UGH!

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Banned
Ok since all of you are either old or experienced (some are both), I need to know how not to let people take advantage of me.

The people I babysit for tell me, not ask, TELL me that I will be working late the next day because they're both going on trips across the effing state. I usually get off at 4:30. I got off at 7:45pm tonight... I got there at 7:30am... and she told me she'd be home by 6. *not*

My "friends" use me as like a... someone to talk to when no one else cares / will listen, but don't ever give a shit when I need to talk, and they treat me like shit when they don't need me..

How the hell do I make myself normal and not a mfing doormat? I'm very quiet and shy and giving and blablafuckingbla so I can't just be like, no, no you can't do that. I need some other way... like things I can do to remove the USE ME sign from my forehead.
 
I know how you feel...I sometimes let people walk all over me too...but I am getting better. I don't know how, I think it's just time that's helping me. I wish I had some better advice.
 
I would give my life before I let anything happen to her. I'd stay for 12 days straight if I had to. I just wish I had some say as to my hours.
 
That's hard...because you need to get a message through to the mother without it having any negative effect on the kids who you care for...
 
would it help if you asked for more money? like, overtime, as it were? explain that you love their child, but you have a life too.
that's my 2-cents!
 
Sadly, when you work for someone you kinda hafta do what they tell you, but it does have its limits. Did they pay you extra for the added hours, or is it salary/by-the-day kind of arrangement?

I'd suggest this, depending on your relationship and comfort level with them. Sometime over the next week, drop a hint ot two (no more) about other offers you have been getting. Kind of, "Gee whiz, I got two calls in the past three days to house-sit for other couples. I don't know...one's out of my way quite a bit, but the other one is a friend of my aunt Tammy, and I hate to let them down. Guess I'm getting to be in demand huh? *chuckle chuckle*" and see how they react. Only thing is, if you ain't prepared to take something else, this could backfire on you, so I'd have an escape plan worked out in case their reaction is, "Fine, go ahead."

On the friend side, it is gonna vary by person. If it's someone you really like, you might have to accept that this is their personality and evaluate it from there; if it's somebody you don't really have a ton of feelings for anyway, be straight up with them. "Ya know, we need to talk about something. When you unload all this crap on me, it makes me feel used." Stick with "when you _________" and "I feel __________." That way, you haven't insulted anyone; you've simply pointed out a situation and how it affects you personally. Again, be prepared for most any reaction, and be willing to terminate the friendship if your statements cause them to go postal. If it does, though, ask yourself, "Am I really worse off now than I was 30 minutes ago? Is my life better or worse for not having someone who treats me this way in it?"

A lesson I learned many years ago, and have had to relearn a few times since: Friends are like rose bushes. They're great to have around, everybody wants them, and they brighten your day. But sometimes they must be pruned.












My bill is in the mail. :devious:
 
I can tell where to start but only you can create the mindset needed blather etc.
Theres plenty-O-reading on the web, go read it. Start there. Take what you need, leave the rest, more will be revealed.

I'll PM you later with something for self-empowerment.
 
Better yet, call the cops & report child abandonment. You've got plans to go to the mall, DAMNIT!!
 
Sit down with them at a table (makes everyone the same psychological height) and tell them in a plain voice without any whining tones or puppydog eyes that ...project adult.

Tell them what you are feeling... that you aren't being forwarned about overtime, that you don't mind doing it for the most part, but that you would like some form of consistency and warning so that you can plan your own life accordingly. You are having to break commitments, failing to show up for family functions, not getting all of the things you need to do done. If they can't give you a straight answer, then you have to be prepared to walk or continue to be strongarmed.

Insofar as your friends... I don't know you and I don't know them... so its almost calculus hard to try and figure out what is going on and how to make them chill. You have to be willing to suffer a little isolation and ditch your firends if they aren't acting like friends anymore. Life goes on and you find new friends... hopefully stable and sane friends.
 
okay..

Ash - I'm paid $40 a day for 7am-4:30pm, two weeks ago they needed me to stay longer twice, one day was until around 7pm and the other was til around 6. I got $20 total extra, I guess $10 for each day... but Josh (the father) was the one that wrote the check, and didn't know that Jen (mother) had had me longer and didn't know what *she* considered "extra" so he winged it. This week I'll just see what happens... if it's another $10, that's probably the overtime-pay.

SnP - That's a good idea... I never thought about dropping hints.. all I've thought was gee I can't stand up to them so I'm fucked.. maybe I can figure out some sly wordage. By the way, thanks.. I think that's the friendliest message you've ever directed at me, lol.

