What are you doing here?

[ipmoof]

Shouldn't you be out in the real world, talking to real people?

I know I should.

 

[Squiggy]

These aren't 'real people'?

 

[ipmoof]

Nope.

 

[fury]

Then who are you?

 

[chcr]

I don't know. Third base!

 

[Huge]

 

[ipmoof]

Then who are you?

Well I am a nobody, that's my point.

I know this won't apply to everybody - most people have a good sense of balance in their lives. I definitely don't, and the very idea of masquerading behind an shallow facade in a "virtual" environment strikes a very raw nerve indeed. I am 21 years old and it just ain't healthy.

The amount of time I have invested in online antics is ludicrous. The amount of redundant knowledge accumulated, the number of "disposable" relationships formed (and I'm sorry of that offends anybody), the goals acheived that essentially have no consequence whatsoever in my "actual" life. It's getting ridiculous now - I will happily spend hours writing technical essays on forums regarding this that and the other instead of doing uni coursework, to the extent that recently I've been approached by a few high-profile parties concerning possible employment opportunities (?!). I don't know where to start when it comes to even the most basic of uni work, but am sure I could quite easily lecture on a couple of subjects in the IT/electronics field. Of course, all of it stinks of just being plain unhappy, but the more I find solice in spewing crap on messageboards, the worse it is going to get. A friend of mine recently asked me, "what do you do all day?!" and I pretty much couldn't give an answer. Not that I've ever had a problem meeting people, socialising etc (quite the opposite in fact), it's just that I'm kinda getting a bit detatched from reality. Used to be a straight-A's student, "cruising" through high school, captain of a couple of sports teams, heavily involved in music etc. Now I've pretty much dropped all sports and extra-curricular activity and could well fail the first year of uni, AGAIN.

Put it another way... if everything in your life was going the way you would want it to be, would you still be posting here?

 

[ipmoof]

P.S. If you think I've cracked, I have.

This is just about the lowest it can go for me. I have absolutely nothing to show for the last couple of years of my life, it's pathetic. It was my 21st birthday a couple of weeks ago and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and fade away. =\

(...might want to move this to a less light-hearted forum now, LOL)

 

[Squiggy]

Moof, we all go through those moments. I stopped taking stock of myself because I didn't have a gun to solve the problems it caused. They pass. Life will ebb and flow. There are always better days ahead...Hang in there.

 

[Luis G]

Yeah, i'd still post here, since most of the work i do i do it on the puter

 

[ipmoof]

Ditto. That's half the problem.

Oh, I'm not like in *serious* trouble. In fact, I find the whole thing quite amusing from a sort of sado-existentialist point of view and have been known to let go a little chuckle, thinking to myself "how the hell did you let things get to this stage?!". Self-pity figures massively and I know there are people in far worse a situation. I am lucky enough to have an awesome family, great friends, financial support etc...

But in a way that makes it worse - I have it all set up for me yet am not taking the initiative. Makes for a permanent feeling of guilt/anxiety. It's as if something really fuckin' awful is going to have to happen for me to grab my life by the balls. I don't want it to come to that.

Been watching the war coverage pretty much 24/7 recently - almost transfixed. Really makes you feel "alive" doesn't it?

 

[fury]

I was once at the point you are now... You have quite an advantage over me though, in that you're already in uni, you already have the chance to make something of yourself by being there. I haven't made it so far as the ACT exam needed to even apply. Self-pity only happens when you're not busy doing stuff. Don't think so much about how much time you spend here, but rather how much time you can spend elsewhere. Tweak shit, tear down and rebuild your computer, or start overclocking it like mad and seeing if you can get 50 billion 3dmarks. It seems to be working for me. Between fixing OTC, my job, my preparations for the ACT exam, and having a spare computer put together to try to get set up, I haven't very well had any time to put myself down (except for the fact that I can't understand half the math I see in the ACT practice test)

 

[ipmoof]

See the thing is, I will happily assemble/disassemble PCs all day. I've recently tried to get away from that kind of thing because it just wastes too much time (used to spend hours tweaking, building PCs for people etc). Now I have stopped apart from the odd system. I'd think of the money, but that really means nothing - I don't take any pleasure in having/spending money anymore just because I don't feel I've earnt it. Hell, I'm wasting my parents hard-earned cash literally by the minute just by being such a dosser at uni. These days I'd rather put the time into doing uni work, but I *always* find something else to do instead.

The "don't worry, it'll be alright" talk makes me sick. I used to latch onto crap like that but it amounts to nothing - especially not coming from the weird and wonderful world of "internet personalities" where it is so easy to get sucked in and chewed up in a quest for perpetual consolation. Such a thing is utterly detrimental if the only person that can can help you is you. Why bother doing anything if things are going to turn out ok? I'm fed up of kidding myself; things aren't going to turn out all peachy just because they "should"...

 

[Leslie]

*falls on floor weeping*

 

[Gonz]

things aren't going to turn out all peachy just because they "should"...

You're right. They turn out X becasue you make them turn out X. The internet is another way to reach people. Probably the coldest & safest way. Don't blame the net or computers for shortcomings that you can fix.

 

[lacemyster]

Well I'm here because I need to take over the internet world before I take over the real world.......you know, for practice

 

[ipmoof]

things aren't going to turn out all peachy just because they "should"...

You're right. They turn out X becasue you make them turn out X. The internet is another way to reach people. Probably the coldest & safest way. Don't blame the net or computers for shortcomings that you can fix.

Oh, don't get me wrong - I blame nobody but myself.

Totally disagree about the internet being the safest way though - it's the most receptive environment to issues of this nature, but not necessarily the most beneficial.

 

[Jeslek]

moof, what are you studying again?

 

[PT]

I've often wondered myself if I spend too much time online, and looking at the number of posts I have, not just here but other boards as well, the answer is probably yes. But...

The people here are real, have no doubt about that, sure some or most of them are probably not exaclty as you have them pictured, not just in the way they look but in the way they converse too. Most people get emboldened by posting online and say things that they normally wouldn't say to their best friends, especially about the tough issues. The question is, do we see them as they really are online, or do we see a facade? Personally, I think we see more of what they really are online. I've told some things to people online that I haven't even told my wife, things that bother me, things that I feel strongly about. And you guys have seen as much of the real me that I am willing to show to anyone.

Moof- get your head out of your ass, and start concentrating on your schoolwork. Yep, we'll miss you, yep, we'll bitch at you for not being here and providing the wonderful entertainment that you do, however, you are 21 years old, unless you're planning on taking one of those job offers and it can turn into something that you really want to do with your life, then you will need that education someday, and I personally would feel pretty shitty about being partly responsible for you not getting it. It's obvious that you are intelligent, start using it the way you should, and when you get a free weekend, or a summer break, or a few minutes before you go out and bang some hottie you met in chemistry, stop in and let us know how you're doing.

Lastly, to answer your question, I am where I want to be in my life, and obviously, yep, I'd still post here.

 

[Gonz]

it's the most receptive environment to issues of this nature, but not necessarily the most beneficial.

Safe means you can turn it off when it gets too hot or at least not worry about getting your brains kicked in