Lover to friend???

No, all the girls in his past have always loaded up everything they said with hidden meaning. He WANTS to believe me but he CAN'T fully believe any female. One reason why he won't get into something serious with anyone.

We are working on it. One day he will hopefully get over those things. I just want him to beable to trust and love I don't even care if it's with me. I am his friend first and foremost.
 
I kinda wish I'd kept the ICQ history with Stephanie, so I could post it along with some e-mails we exchanged later. That would be an excellent three-unit course in why one shouldn't try to be platonic friends with a close ex.
 
*hangs head in shame*

The two of us need to learn to keep our hands to ourself...well...more so him because he is the one who restarted it...but I was a willing participant...

Deep down I get the feeling that either we will end up back together eventually or we will end up not being in the other's life at all and I do NOT like the thought of the second one...:mope:
 
Nixy said:
*hangs head in shame*

The two of us need to learn to keep our hands to ourself...well...more so him because he is the one who restarted it...but I was a willing participant...

Deep down I get the feeling that either we will end up back together eventually or we will end up not being in the other's life at all and I do NOT like the thought of the second one...:mope:
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Nixy..in my umble opinion,
You should just tell him that he needs to make a decision, and so do you. Either he/you wants a deeper relationship or just be stricly (hands-off) friends. Basically he's think you're an easy lay , just because you're there. He doesn't have to put forth any effort to get a little. You both should produce an efforted decsion. From the way you describe it, its only going to ugly and hurtful. I've been there.
It will work. It will be strange
crap.gif
. I think you be better off strictly friends.
 
Nice first couple posts, Sam. You said basically what I would if I had the balls... :D

K++
 
I think it is possible if both people are willing to work at it and the problems that may occur.

I think the harder thing is friend to lover. It crosses so many lines and once you feel that way about them ,you can't really make it go away.
 
PrincessLissa said:
I think it is possible if both people are willing to work at it and the problems that may occur.

I think the harder thing is friend to lover. It crosses so many lines and once you feel that way about them ,you can't really make it go away.
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no..thats true..but time is the most important thing. if the two are willing, it could be a great (hands-off) relationship...its whats most important to a person: sex now, or having a great friend 10 years from now that was willing to be just close friends. It takes time and will power, and most of all resistance.

sam.
 
I agree completly. Funny thing is, my friend kinda feels the same. We want friendship but we both are strangely attracted to each other (more than just phsicaly) and know that in the future, we would be grat together.
 
sam_fisher said:
no..thats true..but time is the most important thing. if the two are willing, it could be a great (hands-off) relationship...its whats most important to a person: sex now, or having a great friend 10 years from now that was willing to be just close friends. It takes time and will power, and most of all resistance.

sam.
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Time has nothing to do with it. What matters is that you not be an emotional retard. Friends who appreciate each other can often have better sexual relationships than a dating couple, because there are no hidden catches or expectations - you're sleeping together because you feel close to your friend and you want to share something more intense - not "deeper" or "special" ( *puke* ). The only time this doesn't work is when you think you have to have emotional attachment to everyone you sleep with, and feel that you have to complicate the situation with shit like "oooh what's it going to be like when we wake up?" Fuck off. Tommorrow has nothing to do with it, you're making love now because you appreciate your friend. You KNOW your friend is going to remain your friend and that what you're doing is in the interests of the friendship. You have none of this shit about dumping or self-sacrifice or betrayal because that shit doesn't exist in friendships. That's why friendships last pretty much forever whereas most people aren't capable of holding a relationship together for more than a couple of years.

Ever think about how absurd it would be to suggest that madly-in-love married couples shouldn't sleep together because it might ruin their relationship? Good friends are in exactly the same situation, minus the feeling of being crazily in-love. If you can't handle that, then you probably shouldn't be going out in public in the first place.. better to stay at home and socialise with the cockroaches, you might even learn a thing or two.

As for friends -> lovers, I disagree that this is any harder. In fact, if you've been friends for ages and then one day realise that there's more there, your chances for creating something spectacular that lasts are much higher - you already know the person inside-out, and you already know that you get on great together. Friends -> Lovers is in fact the IDEAL way to start a relationship. And because it's your friend, if finally it doesn't work out you know each other well enough to accept it and go back to being friends again.


sam_fisher said:
no..thats true..but time is the most important thing. if the two are willing, it could be a great (hands-off) relationship...its whats most important to a person: sex now, or having a great friend 10 years from now that was willing to be just close friends. It takes time and will power, and most of all resistance.
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*puke* *puke* *puke* *puke* *puke*

What are you, a catholic priest? Honestly, that shit made me sick.
 
