Beating and hitting your kids???

WELP ppl, My views on this ,hmmmmmm

I have a 9 and 3 yr old . And I'm going thru some ruff times and my 9 yr old was always spoiled , from me and dad, but i did the spanking-well now is almost as big as me and has an attitude like you would not believe, and YES i spank, not with my hand either-ive learned that hurts me. My 3 yr old is learning the same attitude from his older brother (oh 2 Boys). So right now my 9 yr old is playing Mom against Dad, (seperation/divorce) and time outs DONT WORK for me, they still give me the "mom can i get out thing. When i have them I can control them -Most of the time, Dad doesnt give ANY disapline-they get "dont do that, over and over again" . until they get what they want.
?????????So, WTF, do I do?????????

Back in my time-I was to be seen and NOT heard,unless I was spoken too, and when i was grounded, i dare ask for anything or to go anywhere, now adays, times are ruff with kids, they see and hear WAY to much.
 
this is a big thing these days.

divorced/separated families make things hard work because the main responsible parent has to apply disapline and the other one doesn't care at all as they are not the ones having to deal with the tantrums etc.

playing mum off against dad is a normal but frustrating part of growing up and as much as i would love to say that they will grow out of it quickly i can't. this is likely to continue for many years to come.

obviously grounding these days doesn't work. you cant stop kids from seeing the other parent. also most kids have PC's, game consoles, hifi's, TV's, videos, mobile phones etc so being told to go to your room is no longer a punishment.
 
I smack Katie from time to time, but it's very rare, usually only if she does something dangerous or if she persistently deliberately ignores to me, which she does from time to time.

I find giving or with-holding rewards works best, either saying she can have it if she does something or saying she won't get it unless she does something and then sticking to my guns. Little things like an ice-cream or some new colouring pens or drawing paper. I don't use large presents as rewards. Timeout still works with her, but then it involves sitting on a chair in the hall for 5 minutes which she hates.

I try to explain why she shouldn't do certain things in language she can understand but that doesn't always work. I'm really glad I don't have a child who can argue back at me though.

Most of the time she's as good as gold though so discipline really isn't a problem.
 
Heck i tossed around my cousins alot when they was kids, they hate me now, all cept for the youngest he got to know me in my more 'mature' years :laugh:
 
I got the occasional whack when I was a kid and I turned out all.........well, I turned out anyway :retard3:
 
My father used to batter us (my 2brothers,sister and mum) alot as he was the kind of man who had old fashioned views, HE was the head of the house, HE was in charge, etc. Mum was treated as a fifth child and if she got out of line or if she disagreed with him or something he lost it and would hit her. We (the kids) got the same, i remember he would lose it with me if i was caught reading in bed after they had said goodnight to me, or after parents night in school if we got a bad report he would come home, drag us out of bed and all hell would break loose. The worst thing he ever did was threaten us with a knife, shaking it infront of our faces, i have no doubt he has a few screws loose.

Now, my mum and dad are in the middle of a divorce, I dont see him much, i don't want to see him much. To this day he still thinks he did nothing wrong, it was all ''our fault'' or mums fault.

Anyway, that all would fall into the category of abuse i think, dad saw it as good old fashioned discipline, authorities saw it as abuse. Mum would rarely hit us, when she did it was only a little slap on the leg or something light. on occassion she would bring out the wooden spoon, but that was on dads orders. After living my childhood out through alot of violence i would say i've grown up ok, i think i've inherited my fathers short temper unfortunately but not to the point of going crazy.

I'm against parents being allowed to discipline their kids whatever way they see fit, personally when i have kids the method i will use is simply taking things they like away when they misbahave, give them back or give a treat when they're good. Simple. No violence involved. I'm against the idea that people have to use force and violence to get the message across, is it really necessary? I like to thnk not.
 
xcite, i am so sorry that you had to grow up with that burden. i'm glad that you recognize that your father was wrong and i wish you luck with your children should you have any.
unfortunately, taking things or other such punishment really doesn't work on a small child. thats why i use timeout or a hand pop or a spank on the tush. i will amend my disciplinary tacits as my girls age, when they understand those types of punishment ie. grounding, loss of priveledges (sp?), etc.
 
