A Mistake is a mistake is a mistake is a mistake is a...

IDLEchild

IDLEchild

Well-Known Member
Ok so another conversation ensuses where i am labeled a heartless oaf because i see something my way on a subject.

Scenario: A man and a woman have a child unplanned and bascially it is unwanted at that point in their lives. The child is brought up with good care and thought: well fed, well clothed, sheltered, educated and such yet along the point the child is made to realize that it's birth killed the potential of it's parents. The father had dreams and aspirations to be something better yet had to put them on indefinite hold due the unforseen bith of his offspring, same as the mother.

My POV: The child should be made to realize that his/her birth brought on about the death of it's parents dreams, not to say it is the childs fault entirely, infact not at all but still the child should be told of this unfortunate happening so in the future the child can better understand it's freedom and all the oppertunities it gets to enjoy just because it chooses not to rush into things (and learns to buy expensive and more reliable condoms).

Conclusion: I am labeled a heartless douchebag because i am emotionally scarring the child. I truly believe my point was misunderstood due to bad verbal improvisation by me. i do not mean to inform the kid in a condescending and negative way but more of a wisdom teaching.

Any views you have on this?
 
you know what buttcrack? maybe the child should know these things...but a parent should never say them...this is a classic example of something you should learn on the streets...er, so to speak...
 
tonks said:
you know what buttcrack? maybe the child should know these things...but a parent should never say them...this is a classic example of something you should learn on the streets...er, so to speak...
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How would a child find out personal things about his family on the street........we're not talking about Jack or Kelly Osbourbe here.
 
My life ina a nutshell.

It's not my son's fault we chose him over abortion. It's not my son's faullt I/we didn't go farther before his birth. It's not my son's fault he was born.

It is our burden & responsibility. We made a choice. We can pass this lesson along, but it's still our baggage, not his.
 
i mean that it may be something the child picks up on their own or that someone else may say...kids talk about other people parents all the time...who knows? but a parent should never ever say the equivalent of "you ruined my life".
 
tonks said:
who knows? but a parent should never ever say the equivalent of "you ruined my life".
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See again....my point being mistaken......i never implied such. Gonz got it right in this....

We can pass this lesson along, but it's still our baggage, not his.
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Let the child know how hard life can get when something happens like that to him/her...relate to it through personal experience.
 
buttcrack, what you are suggesting requires a certain amount of tact...which in my experience, alot of people don't have...not to mention there is the question of maturity of the child. can they understand that it really isn't their fault? as in cases like divorce or the death of a parent, some children can't understand that it wasn't their fault or their doing. *shrugs*
 
are you a fan of Squee or something BCD? id say be forthright wiht the child but do let them know that they are loved and the parents are teh ones who made the mistake but they would never change anything and that they love their child
 
Buttcrackdivine said:
Scenario: A man and a woman have a child unplanned and bascially it is unwanted at that point in their lives.
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OK a man gets a woman pregnant. I'm with you so far.

... yet along the point the child is made to realize that it's birth killed the potential of it's parents.
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translation: the kid is blamed for it's parents inability to avoid getting pregnant.


The father had dreams and aspirations to be something better yet had to put them on indefinite hold due the unforseen bith of his offspring, same as the mother.
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No. Their dreams and aspirations were put on indefinite hold because neither of them had the selfcontrol to put said dreams and aspirations ahead of immediate gratification. Noone's ever gonna tell me that a woman past 16 doesn't know her cycle. There are only about 3 days that a woman can physically get pregnant. If you don't want kids, you avoid those days like the plague. They didn't. 'nough said.

But it's so much easier to blame the kid. After all, they couldn't possibly be at fault for their own actions, could they?
 
Prof said:
But it's so much easier to blame the kid. After all, they couldn't possibly be at fault for their own actions, could they?
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That's the actual point now, isn't it.
 
freako104 said:
are you a fan of Squee or something BCD? id say be forthright wiht the child but do let them know that they are loved and the parents are teh ones who made the mistake but they would never change anything and that they love their child
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Yes, that is the point.

