I'm sad

My dad meant a lot to me, I learnt from him many things that makes me who I am. To my disfortune, my father died when I was at that age when you are mean to your parents, and I used to be meanier to my dad than I was with my mom. He felt terrible about my attitude with him but never said a word, and he was always there for me when I needed him.

His dead took everybody by surprise, he started to feel sick and pain in the stomach. The analysis later showed that he had cancer, 3 days after we got the diagnosis he passed away, we know he had cancer but nobody expected him dying without even trying to save him. The doctors didn't even have the complete studies about what type of cancer he had but they were impressed by the speed at which it was killing him.

Before knowing he had cancer I judged him bad, thought of him as a whiner for lesser pains. The night before nov 6th I was left alone with him for about 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it and started to cry and asked him for an apology, told him all that he and mom mean to me, he just told me thanks.

I had the fortune to talk to him that day, otherwise I couldn't just live with that guilt. Even knowing that he gave me his forgiveness is hard to know of all the time I wasted by having a bad attitude, or for almost never saying to him how much I love him. That's what I regret, that's what I'll never forgive myself, that's what makes me love and show my love to my family with the intensity I do, that's what makes me give everything to everyone and that's what makes me sad :(
 
Luis G said:
My dad meant a lot to me, I learnt from him many things that makes me who I am. To my disfortune, my father died when I was at that age when you are mean to your parents, and I used to be meanier to my dad than I was with my mom. He felt terrible about my attitude with him but never said a word, and he was always there for me when I needed him.

His dead took everybody by surprise, he started to feel sick and pain in the stomach. The analysis later showed that he had cancer, 3 days after we got the diagnosis he passed away, we know he had cancer but nobody expected him dying without even trying to save him. The doctors didn't even have the complete studies about what type of cancer he had but they were impressed by the speed at which it was killing him.

Before knowing he had cancer I judged him bad, thought of him as a whiner for lesser pains. The night before nov 6th I was left alone with him for about 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it and started to cry and asked him for an apology, told him all that he and mom mean to me, he just told me thanks.

I had the fortune to talk to him that day, otherwise I couldn't just live with that guilt. Even knowing that he gave me his forgiveness is hard to know of all the time I wasted by having a bad attitude, or for almost never saying to him how much I love him. That's what I regret, that's what I'll never forgive myself, that's what makes me love and show my love to my family with the intensity I do, that's what makes me give everything to everyone and that's what makes me sad :(
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We are have our moments with our parents. I remember the days that I was a total lunatic with my parents too.

Even though you were going through that rough time of growing up, remember that you're father knew you loved him. Parents know that their kids will go through certain periods in life where no one can say anything to you. It's got nothing to do with hating your parents really. At least you got a chance to tell him you were sorry. I'm sure he appreciated that and he didn't hold anything against you.

I hope you can get through this rough time Luis. Just keep your chin up and think of the good times you had with your dad. Remember the little things that meant so much to you.
 
Yesterday went through, I tried not to remember the day, and I rather went out to watch a movie and have fun.

I feel a whole better, november is always tough for me but it gets better after the 6th.
 
I cannot offer you any words of wisdom, but I have been there. All I can say is that maybe now is the time to step back and look at life. Life will try to hand you many opportunities to look at your life and readjust. Too bad it always seems to present itself in depressing disguise. Maybe take a weekend all to yourself with NO personal contact. Just you and some nature, think about the things that make you happy and try to incorporate more of them into your life. Take time for you.

As far as your father, you have every right to mourn and feel how you do and celebrate his life any way that you please. Don't let anyone ever tell you different.

*huggles*
 
Thanks everybody, I'm doing much better now. I'm not fine yet, just doing better. Going almost daily to the cinema with my neighboors and having fun with them has helped me to keep my mind off of thinking about the way I feel or what I feel.
 
You're going to the movies to fight depression? If "After the Sunset" is the best there is to offer, it seems like the movies would be more depressing.
 
