Bad Joke thread v278272.02
- Thread starter Raven
- Start date
Uki Chick
New Member
A guy meets up with his friends and tells them he got the best blow job in town. The whole time the girl was blowing him, she was singing, clear words and all. His buddies obviously don't believe him. He swears he's telling the truth and tells them where to locate her.
One of the guys finds her and tells her he wants a blow job. She tells him it's $50.00. He then tells her he wants the singing blow job. She then tells him it's $75.00 plus the hotel room. No problem.
Once in the room, the guy takes his pants off and lies down on the bed. She explains that the lights must be off in order for her to give him the singing blowjob. He agrees. He feels her go down on him and then begins to sing, clear words and all.
He's amazed and needs to know how she's doing it, so he reaches over and turns on the light.
All he sees on the table is her glass eye.....................
now who didn't get this????
One of the guys finds her and tells her he wants a blow job. She tells him it's $50.00. He then tells her he wants the singing blow job. She then tells him it's $75.00 plus the hotel room. No problem.
Once in the room, the guy takes his pants off and lies down on the bed. She explains that the lights must be off in order for her to give him the singing blowjob. He agrees. He feels her go down on him and then begins to sing, clear words and all.
He's amazed and needs to know how she's doing it, so he reaches over and turns on the light.
All he sees on the table is her glass eye.....................
now who didn't get this????
Uki Chick
New Member
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic
poison. He says: "What do you want with arsenic?" She replies: "I want
to kill my husband because he cheats on me with another woman."
The pharmacist says: "I can't sell you arsenic so you can kill your
husband even if he is cheating on you with another woman."
So she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist says "Oh, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
poison. He says: "What do you want with arsenic?" She replies: "I want
to kill my husband because he cheats on me with another woman."
The pharmacist says: "I can't sell you arsenic so you can kill your
husband even if he is cheating on you with another woman."
So she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist says "Oh, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
MrBishop
Well-Known Member
Bobbitt Family Update
In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with
(scroll down)
A Misdewiener!
In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with
(scroll down)
A Misdewiener!
Winky
Well-Known Member
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane on his way to attend the Celebrations scheduled for the 60th anniversary of "D Day.
At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport. "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously. "Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any God damned Frenchmen to show it to."
At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport. "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously. "Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any God damned Frenchmen to show it to."
A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a pub and said: "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" "Yes I do," replied the beautiful young woman, "But go ahead, as I'm sure you're going to ask me anyway." "OK," said the shy, drunken, innocent young man, "How many men have you slept with?" "That's my business!" snapped the woman. "Oh, right!" said the young man, "I didn't realise you made a living at it!”
BeardofPants
New Member
Uki Chick said:
Eeeewwww!
A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.? Aunt Karen was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and the plane got hit? She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.? And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.? Aunt Karen was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and the plane got hit? She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.? And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."