Stats on Adultery

[Professur]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

i totally disagree...i'm not going to say all the time but sometimes adultery is just a sign of some other problem in the marriage.

And ....? Fucking around somehow makes marriage problems go away?

everybody here has been in tough situations and fucked up sometimes...doesn't mean you will do it again...it doesn't make you a bad person...it means that you screwed up or were running away from something....maybe it would have been best to deal with said situation the proper way but everyone has to learn a lesson sometimes.

I've heard this excuse used for everything from drinking, to spousal abuse. It's still just an excuse.

life is about learning lessons, right? you fuck up and learn from your mistakes. if you don't you are doomed to live in a repeat cycle of fuck ups and discord.

Unfortunately, most people who cheat never see it as a mistake. Until they get caught.

when i was a kid i stuck my finger on a burner...realized how much it hurt and i've never done it again....of course the hurt in the case of adultery may not be your own but...you follow me.

To note: When you were a kid. Kids are expected to do stupid things. Adults are supposed to aspire to a higher standard.

i just learned to not judge people based on an isolated incident because you never know when your life will take a detour through fuckedupville and you'll need people to not be judgemental of you.
repeat offenders on the other hand....mayhap the problem lies with some kind of bizarre insecurity...the need to feel acceptance and 'love' from a variety of people...either way, i pity them.

I've learned that a leopard never changes it's spots. A criminal is always a criminal. And a morally bankrupt person, is still a morally bankrupt person, at the core. and yes, I do pity them.

 

[tonksy]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

And ....? Fucking around somehow makes marriage problems go away?

of course not...it's not a solution as much as burying your head in the sand...and that's what it all boils down to...are you gonna face up to your issues or hide from them?

I've heard this excuse used for everything from drinking, to spousal abuse. It's still just an excuse.

aye...it might be an excuse...i am NOT justifying adultery...i'm just saying it can be an isolate event. adultery is never RIGHT...it just doesn't mean that you will do it again.

Unfortunately, most people who cheat never see it as a mistake. Until they get caught.

dude...i don't buy that...if they don't think it's wrong why do the go to lengths to hide it?

To note: When you were a kid. Kids are expected to do stupid things. Adults are supposed to aspire to a higher standard.

aspire? yes...obtain? not as frequent as you might like.

I've learned that a leopard never changes it's spots. A criminal is always a criminal. And a morally bankrupt person, is still a morally bankrupt person, at the core. and yes, I do pity them.

i'm guessing that you have very few people that you trust and do not pity....i don't want you to think i am justifying this or looking the other way on adultery...i just feel that saying that if you cheated once you are a "morally bankrupt person" is kinda off. if you cheated you made a mistake...what are you gonna do about it? are you going to own up to your mistakes? are you going to learn from this and improve yourself? are you going to get to the root of the issue to figure out what it was that lead you this way, whether it be a problem in your marriage or a problem in your psyche? or are you going to keep on with this kind of lifestyle and be a repeat offender? become morally bankrupt? it's not so much what you've done that sums up a persons character to me but rather how you deal with the situations you get yourself into.

 

[Gonz]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

Prof handled most of my objections quite admirably but I'd like to re-examine this

it doesn't make you a bad person...

It makes one a liar which makes one a bad person. ("...forsaking all others"..."I DO")

that can change if somebody is foolish enough to place themselves in the bear trap.

 

[HomeLAN]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

 

[MrBishop]

The reason for cheating/adultery is also different for men and women. I believe that if you look at your stats from a gender perspective, because of the reasoning behind cheating, then you will find different rates of reoccurrences.

Men often cheat for sexual gratification's sake...they are not getting satisfied at home...so they go elsewhere...or to regain their sexual youth, so to speak. They are proving to themselves that they are still attractive. I would say that men have a higher rate of repeat than women do.

Women tend to cheat more as a fringe benefit rather than seeking out sex. They are not getting emotional satisfaction out of their relationship and seek a partner to give them emotional satisfaction, rather than sexual satisfaction. The sex comes later...usually prompted by the male.

