Platonic intra-sexual relationships exist

[MrBishop]

OK... here's the scoop. It is possible for a man and a woman to have an entirely platonic relationship for a long period of time and for it to work out better than most same-sex friendships.

Point: I am alone for 3 days while my wife is enjoying her vacation at her father's cabin in Northern NY. She has our son with her. I left the cabin yesterday at 6:30 pm and drove to my best friend's place.

She made us coffee, made my supper (Drool....ham and cheese omlet - 7 eggs) and I helped her put her kids down for the night. We then spent the time on her bed (until midnight), talking about sex (and our lack thereof). I gave her two massages (one full-body) and the other a back/neck/butt massage and she gave me a back massage with home-made scented oils.

We did not have sex. We did not even come close. Yet, we're both sexual beings who are not getting any and complaining about it. How is this possible?

Plato was right...it is possible for two people to interract purely on a social/mental stage, even if they are gender-opposites, and for such a relationship to exist for a long period of time...in this case, over 8 years!!

Plato-nic intra-sexual relationships...do you have them?

 

[Raven]

Kinda....but I had feelings for the other person so does that count?

 

[freako104]

i think it is. i have many female friends that ill always flirt with and hang out with but nothing ever happens so its not uncommon

 

[MrBishop]

Kinda....but I had feelings for the other person so does that count?

For her it does...for you, you'd rahter it wasn't platonic...if you give up on the idea os sex with this person, then it can be platonic...in this case, it's partially platonic

 

[Wacky Nacky]

I might have one with my best friend Does it count that he's gay? :$

 

[MrBishop]

I might have one with my best friend Does it count that he's gay? :$

If he wasn't...would you schtup him? Yes..it counts...there is no sex, only conversation.

 

[Wacky Nacky]

If he wasn't...would you schtup him? Yes..it counts...there is no sex, only conversation.

schtup? :$ $ = the MSN blushy smilie...for you non blushy people). If he wasnt' gay, I think we'd still just be at the friends point.

 

[Leslie]

schtup? :$ $ = the MSN blushy smilie...for you non blushy people). If he wasnt' gay, I think we'd still just be at the friends point.

(you could always use : blush : with no spaces )

 

[Wacky Nacky]

(you could always use : blush : with no spaces )

Thank you For once laziness has paid off :bow: I was too lazy to search for it in the smilies heh :$ (what a sad sight that is, all it takes is the moving of the mouse )

 

[greenfreak]

That's a tough one.

Let me ask you this... If there was a way to have sexual relations with your best friend and to KNOW without a doubt that there would be no repercussions, would you do it?

You already went farther with her than I would or I would expect Rusty would. No fucking way he's touching another woman's body like that. If he did, I would be so uncool with that and might consider drastic measures. Do your spouses know that you do that and are they comfortable with it?

Then again, I'm of the opinion that although people believe there's a difference between a sensual massage and not, I don't. Maybe it's because I believe a man wanting to give a woman a massage is just code for "i want to have sex with you".

From my point of view, I've had many long term friendships with guys. I don't know, though, if you asked them the same question I asked you, what they would say. I think if there were more of a struggle with sexual feelings, it would be more on the guy's end.

 

[Raven]

If he wasn't...would you schtup him? Yes..it counts...there is no sex, only conversation.

Im alright I'm (ever so slightly seeing as I havent seen her in a year!) over her now. She knew how I felt n stuff and sometimes I got the feeling she liked me and then other times...well I dunno

 

[MrBishop]

That's a tough one.

Let me ask you this... If there was a way to have sexual relations with your best friend and to KNOW without a doubt that there would be no repercussions, would you do it?

You already went farther with her than I would or I would expect Rusty would. No fucking way he's touching another woman's body like that. If he did, I would be so uncool with that and might consider drastic measures. Do your spouses know that you do that and are they comfortable with it?

Then again, I'm of the opinion that although people believe there's a difference between a sensual massage and not, I don't. Maybe it's because I believe a man wanting to give a woman a massage is just code for "i want to have sex with you".

From my point of view, I've had many long term friendships with guys. I don't know, though, if you asked them the same question I asked you, what they would say. I think if there were more of a struggle with sexual feelings, it would be more on the guy's end.

I guess that would depend on your definition of repurcussions. Sex with her might mess up an otherwise great relationship. I would lose my wife and son... I don't think that any amount of sex is worth that. Point finale.

Beyond all that...I've known her while I've not been in a relationship...in fact, we started hangin out because we were both going through divorces, and helped prop each otehr up. With that opportunity in mind, we could've had sex, but didn't. It's a deeper friendship that you might imagine.

