staffrodore
New Member
at home and we all have differing opinions so............
Whats your definition of romance and what constitutes a romantic gesture?
Whats your definition of romance and what constitutes a romantic gesture?
Ok so we are having a conversation about romance here
- Thread starter staffrodore
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a13antichrist
New Member
"I love you" is self-serving - it makes you feel good about making the other person feel good. 
a13antichrist
New Member
Indeed.... which should make anyone with half a brain think a little more critically about how bad "selfishness" really is.
staffrodore
New Member
a13antichrist said:"I love you" is self-serving - it makes you feel good about making the other person feel good.
But that saying "I love you" has no meaning without the heart behind.
I love you......... but it hasnt made me feel any better.
tonksy
New Member
saying i love you can be romantic...sometimes. what is romantic is some form of heartfelt expression of love, affection. lust, whatever. something genuine that expresses your fond emotions for another....so "hey baby, wanna screw" can actually be just as romantic as "i love you" if it is genuine. i don't like canned romance.
IDLEchild
Well-Known Member
staffrodore said:
Getting along, spontaniety (the good kind, not the "gee honey..i decided to up and fuck your best friend" kind), shutting up.
Well just like the question above the answer to this varies from person to person. I have found woman to be much more varied than men when it comes to personalities and preferences in a mate. While society in general tends to act alike, on a more macro basis most woman don't act the same or prefer the same kind of man as oppose to men which can be figured out pretty quickly.
Some women hate candle light dinners or "I love you" uttered every 6 minutes and some need a man to define their lives.
With that said a romantic gesture for me is a random kiss out of nowhere, suggestive smiles when sitting with a circle of friends, footsie in a restaurant table, shutting up, spontanoeus actions, just lying in bed saying nothing but speaking a whole lot through actions (in and not in a sexual way), inside jokes....
....and a million other things that each woman does differently. I thought I knew romance but each woman changed my perceptions of it.
BeardofPants
New Member
Romance is the little things that people do to make their significant others feel good. Romance is knowing your partner, and doing those little things that they like, even if you don't like it that much. It can be as mundane as buying them the soap they like, or a trip to france. I have to say, I appreciate the gesture a lot more when I've had a hard day at work, and I come home to a cooked meal, a foot-rub, and a bottle of wine, rather than some cheesey gift.
tank girl
New Member
Romance is the crap that goes on when people try to do something to please the other to serve their own means, or to play make-believe with the fantasy invented by consumerism. In the case of Men, its sexual or ego orientated = making someone feel good to make yourself feel good. For women, its the last cry at a fairy tale that will never come true. Its a game that goes on between men and women to serve their own agenda.
Winky
Well-Known Member
What is romantic, after 25 years Hmmm
I guess I dunno. Tell ya one thing, when you’re wedded for life anything you do that makes you a better person is like making your spouse better.
Showing that you care for her like you do for yourself can show that you care for us.
Oh and 13 don't ever change that would be growing up and we can't expect that of you can we? I still wonder what ever happened to that beautiful gurl you showed us a picture of, the one that was yer GF when you left your home country? What became of her?
I guess I dunno. Tell ya one thing, when you’re wedded for life anything you do that makes you a better person is like making your spouse better.
Showing that you care for her like you do for yourself can show that you care for us.
Oh and 13 don't ever change that would be growing up and we can't expect that of you can we? I still wonder what ever happened to that beautiful gurl you showed us a picture of, the one that was yer GF when you left your home country? What became of her?
tank girl
New Member
...love, on the other hand is different. See, when you tell someone you love them, its an expression of your feelings towards that person. It is not a..."make them feel better...make yourself feel better" self-gratifying situation at all - though it can, and often is that way. Love is an expresion, so saying "I Love You" and really meaning it has nothing, if anything to do with Romance although romance can, and is the better part of love - however superficial. Because you can love someone so much that it isn't doing you any good at all, and you can love someone and they may not appreciate it at all. Love is like that, romance is more of a mutual flirtation, real love is a selfless, helpless expression...for better or worse
a13antichrist
New Member
Winky said:
Don't worry, I don't intend to..
She's events/promotions manager for a stadium at the other end of the island.. still talk to her from time to time...
PrincessLissa
New Member
I think that romance is most certainly in the little things. It is the little things that can make you feel like you two have just started dating even if you have been married for many years. It differs from person to person and couple to couple, but when you have been with the same person for years upon years, and they do something that gives you little butterflies, causes you to blush (in a good way), or say "awwwww, how sweet", I think that is very romantic.
a13antichrist
New Member
tank girl said:
Lemme ask you this.. if you're dreaming of this fabulous sweet guy you've got a crush on, do you think to yourself "oh gosh I'd like to make him happy"? Or do you think "oh gosh I'd be happy if I were with him"?
staffrodore
New Member
Nah it's love when you can piss on each others legs in the shower and not get mad.
tank girl
New Member
yeah, a total "when you can piss on each others legs in the shower and not get mad" kinda situation reminds me of an old saying;
The way I think about it, real love is more of a mutual sensation than a solid, tangible, rational exhange of one thing for another. And thats exactly why modt people struggle to understand it - because it is beyond 'understanding' per se, its metaphysical. Its a paradox, really - and its pretty stupid to try and categorise it along the lines of selfishness where the lines between giving and recieving meet and blur. A mother loves her child whether he is good or bad. The same way, a person can love another through that bond that doesn't work on how much that person loves them back it something that is just there - it can be felt - it needs no explaining, definately not rationalising.
The ultimate example of love, would be Jesus, would it not?
I feel the whole concept of Romance as we know it today is built and understood around an industry that prescribes the lines of "giving" and "taking" as natural and exchangeable for "love". That is where the whole sense of egoism and selfishness comes in. That mightn't be a bad experience - in fact out of selfish experiences you'd have to admit its a pretty good one - but you soon learn the reality of it when you wake up and there is nothing to "exchange" anymore, thats because the romantic perception by itself is only infatuation and impermanent; so two people behave as though they are living off each other like parasites: giving or taking rather than simply loving each other and respecting their existence.