Spirit
Kissy Goddess
I used to post on a msg board that had one of the most colorful characters ever that posted on any board. Here is a story he posted once:
I was chatting with a friend just now that reminded me of this..
Wally Tries Cybersex
An Instant Message appears across the screen of Wally's computer:
Angel4: Hi. How R U?
Wally: Huh? Who is this?
Angel4: My name's Angel....how r u?
Wally: HEY! I know who this is..one of those hackers trying to get my credit card. Stop Thief! Help!
Angel4: For heaven's sake, I'm not a hacker...
Wally: Oh, sorry. Anyway, I was smart enough after the last time I was ripped off to change my Visa Card number from 6278178965781117 to 6382900986228211
Angel4: Ummmm, okay.................I'm just a girl looking 4 a good time. My name is Angel.
Wally: Angle, that's a pretty name.
Angel4: Thank you..but it's Angel. I like your profile.
Wally: Hey, how can you see my profile. I'm not even turning sideways..HEY! can you see me with one of those sex cams???
Angel4: No, Wally. Not if you don't own one. Um..is Wally your real name, and.. are you over 18?
Wally: I'm 31 (mmpft) but I won't tell you my real name.
Angel4: Why?
Wally: The last woman I chatted with was a psycho and started sending me death threats in the mail.
Angel4: Oh my, that's awful. Is she still stalking you?
Wally: No. Luckily she found someone else with a better credit card rating.
Angel4: Haven't seen u here before. Do u want to get to know me better? I'm 5'5, 120 lbs, 34/24/34.
Wally: What are all those numbers, your phone number??? I'm in Canada - we just have seven digits.
Angel4: Um, no. Those are my measurements. I'm a dancer/actress/model and I work out 4 hours a day.
Wally: You work out? I mostly work inside. I'm a heart surgeon. (mmpft) Don't you sometimes get too cold working outside so much?
Angel4: No, silly! I mean I EXERCISE MY BODY.
Wally: Why don't you get a job loading trucks? It's exercise, and they give you money.
Angel4: Uh... Forget it...So, what do you look like?
Wally: I've been told I look like a cross between Jim Nabors and the guy who lives across the street from my aunt's house.
Angel4: Just a minute, it's very hot in here. Do you mind if I slip off these panties and get more comfortable?
Wally: Ok. I have to go feed my dog while you do that.
Angel4: Sheesh.
Wally: OK I'm back. Sorry I took so long. Hey, what's this file in my computer. HEY, ARE YOU SENDING ME A VIRUS, ANGLE?
Angel4: Calm down, Wally. That's a picture of me. Open it up. It's safe. And my name's Angel.
Wally: No, I better go ask my wife first. I'm not allowed to download anything without her permission..be right back-
Angel4: NO, WALLY! Um..there's no need to show your wife this picture...Just calm down and open it.
Wally: WOW!! WOW!! WOW!!! You look EXACTLY like an old poster I had for years!!!! I swear you look just like Farah Facet Majors without the wrinkles. Did you pose for a poster too???
Angel4: Um.. no, that's just a photo I had taken last week. That's really me, honest... Now will you tell me your real name?
Wally: Well.. um.. I-I-
Angel4: Fine. I'll just start chatting with InTooDeep then..
Wally: WAIT! As long as you are not a stalker. I'm Wally Eastwood and I live at 56 Crown St. in Toronto Canada, Postal Code K6V IV4. But maybe I shouldn't tell you that.
Angel4: Oh, don't worry...you can trust me. I'm taking my silk blouse off, Wally..
Wally: Aren't you worried you'll catch a cold?
Angel4. Well, if you saw me topless right now you would know it's a bit chilly here..
Wally: It gets cold here too at night. My wife won't turn the heater up past 62 degrees and-
Angel4: I'm getting really hot, Wally.
Wally: Make up your mind, you just said you were cold.
Angel4: Tell me what you are wearing.
Wally: I'm wearing blue boxer shorts and a Bart Simpson Tee Shirt.
Angel4: Why don't you take off your shirt for me, Wally..
Wally: WHY? It's a really funny one with Bart and this really fat woman and it says "Purple Crack Kills".. Have you seen it? (long, long, pause from Angel4)
Angel4: You know, to tell you the truth I'm a bit busy right now and-
Wally: Did I mention I'm 6' 3" 200 lbs and can bench press 300 pounds? (mmpft)
Angel4: *Perking*
Wally: What.. you're having coffee at this hour????
Angel4: No.. I mean..*wow* meaning.. that sounds just.. mmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Wally: OH my God! You spilt your coffee on the keyboard, didn't you? Now your m key is sticking!
Angel4: NO, Wally, for crissakes I'm not having any coffee! I mean MMMMMMMMMM..Like.."I'M EXCITED"..do you get it? Can you possibly freaking keep up here, you putz?
Wally: OH! I GET IT! It's those EMOTICONS! I bought that book INTERNET for MORONS to learn those, but I forgot where I put it-
Angel4: I think I'm getting a migraine.
Wally:But I remember some of them...Let's see: I forget.
Angel4: You have a great sense of humour... Now I'm really getting hot...can u call me, Wally?
Wally: Why would I call you my own name?
Angel4: No...u know.. CALL me..on the phone..
Wally: No, I can't, I'm trying to cut back on my phone bill..but..HEY..WAIT you mean call you for phonesex????
Angel4:: Yeah..It's only $3.99 a minute and I'll bet you have a sexy voice, Wally.
Wally: I tried that phone sex once but I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do with the receiver.
Angel4: *Sigh* Wally, do you want to get off with me or not!?
Wally: Get off? Angle, I just signed on and I have 5 more free hours!! I got this great deal through my phone company and a free phone card and-
Angel4: I MEAN CYBERSEX!!!!
Wally: Wow!!! My wife just left the house,too! I'd like to try that stuff out.
Angel4: Finally!.. Here's a free sample. Now listen carefully.. when you start to get turned on, you type "oooooooooooooo", get it? I'm completely naked now, Wally, and I'm starting to-
Wally: 00000000000000000000000000000000000000
Angel4: This isn't the time to be cracking jokes.
Wally: I'm done. That was great.
Angel4: Are you SERIOUS???
Wally: I get excited easily. I'm sorry, Angle.
Angel4: Jesus, what schmuck. And it's ANGEL, you jerk!!
USER ANGEL14 is no longer online
Wally: Hello? ::clicking keyboard:: HELLO, ANGLE? It says you are no longer online. Tell me if this is true. Hello?
I was chatting with a friend just now that reminded me of this..
