When someone says *Sorry*(inspired from another thread)

[paul_valaru]

That sounds exactly like my current relationship with my 10 yr old.

I will admit I am strick. The little one asks me if he gcan go to the store with me, I say no, he says why, I answer last time you started yelling, and you have to prove to me by your actions that you know better.

It's all about what they do, not what they say.

And about making them SEE the error of their ways, and the conciquences for their action, and the conciquences have to be far reaching. I take you anywhere and you act up, you don't come the next time. The time after that we try again.

 

[Spirit]

I will admit I am strick. The little one asks me if he gcan go to the store with me, I say no, he says why, I answer last time you started yelling, and you have to prove to me by your actions that you know better.

It's all about what they do, not what they say.

And about making them SEE the error of their ways, and the conciquences for their action, and the conciquences have to be far reaching. I take you anywhere and you act up, you don't come the next time. The time after that we try again.

I don't think I'd call that strict... I think it's smart and fair.

 

[paul_valaru]

I don't think I'd call that strict... I think it's smart and fair.

some call it strict, when you fuck up, you:

a) get called on it so you know we know what you did, and it was purposeful
b) receive immediate punichment to let you know it was wrong, and unacceptable
c) receive secondary lite long term punishment so you know that actions have consiquience

 

[Winky]

I always used to pull out my lighter and threaten to set him on fire. Werked fricken wunders I tell ya!

 

[tonksy]

We have had a recent problem with Marlowe lying. And now when I catch her at it I do call her a liar. Why? Because she is. If you engage in a series of similar behaviors it builds a habit and right now she has a habit of lying and I wish to nip it in the bud.
Last time she did it I called her a liar and took away a few fun priviledges. She didn't get to go into the Kroger playplace and was forced to sit in the cart while her sister got to play, then she didn't get cookies or treats that night. When she would ask why I told her it was because she was a liar and we don't reward that. That was 2 days ago and she hasn't done it since - at least not that we've caught her at....but I also told her that Robby and I were much smarter than her and would catch her at it.
Honesty is key and I am prepared to be a hardliner about it.

 

[Leslie]

Honesty is key.

Absolutely.

 

[HomeLAN]

Unconfronted bad behavior multiplies, and it has to be confronted in a manner that is easily understood. When my 5 YO tells me he's sorry for the same offense for the third or fourth time, I tell him flat-out that I don't believe him. I then immediately tell him WHY I don't belive him - that he's failed to follow through on the emotion - several times.

Luckily, he doesn't lie well yet - and yes, I know that will change. But yes, when he does, I tell him that it's lying, that it makes him a liar, and that that's a bad thing to be. If you don't explain this stuff in clear, age-appropriate language, then you're basically telling the kid by your response that it's OK to do it again.

If you're sensative to the way some folks talk to their kids, that's fine - don;t talk to YOUR kids that way.

 

[Spirit]

.....If you're sensative to the way some folks talk to their kids, that's fine - don;t talk to YOUR kids that way.

I don't and I won't.

 

[Professur]

We have had a recent problem with Marlowe lying. And now when I catch her at it I do call her a liar. Why? Because she is. If you engage in a series of similar behaviors it builds a habit and right now she has a habit of lying and I wish to nip it in the bud.
Last time she did it I called her a liar and took away a few fun priviledges. She didn't get to go into the Kroger playplace and was forced to sit in the cart while her sister got to play, then she didn't get cookies or treats that night. When she would ask why I told her it was because she was a liar and we don't reward that. That was 2 days ago and she hasn't done it since - at least not that we've caught her at....but I also told her that Robby and I were much smarter than her and would catch her at it.
Honesty is key and I am prepared to be a hardliner about it.

My cousin had a trick he used with his kids. He told them flat out that, when they lied, the veins in their forehead showed it. Whenever he thought they might be lying, he'd simply ask them to lift the hair off their brow. Their own actions did the rest.

Children lie for one reason. Not because it gets them something. Not because they're worried about punishment. It's simply because they can. Take that part away, and they'll find other, honest, ways to weasel what they want, and to avoid punishment. Every one of my kids lie like a cheap rug. The difference where I'm concerned it that they know I know. And there's no power in it for them.

 

[tonksy]

Yeah, Marlowe has been lying in an effort to pass the buck to her sister ("Malory did it") or to get out of getting in trouble over something she did to her sister ("I did NOT!") or, of all the stupid things, get out of washing her hands after going potty ("yes, I washed my hands"). The latter is easy to discern as we use a scented handsoap in the bathroom and we ask to smell her hands.
It may be small things now but if she gets away with it it will escalate. I should try the forehead vein thing, thanks.