When someone says *Sorry*(inspired from another thread)

[Spirit]

paul_valaru says : ...Like I say to the kids when they apologize. If you where sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place..

Please tell me you don't shoot down a childs apology like that? I mean.. if the child DIDN'T apologize, then what would you say?

Children, as well as adults, are impulsive creatures. As we grow older, we learn to curb those impulsivities (is that even a word?) somewhat. Unless a person has a dark heart, then of course they don't MEAN to hurt someone else when they say or do something hurtful. If they DO mean to hurt them, then perhaps they were hurt and out of the need to protect themselves or stand up for themselves, they hurt back.

There are different types of *Sorry*. It depends on how it's said. BUt never, ever diminish the power of *Sorry*.

That just makes me sad to think of a child who says sorry and then an adult saying *No you aren't*. Never in MY life time would I let any man say that to my kids.

When is sorry unacceptable?

 

[Leslie]

When they say it so they can go do it again/entirely unsincerely/cause its' what we wanna hear is when it's unacceptable.

 

[Spirit]

I still think there are better ways to handle an apology than, *No you aren't*. You are essentially calling your child a liar.

 

[Inkara1]

Oh boy! Parents arguing over how to raise kids! This is ALWAYS fun!

 

[AllEars']

Well.. ummm

Do you have kids?

Did you ever tell your mom or dad sorry to get what you wanted?

 

[SouthernN'Proud]

When is sorry unacceptable?

As Leslie said, when it is uttered only so the person can do it again.

When it's been said before for the same thing, and the behavior didn't change after the apology.

Most times, when it is followed by the word "but".

 

[AllEars']

Oh boy! Parents arguing over how to raise kids! This is ALWAYS fun!

I will not argue. I will raise mine as I see fit, you raise yours as you see fit. Until I support yours or you support mine neither has a right to tell either how to do it.

 

[Leslie]

I still think there are better ways to handle an apology than, *No you aren't*. You are essentially calling your child a liar.

When they are lying, they are.

 

[browneyedMAC]

I still think there are better ways to handle an apology than, *No you aren't*. You are essentially calling your child a liar.

i think a parent knows their child....can read when they're sincere, and when they're just using it to get their way or get outta something....and with that comes the knowledge of how to handle that situation...

that's what i think anyways....but i don't have kids...so that's just my analytical, bachelor's degree in psychology stand point....

 

[Luis G]

Most times, when it is followed by the word "but".

That sounds a lot like most of my ex'es

 

[Inkara1]

Your exes are followed by "but"?

 

[Leslie]

I'd hope it's not on their foreheads.

 

[Spirit]

I'm saying it's not what I would do. I would never negate anything my child says.

I know that kids will apologize just to get out of the lecture. I have 4 kids. I know the difference between *sorRYYYY* and *sorry*.

I always ask... *Why are you sorry?* *are you going to do it again?* BUt I will not call them a liar.

 

[Spirit]

When my kids lie, I don't call them a liar. If they do something stupid, I don't call them stupid.

 

[AllEars']

I promise I won't do it anymore.

I think questioning them when they say sorry is just like calling them a liar. If you beleive them then why question it?

Our daughter has been told don't tell us you are sorry show us by your actions they speak louder than words.

 

[Spirit]

......
I think questioning them when they say sorry is just like calling them a liar. If you beleive them then why question it?

I do it because I want them to tell me why they are sorry - if they really don't realize what it is they did, and just said Sorry to get out of a lecture, then we address that.

Our daughter has been told don't tell us you are sorry show us by your actions they speak louder than words.

That's AWESOME!! I'm going to remember that one.

 

[Leslie]

Avery was desperately sorry a couple weeks ago over colouring on his walls. He's always desperately sorry when caught swearing. He said he knows that's what all the paper and giant schoolteacher notepads and chalkboards are for - colouring. He even washed his walls in apology a couple weeks ago without my asking. Scrubbed every inch he could reach. Oh. But wait! Was it in apology or to escape losing the beloved markers?

I was sure he was sorry. I was sure he understood the cost of paint and the workload that ensues after vandalizing a wall. No way would my baby colour on his wall again. awdawiddletearyeyed "I'm sowwy mommy".

I was sure till last week we found that he'd written fuck on the baseboard in there in Sharpie.

They know what we wanna hear. Asking them what was wrong about what they did is crap after the age of 4. And sometimes sorry just don't cut it. We expect actions not words.

 

[AllEars']

May I suggest magic eraser, that thing is wonderful.

 

[Leslie]

I use magic eraser and/or WD40...they get a bucket and a washcloth

Magic Eraser rocks!!

 

[Leslie]

My 12 year old is sorry every time he gets caught on the internet at 4am. He knows the bajillion reasons why it is wrong, he tells me every time.

He is so sorry that he goes and gets the old modem I have in a box in the attic so that when I take the one we use up to bed, and put it under the mattress, he can still get up at 4am and browse unsupervised.

So how sorry is he? At this point, in these two situations, sorry is bullshit. On the older one's part, it's a boldfaced lie. He's sorry he got caught, and that's all. He's been informed lately that I take it "sorry" for this as an insult to my intelligence. NOW it's stopping.