Because of the goal of the women who do cheat, if the cheating comes out in the open...and the couple can regain the trust and emotional accord...the woman is far less likely to seek emotional satisfaction outside of her relationship and thus less likely to cheat again. The male who cheats tends to keep those relationships shorter (because of the lack of emotional attachments) and will tend to repeat because he is 'on a roll'.

There are men who seek emotional attachments, and women who just crave sex out of their infidelity, but I'd say that these were exceptions.

Personally, I'm a serial-monogamist. I've never cheated, but rather, terminated the relationship before going elsewhere...altogether though...I'd rather work hard on keeping what I have rather than starting anew.

 

[AlphaTroll]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

Yeah, all good and well, but IMO regaining the trust after an affair is easier said than done.

Anyway, just a BS post 'cos I'm trying to figure out WTF is going on with this site.

 

[PT]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

I just don't think there is a good reason to cheat. I do agree with Bish on the reasons why men and women cheat, but still stand firm. If a man is seeking more sexual satisfaction, and just can't live with beating off or not getting more, then he should just get a divorce before pursuing other women. On the same note, if a woman feels like she needs more emotional satisfaction, she should talk to the man about it, she might just be surprised to find out he would like that too.

I wonder how often infidelity happens when the wife or husband hasn't ever said anything to their spouse about the way they feel that makes them want to cheat?

 

[Oz]

Innerestin' how the lads are vehemently against it and the lasses try to find reasons to justify it

Personnally, never been into the adultory thing....it only takes ten seconds to end a relationship (although the repercussions can go on for a while longer ) but, for me sins, I've always been an honest kinda guy anyway...better to end summit than live a fuckin' miserable life

As for the likelyhood of serial adultory? No idea......not innerested in lasses who are into that kinda thing.

As for the morality behind adultory? No way I could ever trust anyone who is capapble of lying/being decietfull to someone they love (or supposed to love, but that kinda deciet is even worse imo). I musta seen a thousand times the "my wife/husband doesn't love me" story.........I always give the same answer "pack a bag, walk down the street and don't bother lookin' back....only thing stoppin' ya is yer own cowardice" tis hardly a reason to throw off yer underwear and find shallow comfort elsewhere. As for adultory for pure sexual gratification.....wot the hell are those folks doing being married anyway? Sexual compatibility isn't the be-all-to-end-all.......but it is certainly a big part of how two people live together happily

 

[Winky]

Wow Yeah the Dudes are so against it. But the Lasses are of the unmarried persuasion and I don't think they are exactly 'endorsing' it just making excuses why someone who does it isn't the devil, lol.

Somehow I think adultery is the worse thing anyone could do right behind murder.

I've seen what it does to families over the years and it's worse than murder.

Nix, Tonks know this.
You don't want to have ANYTHING to do with a guy that has EVER screwed around, just smile and wave and move on, you deserve better. Hey OZ you married?

 

[Oz]

Hey OZ you married?

Good grief no.....don't believe in it.

 

[Gato_Solo]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

if you cheated you made a mistake...what are you gonna do about it? are you going to own up to your mistakes? are you going to learn from this and improve yourself? are you going to get to the root of the issue to figure out what it was that lead you this way, whether it be a problem in your marriage or a problem in your psyche? or are you going to keep on with this kind of lifestyle and be a repeat offender? become morally bankrupt? it's not so much what you've done that sums up a persons character to me but rather how you deal with the situations you get yourself into.

Cheating is never a mistake. It's never and accident, and it's never something totally forgivable. Cheating is always planned out. Getting drunk/high before you cheat is only a way to make yourself seem less like a cheater. It's planned. If you know the situation could get heated, you can always leave. The fact that you (not personally) did not leave means that you wanted to cheat.

 

[Winky]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

LMAO @ Gato

Yeah It just jumped out and it was like it had a mind of it's own
I just don't know what happened! It was an accident!