The massage bit... my wife has massaged her...she's massaged my wife. It's kewl. You don't believe in non-sexual massage? Not all massage-parlours are havens for hookers, ya know?

as for that signal...I love giving massages. I do it non-consciously. I find myself behind people and just want to rub the stress out of their shoulders...it's mostly for women, because a lot of guys get that "Hey...don't touch me, I'm not gay" thing going on. Homophobia...I hate it!

Think of it this way GF...if we met IRL, and you were all stressed out, and I offered to rub your shoulders for you...would you think that I wanted to have sex with you?

Now consider if we'd known each other for 8 years...I give you a back rub...would you consider it as a sign of impending sex?

Perhaps you would..but for me, although massage is a good pre-sex thing within the confines of a relationship, massage is me...using skills taht I've accumulated through classes and experience, applied onto another person for the goals of stress relief.

 

[a13antichrist]

All I have to say about this is

DUH.

The only thing preventing men having good friendships with women they're attracted to is those men thinking that they have to have sex with lots of women to prove that they're men.

If you're trying to explain why you didn't have sex, how about "being a person doesn't mean you have to have sex with every single person of the opposite sex on the planet"? You have a wife, therefore in principle there's your reason for not having sex with her. From the sounds of it she could very well have a husband too (since she has kids), unless she's divorced. Either way she knows you're married and hence isn't likely to proposition you unless she knows you'd say yes if she did.

As far as the massage is concerned, I'm not about to claim that doing that means you want to have sex with her. Hell I don't necessarily consider rubbing a girl's breasts or fingering her a 100% sign that you want to have sex with her. BUT, ask yourself whether your wife would be perfectly accepting of you giving those massages to this woman. Even if she knows the woman and knows you have no interest in sleeping with her, she would probably still object.

Back to the topic, I don't see where the miracle is supposed to have occured. And btw, you want inter- not intra, and sex rather than sexual.

 

[a13antichrist]

I guess that would depend on your definition of repurcussions. Sex with her might mess up an otherwise great relationship. I would lose my wife and son... I don't think that any amount of sex is worth that. Point finale.

That wasn't the question. If you KNEW that you could have sex with her without it interfering with your marriage, would you be interested (and note that it's not "would you DO it?")?
That's not even the point though. At present, you've excluded any sexual relationship with her out of obligation to your wife, not because of any lack of desire of your own. If you lost your penis in an accident at age 20, would you consider it a revelation to find yourself in a non-sexual relationship with a woman?

Beyond all that...I've known her while I've not been in a relationship...in fact, we started hangin out because we were both going through divorces, and helped prop each otehr up. With that opportunity in mind, we could've had sex, but didn't. It's a deeper friendship that you might imagine.

Having sex together or not says very little for the depth of your reltionship. In fact, it is precisely the deep friendships that allow a sexual component while maintaining a perfectly functional friendship. Not having had sex with her earlier simply says that you didn't want to have sex with her - unless of course you were "afraid it would ruin your friendship".

 

[Luis G]

I'd not flirt with any other girl, not even to the lower level of looks or talk, let alone giving her a massage in her bed at midnight. What if your wife had a male friend, and spent time til midnight in his bed complaining about the lack of sex, and then giving him a massage?

I'm sure i would not feel comfortable with me or her doing that. I wouldn't do it because i would feel terrible of even considering doing it.

But i guess in this is all a matter of points of view.

 

[greenfreak]

I guess that would depend on your definition of repurcussions. Sex with her might mess up an otherwise great relationship. I would lose my wife and son... I don't think that any amount of sex is worth that. Point finale.

Beyond all that...I've known her while I've not been in a relationship...in fact, we started hangin out because we were both going through divorces, and helped prop each otehr up. With that opportunity in mind, we could've had sex, but didn't. It's a deeper friendship that you might imagine.

The massage bit... my wife has massaged her...she's massaged my wife. It's kewl. You don't believe in non-sexual massage? Not all massage-parlours are havens for hookers, ya know?

as for that signal...I love giving massages. I do it non-consciously. I find myself behind people and just want to rub the stress out of their shoulders...it's mostly for women, because a lot of guys get that "Hey...don't touch me, I'm not gay" thing going on. Homophobia...I hate it!

Think of it this way GF...if we met IRL, and you were all stressed out, and I offered to rub your shoulders for you...would you think that I wanted to have sex with you?

Now consider if we'd known each other for 8 years...I give you a back rub...would you consider it as a sign of impending sex?

