Idiots

MrBishop

MrBishop

Well-Known Member
Just got this via e-mail and nearly pissed myself.

>IDIOTS IN SERVICE:
>This week, all our office
>phones went dead and I had to contact
>the telephone repair people. They
>promised to be out between 8:00
>a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they
>could give me a smaller
>time window, the pleasant gentleman asked,
>"Would you like us to
>call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't
>see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't
>working.
>
>
>IDIOTS AT WORK:
>I was signing the receipt for my credit card
>purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the
>back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not
>complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I
>asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the
>signature I had
>just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit
>card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to
>the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it,
>they matched.
>
>
> IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
>I live in a
>semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor
>call the local township
>administrative office to request the removal
>of the Deer Crossing sign
>on our road. The reason: too many deer
>were being hit by cars and he
>didn't want them to cross there anymore.
>
>
> IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
>My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered
>a taco.
>She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal
>lettuce."
>He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
>
>
> IDIOT SIGHTING #1:
>I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when
>an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your
>baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was
>without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly
>and nodded,"That's why we ask."
>
>
> IDIOT SIGHTING #2:
>The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe
>to cross the street. I was crossing with an
>intellectually challenged
>coworker of mine when she asked if I knew
>what the buzzer was
>for. I explained that it signals blind people when
>the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are
>blind people doing driving?"
>
>
> IDIOT SIGHTING #3:
>At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who
>is leaving the company due to 'downsizing," our manager commented
>cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a
>word was spoken. We all just
>looked at each other with that
>deer-in-the-headlights stare.
>
>
> IDIOT SIGHTING #4:
>I work with an individual who
>plugged her powerbar back into
>itself and for the life of her
>couldn't understand why her system
>wouldn't turn on.
>
> IDIOT SIGHTING #5:
>When my husband and I arrived at an
>automobile dealership to pick
>up our car, we were told the keys had
>been locked in it. We went
>to the service department and found a
>mechanic working feverishly
>to unlock the driver's side door. As I
>watched from the passenger
>side, I instinctively tried the door handle
>and discovered that
>it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
>technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got
>that side."
 
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just says, "I'm Stupid". That
way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It
would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there
was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says "Hey,
you moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes
it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his
boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ole' stringer of bass and this
idiot on the dock says, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was
a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "all
right Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to
jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite
you."
"Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those !
side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck,
looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?"
I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other
three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the
house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the
house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then
says, "Darn that's hot!"
See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know
I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get
it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local
cop showed up to take the report. He went through his basic
questioning....ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a
sign...until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?"
I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then
back to him and said, "No, I'm delivering a bridge...here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a coworker looked at me and said "Are
you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your
sign."

Anybody you know need a sign today?
 
Hey, HomeLAN, being from GA, are you familiar with Blake Clark? He's hilarious. Four most important word a man can know: "You're right, I'm sorry.":headbang:
 
chcr said:
Hey, HomeLAN, being from GA, are you familiar with Blake Clark? He's hilarious. Four most important word a man can know: "You're right, I'm sorry.":headbang:
Click to expand...

Not by name, but I've heard that quote before.
 
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