Age difference

Arris

New Member
Hi all, its been a while since I've had time to post here but I thought for once I had some worthwhile input :rolleyes:

I recently turned 28 and just recently I've started seeing an 18 year old. Now I don't really mind the age difference. She is mature for her age and we get on really well. Maybe I think too far ahead, I mean it might not even last very long and this is right at the start of the relationship. The thought that is lurking at the back of my mind is about children. I've never really worried much about having children and just thought that if I meet the right person it will probably happen eventually. What I'm worried about is that if this relation develops how I would like it to then I would have to consider when she would maybe want to have kids. My parents were fairly late in having me, I think my father was my age, but if she decides she wants to leave it until she is 30 then I'll be 40. So by the time I have a 10 year old I'll be 50. I guess I shouldn't worry about this, it shouldn't matter. I just don't want to possibly fall ill later in life and miss out on fatherhood because I was waiting for her to be ready.

As I've said I'm probably over-thinking things again but thats my way (2 years of psychology classes didn't help that either).
I don't often end up in relationships, mostly because I'm quite a reserved and shy person, but in the past I've always opened up my heart and ended up getting hurt. I've no doubt that this will happen again and again as you can't go into something half hearted as such. But I think after a bit longer I'm best discussing this with her??? Better getting these matters out of the way before being madly and deeply (and painfully depending on the outcome of the discussions) in love.

I guess part of my question is should I forget about this younger girl and try and stick to finding a partner in my age group. I've said it myself "Age doesn't matter, its how you feel about each other" or something along those lines, but I'm starting to doubt this more as I consider how the difference could matter in the future.

Probably a premature question and I think I've just spewed output straight from my brain and it probably makes as much sense as an episode of the simpsons in russian (well to me anyway)

thanks for any input on this matter... ;)

PS: Sorry if Age Difference has already been discussed but the forum search wouldn't allow me to search for "Age" as its under the 4 character search string length limit :rolleyes:
 
Arris said:
I recently turned 28 and just recently I've started seeing an 18 year old. Now I don't really mind the age difference.

Ok...Stop right there. :worship: Every man is looking for an 18 year old...regardless of his age.

seriously..I wouldn't think too hard on any of what you've mentioned unless and until it becomes a probability. Nothing that you mentioned is as grave as you seem to imagine it. And nothing is worth forsaking a chance at real happiness. I'm glad to hear life is good for you, my friend.

BTW...Tell her you need to spend more time at OTC. Would ya? :hmm:
 
Squiggy said:
BTW...Tell her you need to spend more time at OTC. Would ya? :hmm:

Its not really her thats demanding on my time.
She has 2 part time jobs and is studying at college to transfer into 2nd year of a law degree (so yes she is more intelligent than me).

Its just I have a life now (not that I'm saying you guys don't :winkkiss: ). Its just before I posted a lot because I was always in front of a PC when I was travelling for work and it just worked out that I was in a position to frequent a lot of forums for hours on end. Now that I'm based back in my home in Scotland I've established a proper social life and past times which have stolen precious hours from my online time. I'll try to get my "attendance" record back up to scratch though and drop by OTC more often.
 
The age difference between 28 and 18 is a lot less than the difference between 25 and 15.
 
Squiggy said:
Ok...Stop right there. :worship: Every man is looking for an 18 year old...regardless of his age.

:

No we ain't....some of us prefer the ones that have been around the block a few times :p
 
Inkara1 said:
The age difference between 28 and 18 is a lot less than the difference between 25 and 15.

Very true... well said Inky. But its still physically 10 years. I know it shouldn't bother me but if it continues to then I might just have to stop seeing her.
 
You're right. You're ahead of yourself.

Wait until your relationship gets to that stage before you worry about kids, etc. Speaking as one who did the large age difference/younger girl thing, I'd be (pleasantly) surprised if it got that far. To be brutally honest, I suspect something will kill it earlier. Until then, enjoy the undeniable benefits. :brow:
 
It's good that you're thinking about this issue now, however, until you actually have the conversation with her you may be needlessly worrying. She may not want children at all, for instance. Or she may want them right away. In addition, she is apparently studying for a law degree which will surely influence any feelings she has on the matter.

The other issue you need to realize is that raising this topic of conversation with her will definitely change the tenor of your relationship with her. This is serious stuff, and unless you truly feel like you may want to spend the rest of your life with her I don't recommend starting the dialogue.
 
A friend used to tell me that Age was mind over matter.

If you don't mind...it doesn't matter.

Sounds like a rather flip responce until you really think about it. If you feel that your difference in age will become an issue, then it will...it's like a self-fulfilling prophesy. I know that you're thinking of children now..and what'll ahppen when you're 40-50 years old. You know what...being 40-50 doesn't change you, nor will it matter to your kids how old or young that you are. If you're a good Dad, then they won't see the age at all. It's true that some people start their families late. I'm no exception, with my first born coming along when I turned 34 and my wife was 31. That was two years ago...we're thinking of having a second child...she or he will come along when I'm 37+. That's a sobering thought...approaching my 40's with a toddler and a kid just entering school.

but...you know what? My kid makes me feel 10 years younger automatically... You may live until your 90's, which means that you'll get to see your children grow up and perhaps some of your grandchildren. too.

You can't pick the day when you die...you may die in a car crash tomorrow (Lord forbid), but you can pick the day when you live...and that day should be Today.

If you're in love...and the relationship is making you and her happy..then that's all that's really important. You'll have kids when the time is ripe, and I promise you...the day that you hold your first child in your arms for the first time...that the issue of age will just vanish. You'll be a Dad.

Nuff said?
Thus endeth the lesson.
deBish "Happy Father"
 
arris, do what feels right.,...the issue with the children will work itself out...besides, men can have children way into their golden years (tony randall for example). if the two of you are compatable and make each other happy, then i don't see a problem. good luck to you.
 
When I was 16 I hooked up with a 25 year old. It worked like a charm in the very beginning. But then I started growing up.

And realized that he never would.

Bummer.
 
Thanks for all the advice guys.
Think I'll just wait and see how it goes. If it keeps going well I'll then consider discussing the future :D
 
chcr said:
I think maybe he does that once in a while just to f*ck you up. :lol:

I am neither a parrot, nor a rock.
I am a free thinking person who is neither immoveable, nor unchangeable.

besides...it's fun to trip Prof up every once in a while...he makes such a lovely thud when he hits the floor. :D
 
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