Every red-blooded American knows that the only condiment you put on a hamburger is ketchup...
The meat's fine, the lettuce is fine, but if you bring me another hamburger with mayonnaise on it, I'll cut off your legs, set fire to your house and then watch you try to crawl out of your burning house with bloody stumps.
Look at you, you're a sweet little pocket rocket, what fun! I thought he had an uptight English gal.
I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.