Inkara1 said:
You're going to the movies to fight depression? If "After the Sunset" is the best there is to offer, it seems like the movies would be more depressing.
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Is the distraction that kept me with a good mood, although, I felt a little depressed with some movies.
 
Have you tried going to see a doctor to see if they can help you out about it? It sounds as though you might be getting a lot more than mild depression. I have had personal experience with severe depression for some time now and am now and on medication for it, its worked wonders, believe me. Because without any medical help I honestly believe I wouldn't be here right now. If you want to give me a yell if you need any advice as far as meds and coping goes, I'd be happy to offer my help/support/advice, depressions a bitch and nobody really understands it unless they go through it themself. When its serious, its not exactly something you can pull out of without help... so don't be shy...I'm entirely open to any questions anyone has by the way, because I believe that it is an illness that isn't enough discussed or talked about as much as it needs to be :) .
 
Luis G said:
Yesterday went through, I tried not to remember the day, and I rather went out to watch a movie and have fun.

I feel a whole better, november is always tough for me but it gets better after the 6th.
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[SADMANHUG]:sadhug:[/SADMANHUG]

have you been to his grave to try to make some kind of closure?



Posh Spice as Tank Girl?
DEAR GOD NO. Tank Girl is supposed to be a badass. She was in the movie and comics anyway
 
freako104 said:
[SADMANHUG]:sadhug:[/SADMANHUG]

have you been to his grave to try to make some kind of closure?
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Whenever I'm there I can't help but cry and tell him how much I miss him, I don't believe in the afterdeath but it feels good to say it.
 
At least you do get to say it although he doesnt hear it. I am sure he would love to hear it if he were alive. Again sorry for the loss.
 
*beyond misery
now is for the girl, I never thought a breakup would cause me so much pain, even after all this time.

But I'm not defeated, today is crap but i'll make tomorrow alright.
 
dude. if you miss her this much and you still want her then maybe you really don't care about those things that made you say you wanted other things.
 
*beyond misery
now is for the girl, I never thought a breakup would cause me so much pain, even after all this time.

But I'm not defeated, today is crap but i'll make tomorrow alright.
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:crying3: for godsake, GO TO A DOCTOR OR SOMEBODY PROFFESIONAL AND TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT. Its tough making that step and admiting you need that help, but you want to improve your quality of life don't you? NOBODY deserves to be miserable, believe me, if you go and see someone and they recommend medical intervention you won't regret it - it makes a world of difference. :trippy:

I've been through a couple of bad break-ups too, and the last was particularly nasty as far as my mental state was concerned (but don't worry, I did not retaliate and letter-bomb his mailbox or anything :D though that thought is mighty tempting now I think about it...) - Its taken me about 7 months to get over that heartbreak...and I needed help and got it and am so much better and happier than I've been in a very long time for taking the courage to do that...so you can too, even if its just to get you back on track and in a better state of mind than you have been :hug: the first step is admitting that you need help and having the courage to do something about it, after you've done that; its easy peasy. ;)

P.S: The very fact that you've posted this thread is obviously a cry for help, nobody likes to see anyone so upset so keep us posted if you decide to do that...it will be neat if you get on meds and post a few weeks from now telling us how fantastic you feel :)

P.S: I am so buzzed that I found an excuse to use the "trippy" smilie :lol:
 
Luis..so far tank girl has given you some excellent advice. I, too, had breakup problems...the marriage from hell, remember? It took me 4 years to get over it completely. These things do take time...and some of us need less than others. One bit of advice, though. Stay away from alcohol and/or recreational drugs. They can only make you feel worse.




And I think Scary Spice would've made a good tank girl. :grinyes:
 
agh; nostalgia...posh spice, scary spice

yeah, I must admit I was of that age when they were all the rage :blush:
 
But I only liked Scary Spice...She had that certain je ne sais quoi, but I don't know what that is... :D
 
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