Joke for the day:

[Mare]

(sorry if its in the wrong thread-may move it if need be..)

BULLFROGS & BLOWJOBS
>
> A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.
> After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.
> She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to
> spend a fortune. "Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog.
> They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!" "Blowjobs!" the woman
> replied. "It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,"
> he said.
>
> The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's
> true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog. When she
> explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical
> and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never
> need to perform this less than riveting act again. In the middle of the
> night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying
> everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran
> downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog
> reading cookbooks.
>
> "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked. The husband replied,
> "If I can teach this frog to cook.......your ass is gone."

 

[Shadowfax]

nice one!

my input...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way,
but she was very reluctant to pay the high prices the locals vendors were
asking for the highly prized shoes.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted,
"Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get
a pair of shoes at a decent price."
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, y'all just go
and give it a try, why doncha!"

The blonde turned on her heels and headed out toward the swamps, determined
to catch herself an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he pulled over to the
side of the levee where he spotted that same young woman standing waist deep
in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spotted a huge
ine-foot alligator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she
took aim, killed the creature, and, with a great deal of effort, hauled it
onto the slimy swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper stood
on the bank and watched this scenario in amazed silence.
Just then, the blonde struggled and flipped the gator on its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in frustration, she shouts, "Damn!
This one is barefoot too!

 

[tommyj27]

>A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front
>porch with her bags packed.
>He asked her where she was going and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas."
>He asked her why she was going.
>She told him, "I just found out that as a woman I can make $400 a night
>doing what I give you for free."
>He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.
>His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"
>"I''m going too!" he replied.
>"Why?" she asked.
>"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"

 

[Gonz]

 

[Inkara1]

So a man with a black eye boards a business train headed to Pittsburgh. When he finds an available seat, by chance the man in the next seat also has a black eye. So, with this in common, the two get to talking.

The first guy asks the second guy how he got his black eye. The second guy says, "well, this morning, when I went to buy my ticket for this train, the girl behind the counter was the choicest piece of ass I've seen in my whole life. Blong, perfect rack, perfect shape... she was so hot it messed me up. I meant to say, 'give me a ticket to Pittsburgh,' but I accidentally said, 'give me a picket to tittsburgh,' and so she slugged me. How did you get yours?"

The first guy replies, "well, this morning, I was at the breakfast table with my wife. I meant to say, 'please pass the Wheaties,' but I accidentally said, 'you ruined my life, you stupid bitch.'"

 

[Shadowfax]

lol @ inc

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays
until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When
he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his
shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.

Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his
rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of
empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken
glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But,he was so drunk that he
didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he
checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut
up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could
under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he
was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when
his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said.

"Where'd you go?" "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a
couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied, "You got plastered
last night. Where the heck did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning
and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."