RM - I bookmarked those, and red half of the first link... I probably do need it lol.

Gonz - I don't go to the mall anymore :p

Hobart - I couldn't ever sit down with them... they're never home at the same time.. idk why... and she'd probably just fire me lol.. idk really.
 
That is sub minimum wage pay. I would walk on that unless they started to pay a little better, or were nicer, or were more consistent. I hoope you are at least able to raid the fridge at will.

I personally pay out $50 for two kids for 4 hours for a babysitter. The going rate is roughly $6/hr per kids. You being in a smaller urban setting might get away with $5/hr... but the $4/hr youre getting is starvation wages... unless you still live with the parents.
 
unclehobart said:
That is sub minimum wage pay. I would walk on that unless they started to pay a little better, or were nicer, or were more consistent. I hoope you are at least able to raid the fridge at will.

I personally pay out $50 for two kids for 4 hours for a babysitter. The going rate is roughly $6/hr per kids. You being in a smaller urban setting might get away with $5/hr... but the $4/hr youre getting is starvation wages... unless you still live with the parents.
Click to expand...

$4/hr for two kids, so, $2/hr per kid...that is rather retarded.

I'd walk, that's nowhere near enough to life off of and even if you live with your parents now you're not going to want to forever and you need to find a job with enough money to support yourself and some sort of future. Based on some rough calculations in my head you're making $10,400 a year...around here the people I work with have told me that they can't get away paying less than $30,000 a year for two kids in daycare (kids that are out of diapers none the less).
 
That said, my mom used to offer child care in our home and she charged roughly $150 to $200 a week per child. That's a deal for the parents compared to a commercial day care but it's also better than what you're doing because it was in our home and she'd have 4 or 5 kids at a time...she could make dinner for us while the kids were still there, she could do her house work while they were there, pretty much she could do everythign a stay at home mom would do but she got paid because she had more kids than just me and my brother.
 
Nixy, was your mom licensed? I know that down here, there are some complicated rules for licensing, especially for people watching a bunch of kids in theor own home from multiple families.
 
A few of my aunts in various states have in-home daycares, and it's sort of something I want to look into... but where to get the money to get the home/apartment to get the ball rolling is anyones guess... but it's an idea.

I know the pay is seriously low, but I do live with my mom, I pay her $30 a week, and she provides me shelter, food, etc... no I don't want to live here forever, but now that I'm pretty sure this job is secure at least until Lexi goes to kindergarten, I've been thinking about doing something on the side that will build up to a bigger, better job.

Also, I figure if I rack up enough child care experience, what with what I've had before this, and the fact that I practically raised a baby for however long I'll be there, that might help me find work at an actual daycare, making more than I do now, and thus building to running my own.

I've also seriouslyt considered becoming an EMT. I've sorta researched it and it looks like something I'd like to do... I haven't taken many steps towards that yet, not sure why, but it's definitely something i'm interested in.

Whew. So much typing.
 
EMT... good money, brutal hours. If greenfreak ever comes back here, ask her about it... she was a paramedic for a number of years. JJR512 is also going into that field.
 
One of my best friends is an EMT, and he absolutely loves it. I could have listed 1000 potential careers for him and that would never have been one of them, but he is very happy with it. Now, know going in that it has its downsides too. These may or may not apply for your circumstances, we live in a very rural region...

He works 36 hour shifts, and he works for two different counties rotating. 36 hours on in County A, 12 hours off, 36 on in County B, 36 off, lather rinse and repeat. He is divorced with no kids, so his time is his own. He sleeps at the station between calls. He maintains a small home for his 36 hour off times, and his vacations/holidays/persoanl leave days etc. He makes more money than he has time to spend. The main thing though is that he is happy.

I have another friend who works part-time as a paramedic in addition to his full time factory job. He also loves the paramedic work. He pulls maybe 36 hours a week in 9 to 12 hour shifts. He is maybe 12-15 years older than I am, married with grown kids. He also is a deacon at his church and does volunteer work for a local clothing/food box mission-type outfit (similar to Salvation Army but without all the rigid restrictions). I have no idea where he gets the energy to do it all, but he thrives on staying busy. He even does woodworking and cabinet/furniture building in his "free" time.

Both these guys tell the same story. They do the medical work because they love it. The money is nice I'm sure, but I think they'd do it for half what they earn. Leaves me with the impression that if you have an interest in it, you should seriously check into it, as it seems very gratifying. To me, that alone is worth quite a bit of compensation.
 
If I could deal with seeing bones bent in ways they're not supposed to be, and if I could deal with the possibility of someone dying on my watch, I might be more into being an EMT.
 
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