Perhaps you would..but for me, although massage is a good pre-sex thing within the confines of a relationship, massage is me...using skills taht I've accumulated through classes and experience, applied onto another person for the goals of stress relief.

When I say repurcussions, I mean that you wouldn't be any worse off now than you would afterward. You don't have to read into it any more than that. If all you could gain from the experience is a night of passion with her and no negative after affects, would you consider it? No losing anything.

I should have explained the massage thing better. What I meant was that when a male friend says they want to give me a massage, I'm not totally comfortable with that. I wonder what thought process is behind it. I've had professional massages before, but by women. I don't think they're sexual but they're also professionals. I don't know, maybe I've just known too many men that see massage as foreplay.

But there's a big difference between a casual shoulder rub and a full body massage including someone rubbing your ass with oils while discussing sex! NO sir, not for me or my bf. When you say your wife massaged her and vice versa, are we talking full body naked massages while discussing sex? I also don't know if that means your wife would be ok with what you just told us about the full body massaging and talking about the lack of sex she gives you... I'm thinkin no.

Call me crazy, but it takes me a while to be comfortable with a friend like that. I might not neccessarily think you wanted to have sex with me if you did give me a quick shoulder rub but I wouldn't be comfortable with it for a while. Much less a back massage, that's pretty much out. And if you did that at our first meeting, I'd probably be really creeped out.

 

[chcr]

The only thing preventing men having good friendships with women they're attracted to is those men thinking that they have to have sex with lots of women to prove that they're men.

As some of you get older, you'll find out that it isn't even uncommon. I have had dozens of women friends in my life. While the thought may cross your mind, it just doesn't seem that important. a13 hit the nail right on the head. If you're not concerned with nailing every girl you meet, you find that many of them are intelligent, worthwhile people to know.

 

[MrBishop]

When I say repurcussions, I mean that you wouldn't be any worse off now than you would afterward. You don't have to read into it any more than that. If all you could gain from the experience is a night of passion with her and no negative after affects, would you consider it? No losing anything.

I should have explained the massage thing better. What I meant was that when a male friend says they want to give me a massage, I'm not totally comfortable with that. I wonder what thought process is behind it. I've had professional massages before, but by women. I don't think they're sexual but they're also professionals. I don't know, maybe I've just known too many men that see massage as foreplay.

But there's a big difference between a casual shoulder rub and a full body massage including someone rubbing your ass with oils while discussing sex! NO sir, not for me or my bf. When you say your wife massaged her and vice versa, are we talking full body naked massages while discussing sex? I also don't know if that means your wife would be ok with what you just told us about the full body massaging and talking about the lack of sex she gives you... I'm thinkin no.

Call me crazy, but it takes me a while to be comfortable with a friend like that. I might not neccessarily think you wanted to have sex with me if you did give me a quick shoulder rub but I wouldn't be comfortable with it for a while. Much less a back massage, that's pretty much out. And if you did that at our first meeting, I'd probably be really creeped out.

Who said anything about naked? I think that a lot of you are breathig more into the thread than was there. The point is...can you have a non-sexual relationship with someone of the opposite sex?

In my defence

> men talk to men and women talk to women about a) former partners, b) current partners, c) sex in general --- why is that any different than two people ofdifferent genders talking about the same thing?
> Me not having sex with my friend has nothing to do with messing up my relationship with my wife, or my son, or my friend for that matter. It's just not a sexual relationship.
> the fact taht we have not had sex, I would think, is s stronger indicator of the strength of our relationship...more so than our ability to survive as freinds despite sex. Sexual relations are not meant to be divisive...therefore being non-sexual and in a realationship is more difficult rather than easier.
>I'm a man and thereofre have to have sex with all women? Damn...I mut've lost that part of the rulebook. ??!?
> Thanks for the wordking correction professor antichrist

hmmm...have to reread...seems that a lot of people are touchy and wordy on the thread

 

[greenfreak]

As some of you get older, you'll find out that it isn't even uncommon. I have had dozens of women friends in my life. While the thought may cross your mind, it just doesn't seem that important. a13 hit the nail right on the head. If you're not concerned with nailing every girl you meet, you find that many of them are intelligent, worthwhile people to know.

But if you do find them attractive, they're not intelligent or worthwhile?

 

[Oz]

As some of you get older, you'll find out that it isn't even uncommon. I have had dozens of women friends in my life. While the thought may cross your mind, it just doesn't seem that important. a13 hit the nail right on the head. If you're not concerned with nailing every girl you meet, you find that many of them are intelligent, worthwhile people to know.

The wandering guitar speaks the truth........Yeesh, it's boring being old

Platonic relationships get all too common.