What is squee?
 
Professur said:
No. Their dreams and aspirations were put on indefinite hold because neither of them had the selfcontrol to put said dreams and aspirations ahead of immediate gratification.
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That's BCD's point; to teach the child so they can learn from their parent's mistake. I don't agree, mainly because I don't think there's anything to gain from telling a child they were a "mistake". The child isn't going to respond to the lesson of it all, they're going to concentrate on the guilt aspect. How many times have you heard a parent say "I want them to learn from my mistakes" but that's not usually the way it goes. People learn life's lessons on their own, through their own mistakes. Take away the 'lesson learned' and it's just cruel to tell a child such a thing.

The parents should concentrate on raising a well balanced adjusted kid with values rather than telling them they were a mistake and calling it a day. There's more than one way to do it.
 
The senario reminds me of the movie Riding in Cars With Boys. Although Drew Barrymore, tells her son that it is his fault.
 
Buttcrackdivine said:
Yes, that is the point.

What is squee?
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squee is a comic done by Jhonen Vasquez and the parents are cruel enough to remind him he was an accident and tell him all the time how he ruined their life.
 
My mother had me when she was a teenager. She never made me feel unloved, never made me feel like I was a burden on her, never made any comments about how she wished she wouldn't have had me when she did.

I figured out at a pretty early age that things would have been different for my mother had she not had me so young. She didn't have to tell me, as was stated earlier, I learned this "on the streets". If my mother had told me this when I was a young child, I likely would have been very hateful towards my mother.

How do I know this? Well, I don't, but I do have a reference point: my girlfriend. She was also born to a teenage mother, however her mother let it be known that she was an accident and that she was a burden. My girlfriend restented her mother for a long long time.

rrfield
 
hmmm.... I guess I'm sorta guilty of this. I have told my children that I hope they go to college and make something of themselves before they start having children. Now, I haven't told them they were mistakes or that I didn't want them, but I guess if they thought about it, they would probably figure out that I didn't intend to have them when I did. I don't see it as screwing up as much as changing plans though, I wouldn't give them up for anything, nor am I pissed that I had them, it just changed the plans a little, that's all.
 
My son was a surprise. We hadn't planned on having him quite then. I'd jsut been fired from my job and was returning to school to try and jump-start my dream of becomming a Graphic Designer. I don't consider anything that brings me this much joy an accident, or even a mistake.

Now...I've had to delay my dream of starting my own company, but not indefinatly. I know that it'll take more time than I wanted, but that's dreaming for you.

Nothing is ever concrete. Mr.New Parent may have thought that he'd be a millionaire by age 40, or started his own company at age 30, or travelled to Cairo at 25 etc...all those are very nice and good, but they're not worth the paper they're written on.

Life happens...live with it.

To place the blame squarly on the child is utter bullshit. If you're trying to give your child a valuable lesson like "Keep your dick in your pants until you're ready to use it"...well, that's a different matter. There's nothing to say that you can't present your case without involving him/her in any way.

"A friend of mine at work and his girlfriend had a kid that they hadn't planned..."

Your kid will listen you you just as effectivly that way, and you won't burden them with the stress of being 'unwanted', 'unplanned', or 'an accident'. It's called tact...and it works.
 
Bish, I couldn't agree more, if I tried. Come to think of it - is a child EVER planned? Seems like people are never ready to have children... it just happens.
 
Professur said:
Noone's ever gonna tell me that a woman past 16 doesn't know her cycle. There are only about 3 days that a woman can physically get pregnant. If you don't want kids, you avoid those days like the plague.
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Not arguing this point, but I should mention here that when Brandi and I split up, she hadn't had a period in over 6 months, but she wasn't pregnant. I wonder how much her weight had to do with that, though.
 
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