A13: I think my situation is kinda like you described. When he and I stopped the physical stuff and really discovered out friendship I had never felt closer to him. Now that it restarted I feel even closer to him again. He and I can lay together for hours and hours. When we were going out I was always wondering what he was thinking of me, ho wh liked it, if he wanted to get up but was laying there for my sake. Now, without the relationship and with the close friends-ness I am able to just enjoy his company.
 
a13antichrist said:
Time has nothing to do with it. What matters is that you not be an emotional retard. Friends who appreciate each other can often have better sexual relationships than a dating couple, because there are no hidden catches or expectations - you're sleeping together because you feel close to your friend and you want to share something more intense - not "deeper" or "special" ( *puke* ). The only time this doesn't work is when you think you have to have emotional attachment to everyone you sleep with, and feel that you have to complicate the situation with shit like "oooh what's it going to be like when we wake up?" Fuck off. Tommorrow has nothing to do with it, you're making love now because you appreciate your friend. You KNOW your friend is going to remain your friend and that what you're doing is in the interests of the friendship. You have none of this shit about dumping or self-sacrifice or betrayal because that shit doesn't exist in friendships. That's why friendships last pretty much forever whereas most people aren't capable of holding a relationship together for more than a couple of years.

Ever think about how absurd it would be to suggest that madly-in-love married couples shouldn't sleep together because it might ruin their relationship? Good friends are in exactly the same situation, minus the feeling of being crazily in-love. If you can't handle that, then you probably shouldn't be going out in public in the first place.. better to stay at home and socialise with the cockroaches, you might even learn a thing or two.

As for friends -> lovers, I disagree that this is any harder. In fact, if you've been friends for ages and then one day realise that there's more there, your chances for creating something spectacular that lasts are much higher - you already know the person inside-out, and you already know that you get on great together. Friends -> Lovers is in fact the IDEAL way to start a relationship. And because it's your friend, if finally it doesn't work out you know each other well enough to accept it and go back to being friends again.




*puke* *puke* *puke* *puke* *puke*

What are you, a catholic priest? Honestly, that shit made me sick.
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Hey, a13antichrist
i was just trying help out. no i'm not a catholic anything. And honestly,
asshole.gif
's like yourself make me sick . time has alot to do with it. and obviously you've not had enough time, for you to grow the hell up.
stfu.jpg
 
Time does have SOMETHING to do with it. You can't become close instantly, you can't jump from relationship to what he and I have instantly. We went a month after we broke up without seeing each other at all. I honestly think that the time apart helped us get where we are now.
 
a13antichrist said:
In fact, if you've been friends for ages and then one day realise that there's more there, your chances for creating something spectacular that lasts are much higher - you already know the person inside-out, and you already know that you get on great together. Friends -> Lovers is in fact the IDEAL way to start a relationship.
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* living that

:headbang:


btw, gf and sam fisher, the thread is in The Lobby ;)
 
sam_fisher said:
Hey, a13antichrist
i was just trying help out. no i'm not a catholic anything. And honestly,
asshole.gif
's like yourself make me sick . time has alot to do with it. and obviously you've not had enough time, for you to grow the hell up.
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I'll concede that time can help - but not time when you have to fight with yourself about what you want to do. That's for mental mushrooms.

Obviously not everyone is capable of it, because a lot of people have the emotional intelligence of a dung beetle. TIME is not what's needed - sure, it helps, if you can't make it on your own - but what's needed is the ability to think clearly for two seconds about what you and your friend mean to each other. Nixy has shown that ability, however I'm not surprised at all to hear the "fight the urge, it'll destroy the friendship" crapola from many others. I find it a shame that so many people will never experience that sort of relationship. Up to you though, it's your loss in the end.

Maybe you're right, maybe I haven't had enough time - I'm still friends with all my exes (except 1) and currently have two sexual friendships. I guess I've been too busy forming great friendships that I haven't had the time to poison my perspective with pathetic notions of sexuality that seem to have infected a large proportion of society. Gee I sure hope I grow up enough to get that chance too someday... :rolleyes:
 
all you have to do is make a choice. thats all it boils down to.
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its a choice to be friends or lovers. to be both, there has to be commitment.
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would you want to bone all of your really close femaie friends? i have lots of times.
i wouldn't want to be just friends with a girl i have sex with all the time, (this is just me cause i'm a hopeless romantic) because if i have sex with someone i tend to have romantic and feelings for them and want a deeper relationship( in my case i married her).
i'm not a religeous person, but i do have morals. to me sex between "just friends" is like having sex with your sister(and it makes ya feel akward and guilty when you're around them).

sam
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