What are you doing here?

Exactly - I don't want to shy away from stuff. Getting my brains kicked in might just be the best thing that ever happened to me. In fact, one of the main reasons I started to get more into internet stuff was because my friends & family started saying "look, what's going on?" and I couldn't face it. People tend to be way too cushy within this context. I hate it.

About a year ago I fell for one of my closest friends; initially I guess it was an idle crush based on the fact that she is intelligent, stunning etc. After a while I realised she wasn't really attracted to me in the same way and would continually point out that I really had to get my life in order which fuckin' hurt SO much. After a while I was actually physically ill around her - don't think I've ever been that fucked up before in my life. Of course I told my closest mates and we had a little chuckle about it, but it was incredibly telling. I still don't know whether I actually like her, or just something she represents - seemed to me at the time that if I could get her to like me then everything would be ok; quite tricky when you have an inherent self-loathing. This might sound a bit arrogant, but I had never previously made a move for someone before and have them turn me down (the main reason being that I'd been so picky in the past and kept a nice, tidy "scoresheet", LOL). It was quite a wake- up call and probably the main reason why I failed the first year of uni. I really couldn't put my mind to anything without closure on that front and my marks that year were crazy - 92%, 87%, 0%, 85%, 0%, 2% etc... I just didn't care and unlike at high school, nobody really noticed. The internet became an outlet - Rage3D, HWC and later, OTC - at least there the things I did were appreciated and became very important.

PT - see that's the kind of hard-edged advice that makes me squirm yet is so refreshing. Got a massive lump in my throat when reading it. I have always admired your attitude when it comes to things like this, dude. :)
 
Anyway - I hope this thread inspires other lazy spacktards to get up off their ass and do something with their lives.

l8rz. :headbang:
 
i ahve a balance. actaully im more in the real world than here. i prefer it that way. i consider you all real people and i do care about all of you but i care more for my friends at my school because i actually know them in person. if your so addicted to comps rememebr its a machine. nothing can replace human contact.
 
ipmoof said:
Put it another way... if everything in your life was going the way you would want it to be, would you still be posting here?
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Not as much as I do now, that's for sure! Fact is my life was already fucked up much before I stepped HWC 3 years ago. I simply don't know how to fix it, no matter what I do... :(
 
ipmoof said:
Ditto. That's half the problem.

Oh, I'm not like in *serious* trouble. In fact, I find the whole thing quite amusing from a sort of sado-existentialist point of view and have been known to let go a little chuckle, thinking to myself "how the hell did you let things get to this stage?!". Self-pity figures massively and I know there are people in far worse a situation. I am lucky enough to have an awesome family, great friends, financial support etc...

But in a way that makes it worse - I have it all set up for me yet am not taking the initiative. Makes for a permanent feeling of guilt/anxiety. It's as if something really fuckin' awful is going to have to happen for me to grab my life by the balls. I don't want it to come to that.

Been watching the war coverage pretty much 24/7 recently - almost transfixed. Really makes you feel "alive" doesn't it?
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Two things:

1) Life does move in phases. What's all-consuming now will be a brief chuckle in the future as you remember it.

2) If it's bothering you this much now, there's probably a reason. Take a break. Shake things up. Go study. The 'net will still be here when you return, whether it's a day or a year.
 
I did the same thing for about 18 months after I got my degree - I was hardly ever offline. I think I was just emotionally exhausted by everything that had happened and needed a timeout - it sounds like yours is coming to an end and you're beginning to realise that there is a world out there after all - so go get it! It will be hard at first but if you make the effort eventually you'll strike a balance. :)
 
All of my friends somehow managed to get married and start having kids. That limited social times across the board. My not being in the same boat left me with a massive gulf of free time which this place happily absorbs. I should be out glacier trekking and kayaking across the South Atlantic or something... but even in that I would just assume have some friends along. I just don't derive much pleasure in holiday travles and hardy sports as a solo endeavor.
 
Moof- get your head out of your ass, and start concentrating on your schoolwork. Yep, we'll miss you, yep, we'll bitch at you for not being here and providing the wonderful entertainment that you do, however, you are 21 years old, unless you're planning on taking one of those job offers and it can turn into something that you really want to do with your life, then you will need that education someday
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I have to agree with PT here.

Moof, you and I have talked about all this before and really, you're looking for excuses to explain why you're being lazy when it comes to Uni. It's all you, no excuses. You have the power to do whatever you want and if school is what you want, get down to it and do it. The internet is not to blame, the computers that you want to play with aren't to blame, and the fact that no one has kicked you in the ass yet is not to blame. It's all you.

I got into a funk while in my first year of college also, started not showing up to classes, failing some while passing others with flying colors. In the end, I decided to leave college and go to Paramedic school instead and I did that for a long time. That was my choice, and I'm not sorry I made it. I never got my degree and although I would never encourage anyone to leave school, I would encourage you to do something that you DO want to learn about. And if you are learning about something you want, but the 'required' courses you're taking are shit, too bad. Deal with it. Look at the bigger picture, what you're going to get when you're done.

The fact is, you need to take control. If it's more than just school, take it one issue at a time. But don't take time off and leave just to run away from your problems because they follow you. You'll never be rid of them, trust me on this. You have to tackle them, all of them, over time.

IMHO, the best thing you can do is stop whining and get your ass to class or get a job. Call this "tough love" :kiss: Good luck sweetie. :)
 
ipmoof said:
About a year ago I fell for one of my closest friends; initially I guess it was an idle crush based on the fact that she is intelligent, stunning etc. After a while I realised she wasn't really attracted to me in the same way
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what is she, blind and dumb? :shrug: her loss ...

but moof - everyone here is right - including yourself ... get out there, get some work done, get out into the sunshine and the rain, you can always come back here to visit every once in a while. The fact that you've posted all these feelings and notions shows how mature you really are - I can't count how many people twice your age have not the maturity nor the intelligence to admit to everything you have.

For myself, I know I spend a lot of time here and elsewhere online ... that's the reason I don't have internet at home - I'd probably totally neglect my children and fall into an online blackhole of some sort ... knowing your limits is half the battle ... now, go meet someone, do a nice girl, get some beers ... that's an order!

:headbang:
 
I know... That's why I'm here. :beerbang:

*groans* 120 gig hard drives take 2.5 forevers to format. :(
 
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