How Far?

PrincessLissa

PrincessLissa

New Member
The thread about breast implants got me thinking. I like to think that I am pretty lax parent when it comes to my child making her own choices. I feel that if I tell her "no" to much and choose to fight every battle rather than choosing the battles that really matter, I may end up with a child who will do whatever she wants and will rebel against me and worst of all, not talk to me. I know that kids hide things from thier parents, but as far as kids go, I want mine to open with me.

So my question is, how far would you let your child go?

I have always said that tattoos have to wait until they are 18. I have tattoos, but the more I think about it, I am pretty glad I didn't get one of the ones I wanted to get in high school. I think that some piercings are okay, and that funky hairdos are fine. I want my daughter to be educated enough to make her own decisions, but also know that if she gets busted for something bad, I WILL let her suffer the consequences. I also want her to be able to call me and say "mom, I've had a few beers tonight, can you please help me with a ride home?" I will be disapointed, but I would rather her be more scared to drive drunk than to call me and admit she was drunk.
 
What my parents did was make a couple rules that worked. They basically said, you know what you need to know. You are going to do whatever, but you are going make sure that you can always at any given moment go to a job interview in a bank and get hired tomorrow.

That basically meant, no unchangeable funkyass hair, no tattoos outside the business clothes line, good grades in school or good record at work, and no criminal record. Other than that, fair game. It worked fairly well.

Till my brother joined his band, but he was in his 20's then :D

Anyway, that's essentially my plan, and what I expect from my boys.
 
As long as they don't get arrested and can get that job at the bank. I'm a little more lax about hair, but they're still too young to work at the bank too, and I remind them of the fact that at some point they are going to need to look human.
 
I dont really care about the hair, piercings, tats, who they are sleeping with (in fact I'd rather have them doing it at home as long as it's with someone who has the ability to be a full time partne).

The only values I would like to install in them is respect for other people.
 
As long as they put my ass in a nursing home when I get old.

Do whatever the fuck you want....cause if you're gonna do shit then you'd either do it with your parents permission or without.

I just don't want a submissive pussy for a child or an overzealous asshole.
 
IDLEchild said:
...with your parents permission or without...
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This is how I see it. I'd rather know what my daughter was doing, (and with who) but in order for that to happen I want her to have knowledge of the consequences that may lie ahead. She is going to do it whether I tell her not to or not, so why not let her talk to me so I can help her realize what she is possibly getting herself into.
 
PrincessLissa said:
This is how I see it. I'd rather know what my daughter was doing, (and with who) but in order for that to happen I want her to have knowledge of the consequences that may lie ahead.
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Telling her the conseuquences will seldom help IMO. Kids forget that parents were young too once.

She is going to do it whether I tell her not to or not, so why not let her talk to me so I can help her realize what she is possibly getting herself into.
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*sniff*...I wish me mum was so thoughtful....

...wait, never mind, she is.
:swing:
 
My mother talked to me about NOTHING. I was afraid to tell her I wanted a bra in the 5th grade when kids started making fun of my pointies. I tried and she would shoo me away. We have never really discussed that kind of stuff in my family. I finaly had to wait till my dad yelled at me and my mother about how I needed one and how could we both be so blind as not to notice. Anyway, if I couldn't tell my mother about a bra, how could I come to her and tell her that I had my period, I liked a boy, or that I kissed a boy? Let alone anything truley bad that parents would want (or should want) to know.
 
I don't have any children, so I cannot say how far I'd let them go with anything. Hopefully I'd be able to maintain an open relationship with the offspring, should I ever have any, but I think a lot of the times I'd probably end up being a bit stricter than intended because of the bugger ups I have made myself :shrug:

If anything I'd love to grow up to be like my mom.

But I am getting some practice with my nephew - he's only two, but he knows not to push me too far - the 1st time he'll get away with something (maybe), the second time I'll give him a warning & stern look the third time he gets a smacked bottom (if what he did really was bad enough to justify that). I think screaming at kids actually do them more harm than the occassional hiding....as does ignoring what they did wrong or trying to 'reason' with them. Maybe I am just a little old fashioned in such things, but IMO there should be a distinction between being a parent & being a friend - ideally I'd want to be both.
 
You can only really allow your kids to go up to and as far as you ever have...

If you're covered in tats and you got your first one at 15 (illegaly) then sure... explain the fact you may regret it... but junior really can just go ahead.

If you lost your virginity at 14 and ended up up the duff with junior at 16 then sure... explain the fact you may regret it... but junior can and will just do it anyway. (More likely to as well, teen pregnancies tend to run in families I think because of the "can't tell me no" situation I mentioned)

If you've used drugs... ditto...

