. take hair out of claw-clip.
18. rinse hair
19. rinse body again.
20. step out of shower and into bathrobe.
21. lounge about until dry

:headbang:
 
chcr

chcr

Too cute for words
and who told you the secret????
Click to expand...
Actually, I don't remember her name. It was a young woman at a comedy club that mentioned that in her act. Since then I have asked a number of women and had it frequently confirmed. On a good day, a guy might fold his so the skid mark doesn't show.:anon:

Oh, and pad? When were you watching me change oil? the only thing you got wrong was that I always wait to sober up before the test drive.
 
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