I think the best way to control bad behaviour is consistincy, when they're good you praise them, when they're bad ignore it but sanction them. If you keep this up (which is hard, as kids are good at manipulating with their crying, and making you feel sorry for them so you will relax the restriction) it should encourage good behaviour. That's what my mother basically told me, she works in child care teacing and must teach students who are going to be looking after other peoples children to control bad behaviour in other ways than hitting, as no one but the parents have that right. She knows about child psycology, and apparently this method has been the most effective. I can only know this when i have kids of my own :)
 
I have 2 boys. I spanked my oldest ONCE when he was 2 for swearing at me when I sent him to his room. Just took down his pants, gave him one good swat and left the room.

I have been traumatized ever since!

I must have done something right with how I brought my boys up because they never need to be hit for discipline.

We talk like human beings.
 
I believe in discipline. When I was a kid my biological piece of shit was'nt around. I never met the prick untill I was 13. Anyway, my grandad stepped in and did his best. He was a very loving man, but believed that when it came time to discipline, the discipline had to meet the crime. I stole some candy from a store when I was aroung 9 or so.......once. After he made me return it and tell the lady and apologize he took me home and gave me an ass whipping that I would remember. I never did that again. Never

Don't get me wrong though. If there isn't a need to discipline, then you've got a problem if your beating a kid. I don't go and start kicking the shit outta my kids for no reason.

I do believe that a kid needs to learn though. Learning from their mistakes is sometimes painful. In some cases, discipline is the best recourse. On the flip side, if you don't put the problem in the past after the discipline, then wounds never heal. Just hope the kid learned a lesson along the way.

In the end, a kid is going to do what they want. Everyone does. You take drugs not because of peer presure. You take drugs because you want to. You steal candy from the store not because you were forced to, but because you wanted to. Discipline helps mold a kids frame of mind in differentiating between right and wrong. Not all kids learn and not all parents use it properly.
 
What peeves me is when mothers and sometimes fathers let their kids run wild in a public place and they either do nothing or say, in a soft pleasant voice, "Stop It, insert name here". The kid never ever listens. I'm a firm believer in displining your children and if a firm and strong voice doesn't do it, then a slap ought to work. If I was a mother I could fucking care less how much my kid wails after I displine them for misbehaving. My kids WILL behave not just in public, but under my roof as well. Some people are not fit to raise kids, IMHO
 
my dad's never resorted to sucha thing. Grounding me as a kid, like taking away my SNES cartridges did enough damages. Although mah momma would threaten me with a broom. My family mirrors the Cosby Family.
 
One of the best ways to to control bad behaviour is to reinforce the good behaviour. Too many times I see kids being good and being ignored, so to get some attention they do something naughty... hey it worked, I'll do it again!

They need attention when they are being good... read to them, actively watch tv with them (by that I mean discuss what you've seen or join in if it's a little kids program), play with them, cuddle them, whatever but give them some reinforcement for being good. So it's time consuming and often hard work, but that's what parenting is - hard work, not the easy option as so many people seem to think.
 
So it's time consuming and often hard work, but that's what parenting is - hard work, not the easy option as so many people seem to think.
Click to expand...

Bravo...very well put. If you don't want to work hard, don't have kids
 
freako104 said:
ill say no when and if I have kids since my psych courses have said that it is a negative thing to teach the kids and that negative reinforcment as well as certain punishments such as a timeout are more effective and dont teach violence
Click to expand...
I disagree. My parents used to give me a small smack when I did something wrong. I soon learnt not to do that. Sometimes negative reinforcement is a required aspect of raising a child. Especially if you could see half the kids round where I live
 
steweygrrrr said:
I disagree. My parents used to give me a small smack when I did something wrong. I soon learnt not to do that. Sometimes negative reinforcement is a required aspect of raising a child. Especially if you could see half the kids round where I live
Click to expand...


True the kids round our end are terrible. Mind you so are the grownups in next door but 3
 
the grownups tend to be worse than the kids most of the time....is that those scruffy scallies that live on the corner of west avenue and laburnum?
 
I was never spanked or in other ways punished physically as a child. Nor do I punish my son in that manner. Actually when I think about it, I can't really remember ever being punished for anything as a child. I think my parents just trusted me, and I didn't want to misuse that trust.


If my son would misbehave in public (or at a family arrangement) I would take him with me to the nearest bathroom or similar, to be alone with him. There I would talk to him, explain why it is unacceptable to behave in such a manner. My kid has ADD (he ain't hyper), so he needs to be taken away from all possible distractions before I talk to him to correct his behaviour. This method has worked (and still does) fine for us. He is well behaven both at home and in public, although he often needs a reminding word when he forgets himself.

When it comes to the idea of spanking in general -I am against it. Which is probably a good thing, as it is illegal over here.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top