Lover to friend???

I just realized I never posted on this subject. :retard:

I have two out of 15 ex's that I won't speak to (mostly cus they're assholes) but of all the others, we remained friends throughout. Five of them I had a very close friendships with afterwards and one is still a friend that I email regularly after about 6 years. I've been to the weddings of three of them since then too. :)

One I had a successful "friend but with sex added in for fun" relationship with while I was unattached to anyone else. I see nothing wrong with that if both of you want the same thing and have the same expectations. I really wanted a long term relationship (not with him-we had already done that and decided we were better off without the committment) but in the meantime, it was a good situation. So when I did find someone else to have a LTR with, we broke that off with no hard feelings. I'd still keep in touch with him but he's become very boring over the years.

I think it all depends on the person and what they are emotionally capable of. Let's face it, some people can't handle a regular relationship, much less one that has turned from a relatioship to a friendship. I do think there should be a requisite amount of time apart immediately after breaking up to shed the old feelings of romantic love and possible jealousy if the other finds someone new. And if you're really ok with it, not just trying to convince yourself that you are, it's totally doable.
 
well i have to withdraw from this thread. i think i've totally come across the wrong way.
a13antichrist ->
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just kidding
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sam_fisher said:
if i have sex with someone i tend to have romantic and feelings for them and want a deeper relationship(
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First mistake. Sex has its place in any relationship in which the two people involved decide they want it. Restricting sex to romantic affairs is like restricting donuts to police stations.

sam_fisher said:
(and it makes ya feel awkward and guilty when you're around them).
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Sedond mistake. Right there is what separates the humans from the Dung beetles. What sort of dumbarse feels awkward around people he's slept with? Unless you're afraid she'll guess you were just doing it to get laid or that she thought you were really useless in bed, or both.. although incidentally, once you learn to take care of the former, the latter pretty much takes care of itself...
 
why are you analyzing me? i told you i'm done with this topic.
find somebody else to analyze.

don't tell me i make mistakes when you're judging the piss out of me.
Don't sit there and tell me the way i do and believe are mistakes just because we believe differently. dude that pisses me off.

i have whats called "a conscience"...(No personal attacks please - L)!
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OK, I will not let this thread turn into personal insults

Everyone is different. Everyone has different views.

A13: Just because sam doesn't have sex out side of romantic relationships doesn't mean he is a Dungbeetle

Sam: Just because A13 DOES have sex outside of romantic relationships doesn't mean he has no conscience.

If the personal attacks don't stop I will have Les (since this is her forum) or another admin lock it and that would be a shame because I feel that all the conversation going on here (minus the personal attacks) are beneficial to me and the decission I must make.
 
First of all, I never called anybody a Dung beetle. I coined a metaphor, it's up to each person to decide for him/herself whether s/he fits into that metaphor or not.

sam_fisher said:
don't tell me i make mistakes when you're judging the piss out of me.
Don't sit there and tell me the way i do and believe are mistakes just because we believe differently. dude that pisses me off.

i have whats called "a conscience"...dykwad![/QUOTE]

You can believe whatever you like, that's totally your right. As soon as you express them, however, it's totally my right to ensure that everyone that reads those beliefs have access to a critique of said beliefs and an alternative that they might find more appropriate.

In any case, it's not simply because we believe differently. Don't flatter yourself. I'm telling you the way you do and believe are mistakes because I've observed people behaving that way for years and they end up no better off than the dung beetles I mentioned, as opposed to those who acknowledge the benefits of my line of thinking, who invariably end up enjoying VERY productive and mutually beneficial (whether they work out or not) relationships (both romantic and otherwise) close to 100% of the time.
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a13antichrist said:
as opposed to those who acknowledge the benefits of my line of thinking, who invariably end up enjoying VERY productive and mutually beneficial (whether they work out or not) relationships (both romantic and otherwise) close to 100% of the time.
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:laugh: You really should give seminars or something.

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a13antichrist, motivational speaker


:D
 
LOL @ gf

:hug: Sam (that ashamed smilie gets to me everytime)

A13: I know you didn't call him a Dungbeetle but I couldn't pick a specific insult out of what SEEMED like a direct but unspecific insult so I chose the dungbeetle thing...
 
Nixy said:
but I couldn't pick a specific insult out of what SEEMED like a direct but unspecific insult
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Actually, precisely the opposite - it was more specific but indirect.. but then, that's the beauty of it all.. ;)

And in any case, I've already mentioned that I'm going to establish my own degree program, called "How to not be a retard".. :D
 
Don't agree here. There's a difference between being comfortable with one another and not wanting to "ruin" it with sex, and being SO comfortable together that you can sleep with each other without the need to think there's anything to do with commitment in it. I can tell you from experience, the sex you have with a good friend is on the same level as the sex you have "when you really love someone", and if you think about that for a few seconds, you can see that it's also for the same reason.
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Agree. If only local girls would think that way :mope:
As for friends -> lovers, I disagree that this is any harder. In fact, if you've been friends for ages and then one day realise that there's more there, your chances for creating something spectacular that lasts are much higher - you already know the person inside-out, and you already know that you get on great together. Friends -> Lovers is in fact the IDEAL way to start a relationship.
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:thumbup:
 
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