ipmoof
New Member
Exactly - I don't want to shy away from stuff. Getting my brains kicked in might just be the best thing that ever happened to me. In fact, one of the main reasons I started to get more into internet stuff was because my friends & family started saying "look, what's going on?" and I couldn't face it. People tend to be way too cushy within this context. I hate it.
About a year ago I fell for one of my closest friends; initially I guess it was an idle crush based on the fact that she is intelligent, stunning etc. After a while I realised she wasn't really attracted to me in the same way and would continually point out that I really had to get my life in order which fuckin' hurt SO much. After a while I was actually physically ill around her - don't think I've ever been that fucked up before in my life. Of course I told my closest mates and we had a little chuckle about it, but it was incredibly telling. I still don't know whether I actually like her, or just something she represents - seemed to me at the time that if I could get her to like me then everything would be ok; quite tricky when you have an inherent self-loathing. This might sound a bit arrogant, but I had never previously made a move for someone before and have them turn me down (the main reason being that I'd been so picky in the past and kept a nice, tidy "scoresheet", LOL). It was quite a wake- up call and probably the main reason why I failed the first year of uni. I really couldn't put my mind to anything without closure on that front and my marks that year were crazy - 92%, 87%, 0%, 85%, 0%, 2% etc... I just didn't care and unlike at high school, nobody really noticed. The internet became an outlet - Rage3D, HWC and later, OTC - at least there the things I did were appreciated and became very important.
PT - see that's the kind of hard-edged advice that makes me squirm yet is so refreshing. Got a massive lump in my throat when reading it. I have always admired your attitude when it comes to things like this, dude.
About a year ago I fell for one of my closest friends; initially I guess it was an idle crush based on the fact that she is intelligent, stunning etc. After a while I realised she wasn't really attracted to me in the same way and would continually point out that I really had to get my life in order which fuckin' hurt SO much. After a while I was actually physically ill around her - don't think I've ever been that fucked up before in my life. Of course I told my closest mates and we had a little chuckle about it, but it was incredibly telling. I still don't know whether I actually like her, or just something she represents - seemed to me at the time that if I could get her to like me then everything would be ok; quite tricky when you have an inherent self-loathing. This might sound a bit arrogant, but I had never previously made a move for someone before and have them turn me down (the main reason being that I'd been so picky in the past and kept a nice, tidy "scoresheet", LOL). It was quite a wake- up call and probably the main reason why I failed the first year of uni. I really couldn't put my mind to anything without closure on that front and my marks that year were crazy - 92%, 87%, 0%, 85%, 0%, 2% etc... I just didn't care and unlike at high school, nobody really noticed. The internet became an outlet - Rage3D, HWC and later, OTC - at least there the things I did were appreciated and became very important.
PT - see that's the kind of hard-edged advice that makes me squirm yet is so refreshing. Got a massive lump in my throat when reading it. I have always admired your attitude when it comes to things like this, dude.
Good luck sweetie. 
her loss ... 