 

[Gato_Solo]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

LMAO @ Gato

Yeah It just jumped out and it was like it had a mind of it's own
I just don't know what happened! It was an accident!

I tripped, fell, and wound up with my penis inside her. When I tried to get up, I just kept slipping...

 

[Winky]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

and slippin' and slippin' and slippin' lol

 

[MrBishop]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

I just don't think there is a good reason to cheat. I do agree with Bish on the reasons why men and women cheat, but still stand firm. If a man is seeking more sexual satisfaction, and just can't live with beating off or not getting more, then he should just get a divorce before pursuing other women. On the same note, if a woman feels like she needs more emotional satisfaction, she should talk to the man about it, she might just be surprised to find out he would like that too.

I wonder how often infidelity happens when the wife or husband hasn't ever said anything to their spouse about the way they feel that makes them want to cheat?

Marriage is supposed to be more than just about sex anyways. If someone is getting married with the eye that they'll get more sex they should revisit their priorities...and maybe talk to a few married folk.

As for maintaining talks with your spouse...as a solution..it'd be great, but that often seems to be the cause for marital breakdowns and cheating...the lack of conversation.

 

[Winky]

Good grief no.....don't believe in it.

Don't believe that two people should formalize their
commitment to each other?
Or you've yet to find someone that you'd want to
commit to spend the rest of your life with?

Here ya go....

I met my wife the last week of 81. We never had a date we were just connected at the hip from the moment we met. (heh heh love at first sight?)
We moved in together June of 82 bought a house together July of 84. In Sept. 85 a Hot co-worker was after me to sex her up. I looked right at her and said "Oh no, I'm married" Then it dawned on me heh I wasn't! So I asked my wife to marry me. The first thing out of her mouth was "Your not serious" So I said:
Are we going to break-up
No
So 20 years from now what do I say to people, this is my um GF um Live in ah fiancé?

We were married Dec. of 85 and the only child was born Aug 87

Now how in the heck could I even consider adultery at this point?
But hey the Kid's outta here in 14 months,
could I trade a 44 year old in on two 22 year olds? lol j/k

 

[Winky]

Bish one thing I've noticed (werd to the single gurls)
When I'm being totally serviced at home and things are going
great, even the most beautiful woman has far less allure.
The fact that my wife trusts me (she laughs and says 'yeah like she'd have any interest in you) it is funny to talk to hot chicks and realize "Oh God I could never wake up next to her for the next 40 years, Heh"
This is one thing I've passed on to my Son.
Now he knows the difference.

 

[Oz]

Don't believe that two people should formalize their
commitment to each other?
Or you've yet to find someone that you'd want to
commit to spend the rest of your life with?

That's kinda a tricky one for me to answer......

Several years ago I did meet with a lass that I was convinced I was gonna spend my life with (like ya said, that feeling of being joined at the hip)......and for a selfish bastard like me.....that was quite an eye opener, new feelings/emotions and wotnot. But for reasons beyond me control it didn't pan out as we intended.

Would I have married her? Certainly not as part of a religious ceremony....I'm not a hypocrite who can pay lip service when I'm not a religious person. As for a non-demonmination ceremony.......I really don't see the point, a lotta faff about just for a slip of paper

But if it had been important to her....maybe I woulda buckled and gone through with a civil ceremony.

So I don't see any necessity in going through all the rigmarole........but that's not to say that I see anything bad in a couple living together..if they feel the added formality of official "husband and wife" adds security to their relationship, more power to em Personally I've never felt the need.

Nowadays......I'm quite happy being a serial monogamist, have no ambitions to start a family yet.......and I'm back to being a happy selfish bastard

 

[Winky]

<happy selfish bastard>
Yeah that took a long time to shake.
Now that the Kid's leaving I can revert

 

[Professur]

Re: Stats on Adultery, eveyone who does it lies about it!

i'm guessing that you have very few people that you trust and do not pity....

Probably even fewer than you think. But I've made my opinions on the human herd abundantly known.