Things not to say on your wedding night...

Wow - look at all the hair on your back

Maybe you should start going to the gym more.

Wake me when it is over...OK?

I think the condom is too big.

Did you take out the garbage yet?

Is that a toupee?

That must be my mother on the phone.
 
Good thing I'm so drunk...............

Oh well, I married you for your personality anyway............

Does this mean I'm a lesbian?
 
Why are you rolling your eyes.......I always wipe it on the curtains :confused:

Oh no..........please turn the light off.

I've never done this sober before.......fancy a brandy?
 
You're brother is bigger

My real husband's a marine................and he's coming home tonight.

Sweetness, you know I don't smoke :rolleyes:

Maybe you should see a doctor about that?
 
Hurry up honey, the room is rented per hour!

But honey, you know i get zits from whipped cream!

On second thought, lets turn off the lights.

Try not to smear my make-up.

Maybe we should call your sister?

Am i supposed to enjoy this?

Smile, you're on Candy Camera!

I wish we'd gotten TV1000...

What's for breakfast?
 
*while waving erect wotsit around*

[darth vader]Only through the dark side will you see real power[/darth vader]

*while waving limp wotsit around*

[indana jones]dum de dum dum.....dum de dee[/indiana jones]
 
bleach said:
*while waving erect wotsit around*

[darth vader]Only through the dark side will you see real power[/darth vader]

*while waving limp wotsit around*

[indana jones]dum de dum dum.....dum de dee[/indiana jones]
Click to expand...

Ah look - it does stand up comedy!!!!!

Throw some of my Barbie clothes on it & we could put it in a chorus line

Can it do any other tricks? Like roll over, play dead...........oh it's doing that allready innit?
 
I was so horny i could've fucked a sow.

I have a confession to make.

Did i mention my sex change?

I think biting is romantic, don't you?

*hiccup*I'm gonna need another beer before we kick off.

I'll tell you who's in my fantasy and you'll tell me who's in yours....

I'm sorry about this name tag thingie, i'm just horrible with names.

[mumble]Did i leave the gas stove on?[/mumble] Got a light?

Can't you at least pretend you're liking it?!?

Please keep it down, my mom's a light sleeper.

My buddy wonders when it's his turn?

How long are you planning on 'almost cumming'?
 
Whaduya mean you're pregnant? I thought you were a virgin!

You mean that wasn't you in the mask at the halloween ball!?
 
[filing nails]and i told that caterer i wanted the raspberry sauce on the side because the cake was so much prettier that way with all the little details but did she listen? oh no! and you would think that with all the money my daddy shelled out, too! hmm,and did you see the size of her butt? i mean come on! i would never had worn that cut of pant! looked like two pigs fighting under a blanket! oh! and the shrimp cocktail was not ice cold! i mean come on how hard is it to keep the ice fresh - ugh! and did you see your cousin rita? dancing with the bartender like some kind of trollop! really! i never had to worry about anyone from my family embarrasing me the way! hello? are you listening to me?[/filing nails]
 
tonks said:
[filing nails]and i told that caterer i wanted the raspberry sauce on the side because the cake was so much prettier that way with all the little details but did she listen? oh no! and you would think that with all the money my daddy shelled out, too! hmm,and did you see the size of her butt? i mean come on! i would never had worn that cut of pant! looked like two pigs fighting under a blanket! oh! and the shrimp cocktail was not ice cold! i mean come on how hard is it to keep the ice fresh - ugh! and did you see your cousin rita? dancing with the bartender like some kind of trollop! really! i never had to worry about anyone from my family embarrasing me the way! hello? are you listening to me?[/filing nails]
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All the other I could mebbe live with.......that would be my worse nightmare :eek13:

Batteries? Why would you want batteris tonight?
 
AnomalousEntity said:
I resent Sexy boo using real life events from me in this thread.... :nerd:
Click to expand...
Who said I was using your life as example? I said "pre-marital abstinence" - I didn't mention anything about lack of a sex life (at home) after the vows. :D
 
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