Advice...

tell her about the trust thing mate. if she changed and she cares about you and you still care about her the same way id say think about it for a bit see if you really want to. good luck. now the fact she cheated if it was me itd never happen again. but again its you so wishing you luck mate
 
Wow, we've got some people that are very much against cheating, huh? I think a person can change, about 1 in 4 times.
 
freako104 said:
most people i know are mate.

Hmm. I don't know about that. Granted, most are against cheating, but there are a few here that wouldn't even consider giving a person a second chance. I personally think people can change, at least about 1 in 4 anyway. I think it's worth the shot.
 
Professur said:
Personally, I'll never understand forgiving in the first place.
I'm with Prof on this one. Vindictive, I suppose. I'll add it to my growing list of failings. Like he said though, some people can change, and if they can, they will again.
 
PuterTutor said:
Hmm. I don't know about that. Granted, most are against cheating, but there are a few here that wouldn't even consider giving a person a second chance. I personally think people can change, at least about 1 in 4 anyway. I think it's worth the shot




my reason for it is if they did it in the first place theyll do it again. i know that generalises and not everyone does it but they did it once. i dont deny people can change but some people bullshit the change and didnt change at all. 3 out of 4 dont. i envy you on the shot part tho. i wouldnt personally
 
Hey, Justin, I forgot my standard caveat re advice: It's usually free and occasionally worth the price.
 
PuterTutor said:
Wow, we've got some people that are very much against cheating, huh? I think a person can change, about 1 in 4 times.

In my experience, more like 1 in 40.
 
PuterTutor said:
Granted, most are against cheating, but there are a few here that wouldn't even consider giving a person a second chance.

In dating. it's less awful but it is a very good indicator of where you'll end up. In marriage, one strike & you're out.
 
PuterTutor said:
Granted, most are against cheating, but there are a few here that wouldn't even consider giving a person a second chance.


Do you really think they deserve one?
 
Interesting. Homey, you probably are closer in your numbers, I like to think people are better than that, but probably not. Myself, I'm completely against cheating as well, but there are some odd circumstances here. First, she confessed to it before he caught her, if I understand right, Second, it also sounds like it was a one time thing, not an affair of sorts. To me, that isn't as bad as either finding out yourself, or finding out they've been doing it for months or years.

I learned about cheating from my Step Dad. When I was 18, he decided a 22 y/o was what he wanted and took off. I had to stop my Mother from killing herself twice, and put her in the hospital once. She took him back six months later when the little girl decided she'd had enough of the old man. I begged my Mom not to do it, but she did anyway. It lasted about three more years before another 20 y/o came along. Haven't seen the guy since then, think he moved to Arizona last I heard. Be a real good idea for him to stay down that way. But anyway, from seeing what it did to my Mother, I'd have the decency to just say it wasn't working out and get a divorce before I ever considered cheating on my wife. I lived in an unhappy marriage for 9 years where I could have easily justified it, at least to myself, but still didn't try to date until the divorce was final. I just don't think I would ever want to think I hurt someone the way Tom hurt my Mom.
 
Maybe I'm just strange, but I think I could forgive the whole cheating thing, at least once. I don't know, when I was younger I thought it would have to be the end of the relationship, but I guess I've changed a little. It doesn't seem to be so bad as that. I'm not saying I wouldn't mind at all, but at the same time, I don't think i would end a relationship just because of that. Of course, thise depends on the length of the relationship, and of course the circumstances. In a 2 year relationship like Justin's, I'd give it another chance without too much thought. In, a 6 month or shorter relationship, I think it would probably end the relationship. I guess the most important factor for me would be why it happened, and why it wouldn't happen again.
 
I tend to be unforgiving when it comes to cheating, lying or doing drugs in regards to relationships. I told every one of my bf's that too so they would know in advance that if they did any of the three, I'd be gone.

I've been cheated on twice (that I know of). Both of them were tied to other members of my family so I occasionally still hear about them, over 10 years later. One is divorced and alone(because she found out about his affairs) and the other is in a loveless marraige and frequently fools around with other women but his wife puts up with it. Interestingly enough, he cheated on me with her and she married him thinking she could change his cheatin ways. :shrug:

The other thing is, (and you can give me all the flak you want for this one) I see cheaters as having a morally decreased personality. I don't want someone who has cheated in the past because again, just from my own experience, they usually have other things lacking in their personality which I don't want. It takes an amount of work and compromise to make a long term relationship work over the years, may as well not start off behind the game.
 
Well, it kind of depends how much you care about the person. As Justin said, he almost asked her to marry him. Given that, it was clearly a very serious relationship, which couldn't have been lacking much, or he wouldn't have even considered this. So, even though she made a mistake, everything else must have been in order, or he wouldn't have been thinking so seriously about her. The relationship is the issue. If its just some girl you met at a bar, and you've been going out a few months and she cheats, get rid of her. But, if you've been together years, and everything else is going fine, you have to look into it more before just saying its over. The circumstances are the key! How did it happen, and why is what really matters. I don't know, I can't imagine in a serious relation just to end it so quickly. This is the biggest reason to end it, but still, you can't just say cheating equals break up and end of discussion. Maybe for some people it does, and maybe if it ever happened to me, I would feel the same way. I just think personally, i would try to work through it somehow, assuming its possible. I would say in MOST case, he or she doesn't want to work through it, or they wouldn't be cheating in the first place, but this situation doesn't sound like one of those cases.
 
RD_151 said:
Maybe I'm just strange, but I think I could forgive the whole cheating thing, at least once

its not strange just that some of us arent as forgiving



greenfreak said:
The other thing is, (and you can give me all the flak you want for this one) I see cheaters as having a morally decreased personality.


i wont give you flak but some cheat when they dont feel they are as loved in a relationship but i agree some do have an amoral personality
 
You know what Justin?, date her, it's time to return the favour, screw her head, make her crawl, push her to the limit, and when you think it has been enough then push her farther, if she complains about it...drop her.

Be a bastard, be an asshole, revenge is bad but i'll be damn IT IS SOOO SWEET.
 
since Justin ain't saying, I will, so he gets the appropriate advice...this was not just a cheat...it was longer term than that. :(
 
Well, I'd say not at all then. Going back into a relationship with her will be giving her the ok to do it again.
 
You know something we don't apparently Leslie. Ok, you're right, without complete information, we will tend to give bad advice.

Then I'm at least all for the revenge angle still :D
 
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