Me... I'm tat and piercing free... I'd expect my children to be the same... until they're legally old enough or out of my house.

Me... I lost my virginity at 19.... ditto.

I have however used some class A drugs... I can't say I'd be happy with my children doing the same... but my advice will be invaluable for them and will hopefully allow them to make the right decision and NOT follow in mummy's footsteps...

Things like plastic surgery... once they're legally an adult at 18 then that's their look out too... I wouldn't fund such action... but if they look anything like me I would be able to understand their motives!
 
I feel that if I tell her "no" to much and choose to fight every battle rather than choosing the battles that really matter,
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If we're scared of our children then it's time to detonate the nukes. All of them. At once.
 
i am a bit lax in this regard with my children...course they are young yet. but i think that they really should have control of the aesthetics in their life...their hair, clothes, makeup, jewelery, their room....as long as it's LEGAL and as long as they are preforming up to my standards in school and behaving well.
that being said i do not plan on paying for the purple hair dye or the marilyn manson posters. if they want these things they can get a damn job like i did.
i also belief that sheltering your children from the world doesn't work. the key is non biased information.
 
I grew my hair quite long (buckle of the Bible belt here, remember) as a teenager. Quite long. But would not get my ear pierced until I moved away to college out of resect for my folks' wishes. As long as I was under their roof, I wouldn't do that because I knew their feelings on it. Still don't have any tats.

The kid will be expected to keep herself socially presentable until such time as she vacates our address. After that, her voice gets louder and ours softer.
 
My house, my rules. If they ever live with me permanently, it'll still be my house, my rules. Just because the kids down the street do it, it doesn't mean that they can do it. Sure...they can sneak out and do it, and I may not find out, but that's not an excuse for abandoning your duty as a parent.
 
i believe in the my house, my rules view too...i just don't extend it to personal expression...within reason, ex. if my child wanted to were a shirt that said "hitler was a hottie" i would object.
 
My kid wants an earring. When he was nine I told him he could get on when he turned 12. That means he might be gettig one this year. Fine by me. If he wants to go crazy with his hair, that's fine too. Other piercings later on - not a problem. Tatoos - 18.

So far, he will talk to me about anything between heaven and earth, also the things that are stirring up in his head. If we manage to keep it that way, I think we'll be ok. :)
 
Gato_Solo said:
Sure...they can sneak out and do it, and I may not find out, but that's not an excuse for abandoning your duty as a parent.
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Isn't that abandoning your duty as a parent if they sneak out? When they sneak out you no longer know where they are or what they are doing and you have then put them in harms way. I think that ensuring a child's safety is much more important that laying down a firm rule stating that "you will not go out with your friends on a school night" or "you will not hang out with that group". I'd much rather know where my child was going and who with than worrying about how much it would cost and what fire hazards there would be with locks on her window. Let me give you an example.

When I was 17 I deciced that I wanted to go with my friend to pick up some hot guys we know about 45 minutes away from where I lived. My mom had told me that driving further than my "limited boundries" was against the rules and I would be grounded. Well, I am sure I was already under smoe form of grounding at the time and didn't really care too much anymore what she thought. (We had a BAD relationship due to bad parenting). So, I told my mom I was going to the library and then over to Fun Plex (the cool hangout). She told me no Fun Plex so I said fine, I was going to my friend's house. Instead I snuck out and drove my friend and I up to the meeting place 45 minutes away. On our way we were in a minor car wreck. Both cars still ran, and had only minor damages and the only injury suffered was my sprained wrist and my friend banged up her knee. I will add here that the accident was not my fault and the other driver was drunk and had blown through a red light. The point is, we could have been very hurt and my mother had no idea where we were.

I would hate to get a phone call from a hospital or the police in the middle of night saying one of my girls was hurt because they had snuck out. I'd rather know where they were and when they would be home and hopefully have an open relationship where they would be honest with me about when they are coming home or would call if they were ging to be late.
 
Starya said:
My kids wants an earring. When he was nine I told him he could get on when he turned 12. QUOTE]

That is what we told my sister too. We have to wait till she was old enough to take care of them and clean them and stuff, which even at the age of 10 now, the outlook doesn;t look so good. I keep telling her that if she does it and doesn't have it cleaned properly her ear is going to HURT and get all nasty. She still won't brush her teeth or shower every day.

<sarcasm> See, my parents did, and are doing, a *wonderful* job. </sarcasm>
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Hair colour washes out and although painful..piercings can get removed. All of these are non-permanent. Tats...that's another story. Sorry kid... when you move out, you can get tats... same rules that my father set for me. Hell...who'd want to live out their lives with Twisted Sister tattood on their arm. :p
 
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