Hints for getting rid of pesky Jehova's Witnesses

MrBishop

MrBishop

Well-Known Member
MrsBish just called and my neighbourhood's about to be canvassed.
3 cars... 1 adult and 1 kid per car...all in dark conservative suits and carrying suitcases and with a feverishly purposeful look on their faces. One's parked right in front of our house. :rolleyes:

Last thing I heard before she hung up was her telling my son (home from schools today) that he can go downstairs to pick a movie. :)

So...do you get visited by the 'witnesses'?
How do you get rid of them?
What's the easiest way to remove blood stains from pavement?

The usual bevy of questions ;)
 
Last tiem that happened to me, I was just finishing washing my car. I made 'em wax it in return for reading their material. The rules were made clear up front - no conversation. I read all 12 of your pamphlets while relaxing on a lawn chair, watching you wax my Buick.

When they were done, I said thanks and sent them on their way. When they tried to talk to me, I reiterated our deal - no conversation. Good-bye.

Oh, and blood stains come right off with a pressure washer and a little touch of bleach.
 
Yes we get visited.

Don't open the door if you don't want to deal with them. That's your castle, do as you please.

If they don't want to leave after you ask them to, calmly pick up the telephone and dial the police and request the removal of a trespasser. Works every time.
 
Either that, or answer the door in your undies, an open-breached shotgun under one arm, a cleaning kit under the other, and a beer in one hand. Belch and ask them if they like gladiator movies.
 
At my apartment in Atascadero, I could tip-toe over to the window without making the floor squeak and look out the blinds and see who it was at the door. I saw it was the Jehovah's Witnesses again, so I didn't answer. After a couple minutes, they left... and I realized that one of them was my grandma. I felt kinda cruddy after that.
 
I thought about buying a mallet and 3 big'ol nails, two pieces of 6X6 (12' & 6' long) ... "Remember what happened to the last guy who tried to save me?"
 
I just tell them that I am neither spiritual nor religious.. and that if I was I certainly wouldn't follow such a stuffy whack-job cult where unconditional love runs a loose fifth behind 20 volumes of 'can't do this, and can't do that'... 10% tithing, please... oh.. and wear your best suit... because this whole 'love thy neighbor' thing only applies when you wear a coat and tie.
 
When I lived in town, I just wouldn't answer the doorbell. My close friends and neighbors knew to come to the kitchen door.

Now, I don't get them because they won't open my front gate --- 100 yards from the house --- because I have a very large black dog. hehehe
 
HomeLAN said:
Last tiem that happened to me, I was just finishing washing my car. I made 'em wax it in return for reading their material. The rules were made clear up front - no conversation. I read all 12 of your pamphlets while relaxing on a lawn chair, watching you wax my Buick.

When they were done, I said thanks and sent them on their way. When they tried to talk to me, I reiterated our deal - no conversation. Good-bye.

Oh, and blood stains come right off with a pressure washer and a little touch of bleach.
Click to expand...

WOW, one time they came to our old house and my dad told them he was too busy to listen (he was redoing out basement and that day he was sanding drywall). They told him they didn't mind talking while he worked and my dad told them the only way they were coming in and talking to him while he worked was if they helped him sand...they declined and left.
 
Not here. They spent 1.25 hours waxing a 1979 Buick Regal - under my very watchful eye.

I thought my old man was never gonna stop laughing.
 
SouthernN'Proud said:
Don't open the door if you don't want to deal with them. That's your castle, do as you please.
Click to expand...

Damned straight.

Greatest line ever written for a movie...
Walter Mathau, in First Monday in October...
"A telephone doesn't have a Constitutional right to be answered".
 
just ask them questions they can't deal with... takes only a few minutes to frustrate them... same with the occasional krishna you might meet.
 
Mormons visit my house more often than the JW's. In fact, I don't think the JW's have ever come to my house.

For the Mormons all I have to do is push them over the Mary statue and say "the pope says hi" and they leave.
 
I just politely say I'm not interested and close the door. Maybe our JW's aren't as pushy as yours.

I have read some of their pamphlets and I have to say that they're not all bad, some give some very good advice... it's just a shame that generally their idea of God and the bible is a bit kookie... but each to his own.

I usually treat the mormons in the same way. But then I suppose some people would also misunderstand my attraction for the Society of Religious Friends, but I find myself spiritually closer to their way of doing things than anyone else with it's emphasis on not being told what to believe, living simply, peace, social justice and helping those less fortunate than yourself.
 
2minkey said:
just ask them questions they can't deal with... takes only a few minutes to frustrate them... same with the occasional krishna you might meet.
Click to expand...

Questions like what? Are the questions different for krishnas?

I've only had good experiences with krishnas. I was staying at a friends in another city one summer and there were a group of krishnas that would go up his hill one day a every week passing out various sized factory-sealed containers of orange juice out of a shopping cart for free.

We'd a get a gallon jug of the "krishna juice" everytime they came by. They never even tried to talk religion once. It was just "what size do you want", handed us some juice, and off they went.
 
*thanks god he lives in a country whose 90% of the population is catholic.
*thanks god he's agnostic
 
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