How to handle this situation

The whole "I don't really want to be a cheater" thing just makes it seem like you're even less sure of it than we are.
 
I can see that...if the word "really" was emphasized, like it is in every quote of that statement. But that emphasis was placed there by the people quoting that statement; it wasn't there originally. This (and I'm repeating myself here) is the problem with printed communication: You can't write tone of voice. You can imply it with boldness, italics, underlining, capitalizing, etc. I can quickly think of at least five different ways to interpret that statement based on which word or words are emphasized, inflection, pauses, etc.

So please let me restate that I do not want to be a cheater at face value with no hidden meaning.

Professur: Enigmatic as always.
 
I'm under the impression that if you're doing anything that you don't feel comfortable telling your wife about then you're cheating. This of course means the line is drawn in different locations for every couple. Some guys couldn't even tell their wife they were meeting a female friend for coffee without their wife freaking out...in that case if the man knows this and meets female friends for coffee anyway then he's cheating. If he thinks this line is "unreasonable" then he shouldn't be with the woman he's with.
 
My wife knows all. I tell her all. Wanan know why? She's my wife. My life partner. My best friend. If I can't tell her what humongous boobs this chick had & how cute she was, then who can I tell?

My wife & I trust each other implicitly.

Strive for that.
 
Gonz said:
My wife knows all. I tell her all. Wanan know why? She's my wife. My life partner. My best friend. If I can't tell her what humongous boobs this chick had & how cute she was, then who can I tell?

My wife & I trust each other implicitly.

Strive for that.
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That sounds like an amazing relationship...it's what I wanna have some day :)
 
I know it's not unique...I've had a jealousy free relationship before...unfortunately some of the other stuff wasn't so stellar.
 
JJR512 said:
I can see that...if the word "really" was emphasized, like it is in every quote of that statement. But that emphasis was placed there by the people quoting that statement; it wasn't there originally. This (and I'm repeating myself here) is the problem with printed communication: You can't write tone of voice. You can imply it with boldness, italics, underlining, capitalizing, etc. I can quickly think of at least five different ways to interpret that statement based on which word or words are emphasized, inflection, pauses, etc.

So please let me restate that I do not want to be a cheater at face value with no hidden meaning.

Professur: Enigmatic as always.
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In this case, the word "really" being there at all is basically the same as if it were bolded, italicized, underlined and font-size-72'd. It implies that you're less than sure, and considering that women these days are practically obsessed with the "men always cheat" thing if TV, hit singles on the radio and questions asked in surveys on myspace are to be believed, any sort of possible opening for cheating could very well convict you even if you're innocent. Your re-phrasing of it is much more solidly-stated.
 
JJR512 said:
I can see that...if the word "really" was emphasized, like it is in every quote of that statement. But that emphasis was placed there by the people quoting that statement; it wasn't there originally. This (and I'm repeating myself here) is the problem with printed communication: You can't write tone of voice. You can imply it with boldness, italics, underlining, capitalizing, etc. I can quickly think of at least five different ways to interpret that statement based on which word or words are emphasized, inflection, pauses, etc.

So please let me restate that I do not want to be a cheater at face value with no hidden meaning.

Professur: Enigmatic as always.
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like inky said, it being there at all makes it the central point in that sentance

I do not want to be a cheater is clear

I do not really want to be a cheater means part of me is really thinking about being a cheater.

And if you do not want to be a cheater, then don't, remove yourself from any thing that is making you question if it is right or wrong.

That is my philosophy on it, I do not want to be a cheater, I know I will NOT be a cheater, and to help myself out I make sure that I am never in any position that would be a problem.

At a bar with friends, girl starts chatting during a smoke break...tell an amusing story about the kids.
 
You're a good man Mr. Valaru (yes I know that isn't really your last name)
 
Inkara1 said:
In this case, the word "really" being there at all is basically the same as if it were bolded, italicized, underlined and font-size-72'd. It implies that you're less than sure, and considering that women these days are practically obsessed with the "men always cheat" thing if TV, hit singles on the radio and questions asked in surveys on myspace are to be believed, any sort of possible opening for cheating could very well convict you even if you're innocent. Your re-phrasing of it is much more solidly-stated.
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Weird, all this time I thought it was an intensifier, similar to very, as in actually, truly, unquestionably. (Bold words direct from definition.) But who am I to argue with someone who, as a journalist, has no doubt studied language and communications more than I. I look forward to my communication and language gen-ed courses with bated breath, so I can finally master the art of conveying my meaning by saying the opposite thing. :)
 
JJR512 said:
Weird, all this time I thought it was an intensifier, similar to very, as in actually, truly, unquestionably. (Bold words direct from definition.) But who am I to argue with someone who, as a journalist, has no doubt studied language and communications more than I. I look forward to my communication and language gen-ed courses with bated breath, so I can finally master the art of conveying my meaning by saying the opposite thing. :)
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What you're running afoul of here is the difference between the definition and (current) common usage.
 
Well...I don't think that "really" means its opposite in current common usage. I maintain that the problem is that in printed communications you can't see expressions and gestures and you can't hear tone of voice. I sort of comprehend how that sentece could have been misinterpreted, especially when someone reads tone or expression in it that I wouldn't have had in face-to-face talk. I have no control over that, and it's no secret that I'm very bad at realizing ahead of time how I'm going to be interpreted later.

As I'm sitting here typing this reply in the Quick Reply box, I keep seeing your avatar, chcr, out of the corner of my eye. And I feel just like that guy.
 
JJR512 said:
Weird, all this time I thought it was an intensifier, similar to very, as in actually, truly, unquestionably. (Bold words direct from definition.) But who am I to argue with someone who, as a journalist, has no doubt studied language and communications more than I. I look forward to my communication and language gen-ed courses with bated breath, so I can finally master the art of conveying my meaning by saying the opposite thing. :)
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Jesus Christ on a stick! Are you TRYING to avoid my point at any and all costs?
 
But you had Don't in front of really, hence changing the meaning.

"I really don't" is different from "I don't really"

beyond semantics, have you understood the general point of view, or is this thread destined to be a grammar arguement?
 
JJR512 said:
As I'm sitting here typing this reply in the Quick Reply box, I keep seeing your avatar, chcr, out of the corner of my eye. And I feel just like that guy.
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That's what we feel like, too. Your woman has stuck with you, even when you got your ass thrown in jail for writing hot checks, when you've spent your way into homelessness on multiple occasions (your parents DID tell you they could've paid for four years at UMBC for Ash with the money they spent bailing you out of the deep shit you kept putting yourself into), etc., etc., etc. Now this new girl has come along and how you handle the situation could keep you married or could drive Dawn away for good. But instead of listening to what we're trying to say, you make piss-poor attempts to argue semantics, trying to use denotations when connotations are what you should be paying attention to in this case. If Dawn thinks you might be cheating on her, no amount of semantics will make her trust you ever again.

It's one thing to be sure you're right when you actually are right. But when you're wrong, you're proven wrong, and it's blatantly obvious to everyone that you're wrong and that you're proven wrong, it's time to let go. This time, it isn't an issue of whether Na and Kuu will visit your site anymore. This time, it's your wife and your kids.
 
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