stress!

My stress for today:

The ex boyfriend is convinced he's gonna kill himself on his birthday. (oct 1.) He's going to do it, and he doesn't want me to be sad about it. He's going to do it. Going. To do it. Going. To.

*handonhip
 
but! I did get new shoes today... these:
34oabfk.jpg


They're tongue twisters so the tongue... you can twist and it's black.

*is in love*
 
i liked those kswisses that they used to have where you could pull the stripes up or push them down, so they could either be in a contrast color or just white or black like rest of the shoe, for a more versatile monochromatic look
 
Error said:
My stress for today:

The ex boyfriend is convinced he's gonna kill himself on his birthday. (oct 1.) He's going to do it, and he doesn't want me to be sad about it. He's going to do it. Going. To do it. Going. To.

*handonhip
Click to expand...
If he told you that, then he's not.
 
I also concur.

Also, if he does at some point decide to follow through with it for some reason it would in NO way be your fault. I stayed with my ex because he told me he'd kill himself if I left...and I was convinced that if I left and he did then it would be my fault...eventually I realized (through the help of good friends) that if he DID off himself then he had bigger issues than just me breaking up with him and it would NOT be my fault. I broke up with him over 2 years ago and from what I hear he has not attempted to kill himself.
 
Hand him a knife and, in your sweetest voice possible, say "will this help?"
 
I think its funny how like a month ago he was telling me he had basically no reason to be alive, I told him I loved him, and he said "im sorry but the love of an ex gf isnt enough"

But now he's telling me I'mthe only person that cares about him and hes crying to me and shit. If I were a meaner person I'd tell him I can't help him cuz the love of an ex gf isnt enough.

By the way, he has actually attempted suicide sssseveralll times. He's swallowed more pills in the last 3 years than like... the oldest person you can think of... he's been in a coma from it... etc etc... so his suicide threats aren't empty... scary thing is I know he'll attempt it... I just... hope he fails... and keeps failing...
 
What you need to do, is inform someone around him, his doctor, family members, friends, school counsellors (I'm just listing examples, no idea if he's a studen or whatever), someone who's close to him, anyone. Then you take a step back and close the door.

If he's gonna do it, then he's gonna do it. It has nothing to do with you and whatever feelings you may have for him. If he doesn't do it, then what he DID do, is put YOU through emotional stress that in the end is damaging to your own mental health. Whether you love him or not is not the factor that should decide what to do from now on. Your love is NOT what he needs, what he needs is help from professionals. The best thing you can do for both of you is to delegate the responsibility for his mental health to someone else, and walk away. It may sound awful, but it's the goddamned truth.
 
Error is a girl after my heart on this issue "My ex is going to kill himself but just look at my new shoes".
 
Error said:
By the way, he has actually attempted suicide sssseveralll times. He's swallowed more pills in the last 3 years than like... the oldest person you can think of... he's been in a coma from it... etc etc... so his suicide threats aren't empty... scary thing is I know he'll attempt it... I just... hope he fails... and keeps failing...
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There are sure fire way to kill ones self...many times people attempt suicide but deep down inside they hope to be saved. I know everyone is different but, a friend of mine attempted to kill herself but swallowing many many pills, she posted about it in her online journal RIGHT before she did it, she had people breaking every traffic law in existance to get to her place. She ended up having to drink charcoal and all kinds of other shit in the hospital, but she's fine. She's fine because she attempted to kill herself in a way that can be reversed (pills are reversed by making you puke them up and pumping your stomach) and she told people (via online journal) what she was doing. That friend later told us that it wasn't so much that she wanted to die but she didn't know what else to do and she knew that even if she didn't die maybe the whole process would bring some answers and some help. So, dying was only one of the possible outcomes of what she did, and she knew that.

On the flip side, a friend of hers whom I do not know, killed herself sometime last spring. That girl took cyanide and didn't tell anyone. She waited until she was home all alone one day, wrote a note and took the cyanide. It's my understanding that cyanide is so fast acting that even if someone had found her before she died (which was a very small window) noone could have done anything about it. In the note she stated very explicitly that she did not want to live, it wasn't a default decision like "I can't handle life anymore so I guess death is the only option" it was a "I want to be dead".

So, I guess what I'm saying is there are two types of people...those who are using suicide as a cry for help knowing that they might die in the process and those who actually want to die and make sure that it happens. Your ex sounds like the first (based on all the failed attempts)...do as starya suggested, notify someone who can help him and step away from the situation.
 
yeah, the friend i had who killed herself had been sad for a long time and talked about it for a while, but then she got better and seemed to be doing just fine. hadn't talked about it in a while. then, one morning i check my livejournal friends page, and there's her last entry - a goodbye note. came clear out of the blue. the entry before that had consisted of her asking for help with a crossword puzzle in country weekly. she shot herself, so there was no time for anyone to come save her. the whole thing still fucks with my brain.
 
Sorry about your friend Ash :hug:

I can't even imagine if my friend hadn't made it...
 
part of what always screws with me is that the goodbye note was full of uncertain language - "if you don't hear from me again"... "we might not be able to hang out this summer". i was never sure how to read into that.
 
If someone is going to off himself, pills are not the way to go. You're too lilely to have your stomach pumped and get a big bill for it. The way to do it is to slam into a bridge post at about 110 miles an hour without a seat belt. That way, you're guaranteed to get killed and you don't take anyone else with you.
 
I'd love to inform someone around him but everyone he knows just... knows Dan is synonymous with Suicidal... no one believes him anymore... no one sees anything in it... I do feel weird about this one though... but maybe he's just found another way to manipulate my feelings.

As for your friends who've tried/done it, I'm sorry... when someone dies you just think "they're in a better place" but I guess if they killed themselves they were actually purposely seeking that better place.. so it's better for them... I guess... but idk... I can't say much... I can't even fathom what I'd do or how I'd feel if Dan actually did die....kdjghoapjohthj


Anyway, about the shoes, I've managed to not think about Dan and managed to be happy without him... and I have been... he comes to me screaming suicide... yeah it worries me... but I'm tired of letting him rule my life and my emotions and my mood.. I can care about him... but not let it consume me.... I can still enjoy my life... he's just a fraction of it now.... besides... they're fucking too awesome to not be in love with, god damn it.
 
New shoes fix almost anything.

That being said I have a memorial service to attend this week for an infant of a woman in my neighborhood. Such a terrible thing. I don't think will help much.
 
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